Comedowns vs being left out

[rave900]

Hi all new user here. Am 25yo guy currently on a speed (Saturday night) and cocaine (last night) comedown. Am feeling particularly bad, very lonely and helpless and really want to find a way of cutting this out of my life. The problem I am going through is that my social circle like to party quite hard and frequently use drugs and offer me freebies (I hardly ever pay for anything and always get wrecked most weekends anyway). I am a couple years older than this group and have been partying for a few years already and tried to quit to no avail. It always feels that the others don't experience the negatives as much as I do as I was suffering depression before ever trying any drugs and began using them as a temporary fix. Does anybody have any words of advice or been in a similar situation?

At the moment it sounds stupid but I am torn between trying to stop or cut down on the drug use for the sake of my depression/loneliness vs at least having friends to party with. In the past I've lost friends once no longer using drugs with them and I'm afraid of that happening again. Without parties and drink/drugs I almost don't feel alive or social at all and am very shy rarely even text people so I guess I am afraid of that reality and always trying to escape it. Any advice appreciated.

 

[adrenalinerushes]

you seem to already know that you need to stop partying like that. sounds lame but... you probably know, it's important in life to learn how to be content with being alone. it's not something that people figure out overnight, rather i'm assuming for most people, learning to enjoy being alone takes effort and time, and it takes time being alone to appreciate it as well as accept it. it's not the easiest adjustment if you're used to always being around people but i suppose for your situation you have to think about what it is that you want and if you're willing to put effort into it for a beneficial end result.

it may sound strange, but you will appreciate your time to yourself more once you can sit with your thoughts and not get driven mad by it. taking the time to work on yourself and giving your brain some time to replenish the harshness from drugs would be incredibly beneficial for your well being, and basically your peace of mind. sounds like your body and mind seem to be telling you it needs a break. listen to those gut instincts and subtle hints, it's important. this will keep you hopefully from pushing yourself too far into depression and over doing it. maybe you could also find some middle ground between these two things... partying vs being alone.

don't let yourself feel too lonely, find ways to deal with it and to possibly socialize with certain people on a level that doesn't include using drugs and being high, if you're able to. you can end up learning a lot about yourself with these periods of saving your energy for yourself. hobbies and interests and exploring them might be useful in fighting off loneliness, only way to know is to try

sorry for sounding cheesy and cliche, i just hope you are able to feel better, come to a point where you feel more mentally positive. with that said, moderation is a wonderful and essential thing. but sounds like you need to take a break before focusing on moderation. if you haven't looked up nootropics, i would suggest it. omega fish oils, vitamins and supplements and more healthy foods will get you feeling better quicker. it's not even as tough as i'm making it out to be. just listen to your body and your instincts. once the cons of drugs start becoming more prevalent than the highs, that is a sign in itself to step back.

hope you figure things out and i wish you luck.

edit... i'm really shy in person also. i've learned that it's just part of who i am. most people are shy in regards to new people and it's normal. once you build a relationship with someone and just be yourself, you'll find comfort in the people who are being genuine. if someone makes you feel uncomfortable, there's probably a reason for it, but allow yourself to assume less that people are judging you on your shyness or whatever, if they are genuine they're probably not seeing you as being shy a bad thing. once you get to know someone, after some time, it's easier to be yourself. you gotta surround yourself with the right people who make you feel comfortable. this isn't the easiest thing but it's worth trying for.

 

[rave900]

Hey thanks for that adrenalinerushes, good advice that I will be taking on board into the new year. Reading made me feel more positive already haha

 

[malakaix]

You'll feel better once this comedown period is over, you might even wonder why you posted this to begin with. But i would take it as a sign that a part of you really does want to change direction in life.. i think when it comes down to it you will make a decision that is right for you, whenever that time may be.

I'm also 25 and a couple of years ago i decided to change my lifestyle and habits, i lost a massive chunk of my social life.. the friends i had were GREAT to party with and some of the best parties of my life i owe to this social group and their commitment to running and organising underground events, investing their time and money into it. But i rarely saw these same people outside of the 'party scene' and in retrospect i couldn't imagine doing anything sober with them.. the events also attracted many directionless people, and i found myself associating with people that had no ambition in life which in effect impacted me and i found myself in a sort of cyclic rut of drug use, partying, working and not much else.

