Great choice, but I'm sure you could find one less expensive.
This is something you should be taking every single day for many months, so it is worth looking into a bulk purchase.
I take Beyond A Century C3 Complex, which was 50grams for $25!
But I have to add black pepper to make it absorb well.
And it comes as raw powder, so I have to make my own capsules - very messy and easily stains carpet.
I don't take it as religiously as I used to, which is evidence that I have improved significantly.
But when I did take it, it was up to a gram some days.
Do not worry about the SSRI properties, which are VERY mild.
Even on my most sensitive days I found it to be easily tolerated.
There were times when it actually settled my stomach remarkably well.
I will admit to a few occasions when it made me
slightly dizzy, but this NEVER caused anxiety like 5-HTP did.
Believe me, a mild SSRI effect is much less concerning than increasing serotonin supply rapidly.
I do recommend that you try tryptophan, or 5-HTP anyways - but in microdoses.
And I mean micro, like 10mg at a time.
If it doesn't make your Dp/Dr and anxiety worse, it will probably make you sleep better.
It will probably do BOTH.
You do not just have a shortage of serotonin, like most people post-roll, you have a reduced storage capacity.
Anything that increases the supply can increase anxiety and speed up the 'rewiring' of different brain regions.
This is going to happen eventually no matter what you take, but 5-HTP may cause a temporary surge.
So would smoking weed...
But turmeric, even in extract form, will not cause any 'surge'.
And there is a good chance it will make you FEEL better.
Esp. the mild head-pressure.
Do not ignore my teeth brushing advice.
The difference it makes is fairly mild, but on my worst head-pressure days the small relief it offered was quite welcome.
And the real difference is through a life-long habit.
Anything that fights inflammation over time is going to bring substantial health benefits that we are only beginning to understand.
Make sure your B-complex is sublingual, not in pill form.
B-vitamins are destroyed by stomach acid, which is why some people get injections.
Pills are normally very high amounts to compensate, and I always used to get stomach upset on them.
The sublingual liquid tastes very good and I hold it in my mouth for about two minutes.
It is a lower dose than the pill, yet absorbs better.
I would also add 2000iu of Vit. D3, aside from whatever is in your multivitamin.
Keep up the Omegas - in fact take it several times per day.
There is no such thing as too much fish oil - patients with ulcers or colitis can take 10 grams per day!
And it will improve the mylenation in your brain, which may be important since serotonin axons have been seen to sprout along mylenated tracts in animal MDMA research.
Vit C and turmeric will be your most important anti-inflammatory options, along with regular tooth brushing and flossing.
Fish oil should be taken constantly - so find a good price.
These three represent the greatest supportive supplements.
And you need to understand that 'supportive' care is what you are providing yourself.
Nothing, not even exercise, can prevent the 'rewiring' of your brain.
It is going to happen and only lots of experience with your symptoms will convince you of this.
By living the healthiest, anti-inflammatory life you can you are going to make a dent.
It is a meaningful dent, but it may be a giant iceberg you are trying to chip away at.
Think of exercise as a hairdryer and your pills as tiny ice-picks.
Only a dedicated and regular regimen is going to help.
There may come a time when you really start to lose hope.
Your post indicates that you may be reaching that first occurrence.
I found early on, and throughout the year, that just when I felt like I couldn't take it anymore - I was on the verge of a plateau.
This is a huge cycle you are on.
You will reach many plateaus, and each one will be preceded by a loss of orientation - a collapse of will.
Only when you become convinced that it is NEVER going to end, will your brain make the necessary changes.
The cruel reality is that the plateaus are short-lived.
Each one provides only a few days of relief, sometimes only a single day, before the anxiety returns.
The Dp/Dr and HPPD will indeed evaporate one day, but the anxiety and plateaus don't stop coming.
This is a very long cycle.
Early on in my recovery, each cycle was very short.
I would reach plateaus every week or so.
And exercise was enough to push me into each one - what an incredible relief it brought.
Slowly the cycles became VEEEEEEERY stretched out, taking weeks in between changes.
But the same doubt, the loss of faith...would precede each plateau.
My observation of this fact early on served as a critical reminder that this is a CYCLE later on.
Were it not for my intellectual memory, I may have really lost faith.
This is where ECT actually proves useful.
You know how I mentioned exercise as a way to FORCE the next plateau?
A huge SHOCK to the system does the same thing - only in a far superior way.
More BDNF is released during ECT treatment than the greatest of workouts.
And a rapid regrowth of hippocampus neurons is observed in each treatment.
