now, hard. Tried some Benzo Fury for first time RC experience. Not what I wanted but good anyway. Me and an old mate hooked up and did the usual drug-fuelled, inspired (at least we thought so!) all night conversation thing. Price wise it was same as street drugs so could have just got some speed for similar buzz. But we've both been there and experimenting with new stuff is part of the fun, eh?
None of that egomad listen to me me me stuff either but more engaged with a lively mind, leaping between ideas coherently. A bit nootropic perhaps? Certainly had more energy and some mild rushes. Could be good to have a boogie on but we were on a mellower vibe dranking ale in the pub like real mean do, grrr. Then back to his for more booze and laughs. I had a good night, best for ages, one of those spontaneous ones that are always better than making plans.
Oh, and I received a phone call today offering me a job. I was quite surprised as previously been told I was unsuccessful blah. But thank God for drop outs! Actually manage to stay normal throughout phone call, which I was impressed with. I have problems talking on the phone at the best of times. Just don't like phone conversations, dunno why.
Where am I?
Oh yeah coming down. Was just the physical tiredness, nice and clean for ages, none of the emotional darkness I can slip into but I can feel a vague outline of the abyss up ahead now. Which is pretty good going for not having slept at all yet. And having stared into the abyss on many occasions previously, I know what it feels like. I least I can steer out its way, I think.
I don't think I'll have any sleep for a while yet either as I'm in the gritty zone where images just flash behind my eyelids, keeping me awake as though by design.
Does anyone have times where they do do little thought discipline tests? Maybe it's just me. You create a simple thought that you should be able to control, but are unable to?
Sometimes I imagine closing a door in my mind and it just keeps springing open, refusing to obey my commands. It's bizarre. They're my thoughts and I should be able to control simple things like whether a door is open or closed.
The images keeping me awake behind my closed eyelids are out of control in a similar way. They're not bad images, just random kaleidoscopic colours and stuff. Sometimes I can make them do what I want, like they're dancing to a tune. Usually they just want to dance alone with me as spectator to my own mind. Not in an out-of-body, ketamine type way. Not that powerful.
I think it may have something to do with spending my entire day coming down in front of a computer and rambling constant nonsense all over various internet sites. I'm sure I entertained a few people though! Happy times with a dark lining, not too comfortable - it's how I seem to ride.
The Beta Band has started on my playlist. This is good. I can space out to them now and let you all be. I'm at the point now where I've been up too long to get any sleep, if that makes any sense. The emotional dark cloud that always comes in any comedown puts me off the idea, sitting there alone with my thoughts and no distractions. Think I'll just stay here for a while longer. Damn, I'm making myself feel lonely now but really I'm not. Must keep rambling and running from the fear. Yeah, that'll work.
I have to get this off my chest here so I don't foul up any more threads with the increasingly incoherent thoughts I'm experiencing. Wanton weirdness is coming now. I know it. No over analysing at all which is something for me. Let's just say I've done that enough in the past I don't care to fall into it again. My biggest life accomplishment recently actually, stopping the over analysing. That was such a killer. You can't dig yourself out by analysis. I tried. Just have to stop and forget what you said to people.
Benzo Fury - worth a go but nothing you can't get from your local man, (and probably more easily). Benzo is legal though, which has to be a plus.
None of that egomad listen to me me me stuff either but more engaged with a lively mind, leaping between ideas coherently. A bit nootropic perhaps? Certainly had more energy and some mild rushes. Could be good to have a boogie on but we were on a mellower vibe dranking ale in the pub like real mean do, grrr. Then back to his for more booze and laughs. I had a good night, best for ages, one of those spontaneous ones that are always better than making plans.
Oh, and I received a phone call today offering me a job. I was quite surprised as previously been told I was unsuccessful blah. But thank God for drop outs! Actually manage to stay normal throughout phone call, which I was impressed with. I have problems talking on the phone at the best of times. Just don't like phone conversations, dunno why.
Where am I?
Oh yeah coming down. Was just the physical tiredness, nice and clean for ages, none of the emotional darkness I can slip into but I can feel a vague outline of the abyss up ahead now. Which is pretty good going for not having slept at all yet. And having stared into the abyss on many occasions previously, I know what it feels like. I least I can steer out its way, I think.
I don't think I'll have any sleep for a while yet either as I'm in the gritty zone where images just flash behind my eyelids, keeping me awake as though by design.
Does anyone have times where they do do little thought discipline tests? Maybe it's just me. You create a simple thought that you should be able to control, but are unable to?
Sometimes I imagine closing a door in my mind and it just keeps springing open, refusing to obey my commands. It's bizarre. They're my thoughts and I should be able to control simple things like whether a door is open or closed.
The images keeping me awake behind my closed eyelids are out of control in a similar way. They're not bad images, just random kaleidoscopic colours and stuff. Sometimes I can make them do what I want, like they're dancing to a tune. Usually they just want to dance alone with me as spectator to my own mind. Not in an out-of-body, ketamine type way. Not that powerful.
I think it may have something to do with spending my entire day coming down in front of a computer and rambling constant nonsense all over various internet sites. I'm sure I entertained a few people though! Happy times with a dark lining, not too comfortable - it's how I seem to ride.
The Beta Band has started on my playlist. This is good. I can space out to them now and let you all be. I'm at the point now where I've been up too long to get any sleep, if that makes any sense. The emotional dark cloud that always comes in any comedown puts me off the idea, sitting there alone with my thoughts and no distractions. Think I'll just stay here for a while longer. Damn, I'm making myself feel lonely now but really I'm not. Must keep rambling and running from the fear. Yeah, that'll work.
I have to get this off my chest here so I don't foul up any more threads with the increasingly incoherent thoughts I'm experiencing. Wanton weirdness is coming now. I know it. No over analysing at all which is something for me. Let's just say I've done that enough in the past I don't care to fall into it again. My biggest life accomplishment recently actually, stopping the over analysing. That was such a killer. You can't dig yourself out by analysis. I tried. Just have to stop and forget what you said to people.
Benzo Fury - worth a go but nothing you can't get from your local man, (and probably more easily). Benzo is legal though, which has to be a plus.