After i made a radical change, my life went from super social to almost non-existent.. which at first is very depressing and you might even question your sanity with the amount of loneliness.. but it's given me the chance to focus on my goals and interests, and as a result im meeting more people that are interested in the same goals, my social networking now feels more productive which in turn makes me feel better about myself.

Best of luck!

 

[Deleted member 210577]

Doing something you know in your heart is causing you pain (on any level) is going against yourself. The real issue here is that you don't believe in yourself enough to walk away from what is causing you pain and find a new path. Which is bullshit.. because if you found friends once you can find friends again, with different interests and ambitions. You will probably learn a lot about yourself during this process too.

At some point the music will stop playing and people will begin to find chairs to sit down on.. career, marriage, or some other goals in life. Don't be the dish rag who at 45 is still out partying with the younger crowd.. that is the saddest thing I have ever witnessed.

You're listening to your feelings inside though, which is good. You know you need to change. Do it. You don't "feel alive" or "social" because you were depressed, and possibly still depressed, hence the drug use to mask the problem. Go sober, work your way through your emotional issues, which does take time, but you will be much happier in the end.. and know you will get to the other side of it! You're human, you will bounce back, the fact you're listening to your inner voice shows you're actually alright. Just man up and make the change you know you need to.

For what it's worth, I feel shy and lonely too. I went to raves and such, but I didn't like the drug usage (except a bit of cannabis). Lot's of interesting people but I always felt out of place. I feel out of place now that I'm sober too haha. I feel capable of talking to anyone now. It still makes me anxious inside (outside I appear very calm/confident).. but I know that everyone is fucked in the head/heart to a degree too, that we're all human and trying our best, and that makes things a lot easier to deal with.

 

[MissBehavin'_416]

You need a thorough change. Always focus on yourself and your goals first. I wouldn't like to see you 8 months down the line posting on Bluelight about how addicted to amphetamines you are because of your friends. Can you just tell these people that you're trying to stay clean for a while and that you think it'd be better if you didn't come to their parties... for some time? There's no reason they should get mad at you.
In my experience the people that were my party buddies were the ones dragging me down. It would always be the saaame thing with them. What do you think about going out and making new friends? Who knows how much longer the ones you have will keep partying. Maybe cut out the parties alone, but still hang out with these doing other (daily activity) things. Try to be less shy. Pleeeeeeeez!

 

[rave900]

More good posts and food for thought cheers guys/girls. Reinforces what I've been thinking for a while.

I feel like making gradual changes will be the easiest and so I plan to first cut out on the drugs maybe one by one and also to tell my mates that I'm doing so and not to offer me anything and instead actively discourage me. Thinking about new hobbies and potential ways to meet people as a distraction from the party crowd too. I already play football and have added a new team to my weekly schedule so will get a run out twice a week which is nice as I love sports. Also want to make an effort to be a more down to earth and outwardly friendly person as I really do have a love and energy for people within that gets masked by shyness. If theres one thing drugs taught me it is this. Maybe that will go some way to lift the underlying depression and address the problems I've been running from.

May post again with hopefully a positive update a few months down the line.

 

[herbavore]

I stopped using drugs before all my friends did (this was back in the 70's) and we really did nothing without being high so it was a huge change. At first it made people uncomfortable but I sort of took on the role of trip-sitter and that made things easier for all of us. Eventually more people stopped and a couple told me that they appreciated seeing me take the first plunge. For years I have been the odd person out because I don't drink, didn't smoke weed or do any other drugs in communities where most did (except when I was parenting my kids when they were young and then I was the odd one out because I supported people's right to choose to do drugs). If you get comfortable in your own skin, this and everything else that sets you apart from your social milieu will cease to matter. I realize that is no easy task but in a way it is an adventure. Getting to know and appreciate yourself, flaws and all, is a process, not a choice (though choice has to be at the beginning). I guess the one thing that I would regret in my life is if, at the end of it, I had never made peace with my own self.