Comfort Zones: those dark cramped rooms you really need to get out of

[herbavore]

I've been thinking a lot about "comfort zones" since turning 60--how you finally break out of one and before you know it a few years go by and you've created a new one that it is just as scary to leave. The one thing I know for sure is that the rewards whenever I have pushed through something, are always worth the risks. One thing that I have observed in myself and others is that people are willing to go to great lengths, often taking great risks to protect whatever is familiar even when they don't like it.

The fear of change is so unsettling and terrifying that we are often willing to put up with bad relationships, bad living situations, even abuse because it is familiar. This definitely relates to addiction but it goes way deeper than that.

Can you think of a time when you forced yourself out of your comfort zone? How did it turn out? Were most of the fears imagined or real?

 

[HdoubleODeezy]

Wow, just realized now im in a comfort zone that isn't too good for me.
My family i live with is.. never mind that lets just say it's a "bad living situation".
I moved out of my house that i lived in my whole life until '06.. since relocating i have no friends here since they are all either old people or little kids that live here with old people, it's a small town instead of a big city like i was used to and even if there are a few people around my age i can guarantee they are not into the same type of things i am, they probably wouldn't understand me since everyone around here is so closed minded and believe their view on life is the only one and it must be right. Plus i don't ecavtly fit in here, not gonna say these people are losers or anything because that's not fair to them but how i dress makes me look like im "trouble" and i stick out like a sore thumb and the cops here love to question me about everything and follow my car because it is the only one around here that has aftermarket things done to it aka not exactly how it would come stock or factory built.
I could go on with all the things that i hate about this place but won't, but since i have moved here all i have wanted to do was leave, but have no way to.
I can't work because im disabled so i live with family, the gov't won't give me disability and this will be the 5th year i applied. There are lazy people out there who just don't want to work and get it, but someone with a real problem that would love to work to have something to keep them busy and make money can't do it and THEY get denied? THEY meaning me lol.
I lost all my friends in my old city from being too far away for so long and not staying in touch with them so it's not like i could stay with them for a while until i can figure myself out.. plus i have 2 kids that don't live with me so if i was to go somewhere else how would they come visit on the weekends if i was staying at someon elses house or was constantly changing where i stay?
I'm just in a shitty spot.. but i WILL find a way out.

Thanks for getting me thinking herbavore.

 

[Corazon]

I've been thinking a lot about "comfort zones" since turning 60--how you finally break out of one and before you know it a few years go by and you've created a new one that it is just as scary to leave. The one thing I know for sure is that the rewards whenever I have pushed through something, are always worth the risks. One thing that I have observed in myself and others is that people are willing to go to great lengths, often taking great risks to protect whatever is familiar even when they don't like it.

The fear of change is so unsettling and terrifying that we are often willing to put up with bad relationships, bad living situations, even abuse because it is familiar. This definitely relates to addiction but it goes way deeper than that.

Can you think of a time when you forced yourself out of your comfort zone? How did it turn out? Were most of the fears imagined or real?

This is a great topic.

I'm trying to get out of a comfort zone right now.
Life can feel like you are an iron train or something.
It's almost like inertia or momentum.

I can't think of a good example of actually forcing myself out of a comfort zone. Have I stayed in comfort zones my whole life? I don't know. Hopefully not , but it's possible at least to some degree.

It can definitely be very hard to change, and some of that is certainly due to adapting to your situation.

 

[weekend addiction]

Living at home with my dad was my comfort zone. When I got out of control I had to leave. I was 20 dealing with a case of bipolar, no recent job history, and in a whole new state. My fears were real. It was really hard to make it. I got a shitty fast food job cause that's the only place my feet could take me. Spaggheti was the meal every night. I shared a hotel room, washed clothes in the sink, and lived off just over minimum wage. Finally I grew up though. Got better and better jobs. I would say the last 2 years felt like 5.

 

[herbavore]

Wow, that is pretty inspiring. Tough as it was, it must have felt incredible to have taken everything into your own hands.

 

[neversickanymore]

Imagined. I remember the day one of my worst fears came true.. I had a really busy life.. really busy, engineering classes, my own business, legal hassles, and a new born baby. Didn't get around to practicing a speech fpr public speaking.. I used to have crushing social anxiety.. tanked it big time and the whole class cratiked us.. I got laid into.. and it wasn't that bad at all. the world didn't come to an end.. I was fine.

 

[Papaverium]

Last year, I defeated my comfort zone by travelling alone to Quebec, to a festival I've never been to, and I don't know a sentence in French.
It was the most amazing time of my life!! Everyone was so friendly, and I got to meet two of my favourite artists! And I hope to travel all over the world and attend Psytrance festivals, and maybe one day make elf clothing and sell it at kiosks at the events

Thanks herbavore, for reminding me I really can do anything I set my mind to :D , I seem to have lost my dreams..

 

[ad lib]

Can you think of a time when you forced yourself out of your comfort zone? How did it turn out? Were most of the fears imagined or real?

Public speaking!

In class, we had to write a research paper (I did mine on how drug addiction is a disease, not decision) and then present our findings to the class. First, I have social anxiety and generalized anxiety. Second, I was the only female in the class lol. Somehow I ended up in a class with all mechanical and electrical engineering students. I forced myself out of my comfort zone (which was avoiding public speaking) by motivating myself for a good grade. Grades are important to me. I feared "messing up", embarrassment, forgetting what I was saying, etc. However, it turned out awesome! Everyone was so intrigued and loved it. People were asking questions and I was answering them like a pro . It has certainly made me more confident regarding public speaking in the future. It's no longer something I am intensely afraid of.

 

[sinclair1984]

I feel as if my only comfort zone that I have ever had is using. I'm trying to break out of that now. I've gone nine months without using (i'm a heroin addict) thought I don't know if I'm "clean". I can say one thing for sure though, I'm scared out here.

 

[Xorkoth]

I've been thinking a lot about "comfort zones" since turning 60--how you finally break out of one and before you know it a few years go by and you've created a new one that it is just as scary to leave. The one thing I know for sure is that the rewards whenever I have pushed through something, are always worth the risks. One thing that I have observed in myself and others is that people are willing to go to great lengths, often taking great risks to protect whatever is familiar even when they don't like it.

The fear of change is so unsettling and terrifying that we are often willing to put up with bad relationships, bad living situations, even abuse because it is familiar. This definitely relates to addiction but it goes way deeper than that.

Can you think of a time when you forced yourself out of your comfort zone? How did it turn out? Were most of the fears imagined or real?

I quite recently (a few months ago) finally gave up on a relationship that had a lot of good parts, but those were fading over time and nall along there had been emotional abuse and control (her to me). It was incredibly hard, so many times I thought "is this really worth it? I love her. I miss her", and doubted I was doing the right thing (we were married, still are actually because we have to wait a year to file for divorce. I thought 100% that she was the person for me for the rest of my life). I thought about calling her and trying to fight for it so many times. But I stuck through it, the pain, the fear, the loneliness, and just recently I started feeling good about it, and satisfied with where I am. It also helps that we are both in agreement about it and getting along really well, and she doesn't want alimony or any of my stuff or money, or the house, or even any of the wedding gifts. She finally realizes how horrible she'd been and that she needs to do some work on herself and is sorry. And I feel like I can actually be myself again... I didn't even fully realize how terrifyingly horrible it was feeling like I had literally lost myself, I didn't even know who I was anymore but it all came rushing back to me just days after she left.

So the point of the story is, I forced myself out of my comfort zone and every aspect of my life got better, including in some unforeseen ways.