And the level of CORTISOL response seen with ECT is correlated with positive outcome.
That means if the first treatment is truly a SHOCK, a distressing event for the endocrine system, then the brain is enabled to make rapid and otherwise impossible changes. Each subsequent treatment leads to a lower and lower cortisol response. Following this schedule is critical to the success of the treatment - and EARLY treatment is the greatest way to ensure appropriate cortisol response.
Cortisol is released by the hypothamalus control of the adrenal glands.
This actually causes metabolism of serotonin in the brain to be increased greatly.
This is why MDMA causes a massive increase in cortisol in the first place - to lower brain serotonin.
But in ECT, cortisol combined with BDNF allows for a controlled REGROWTH of serotonin axons - much more impressive than seen with medication.
And ECT has the truly remarkable ability to restore NORMAL hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenal function with only 2-4 treatments!
SSRIs only achieve this with about half of patients.
And the other half often end up with WORSE HPA axis function than before medication!
Leading to life-time medication or 'maintenance therapy'...
It is true that many doctors prefer to medicate patients prior to ECT treatment.
But given the incredible track record of successful ECT, this is counter-intuitive.
There is evidence that anti-depressant treatment causes much more harm.
There is also the problem that ECT cannot be well-understood, so the medical community does not grasp WHY it is so effective.
Science seeks to study and understand every detail, but the brain is so incredibly complex that studying ECT or even herbal compounds represents a challenge that most people cannot imagine.
Just because we do not understand WHY ECT works does not mean it should be AVOIDED.
And there is a surprising level of ignorance, even among the normal population.
Many people still think it is a barbaric procedure!
I can assure you, it is not.
There has been NO death or serious injuries from ECT for DECADES.
Patients are sedated and given a muscle relaxer.
They are not conscious for the procedure, and they are restrained in order to prevent self-injury.
It is the seizure that really matters, not the electricity.
And because the exact current used is much lower and more precisely administered, seizures are predictably short and mild compared to older procedures.
In fact a 2 minute seizure is considered NECESSARY for successful treatment, as is a high cortisol response.
The person is asleep during the procedure and the muscle relaxer prevents severe contractions.
They wake up, sometimes with moderate short-term memory loss.
In most cases they do not recall people or events since they arrived at the hospital, but these memories normally return within a few hours or days.
Even in patients with more substantial memory loss, which is rare, long-term memory remains intact.
Some people complain of moderate changes in cognition, such as the ability to read or write.
But many of these people emerge from only a few treatments making statements that ECT 'saved my life'.
They praise it as a miracle that not even the most powerful and expensive medications could achieve.
And people with crippling psychosis or severe depression go on to live completely normal lives...after a short period of memory loss.
Sounds like a good trade off to me.
But it is known that with either medication OR ECT early treatment is critical.
The longer a person stays depressed or psychotic, the less effective the 'cortisol' response....the seizure and BDNF release will be.
ECT is only a miracle cure because it calls upon the brain's GLIAL cells to emit powerful healing proteins.
The glial brain is only beginning to be studied, although it makes up more than half the brain!
ECT invokes an injury response, which allows the brain to prevent cellular death despite rapid serotonin growth.
Some doctors do not care to understand this treatment, in part because it is not studied.
And a General Practitioner is going to have rather modest training on any antidepressant medication in the first place.
A referral to a neurologist may prove more productive.
Do not be lured by the belief that all doctors somehow understand what they are talking about.
The sad truth is that MOST of medicine is nothing more than an educated GUESS.
While some areas of medicine are truly impressive and reliably effective, treating depression, psychosis, mental illness, and drug use is NOT one of them.
The nervous system is so incredibly complex that we cannot hope to truly understand it for a VERY long time.
We are only in the beginning.
So I would trust the miraculous recovery stories handed out by ECT patients more than any medication.
ECT doesn't even get the credit for the 'miracle' - your GLIAL brain does.
Here is a good book on the glial brain, an easy enough read.
http://theotherbrainbook.com/home.php
Had I know then what I know now, I would have slapped my doctor in the face and insisted on this treatment.
After months of learning about serotonin and SSRIs I stumbled across ECT.
I was
pissed that the two hospitals I went to in the first month failed to offer this procedure.
Ironically, a family member who is a very successful ER Nurse recommended it to me around month 3.
But not strongly enough.
I wish he had forced me to go.
And that is why I have spent so much time typing this out for you.
Some of your opinions of the 'risks' associated with ECT are just that - opinions.
And although doctors normally like to SHOVE different medications at you first - you are in control.
There is enough clinical evidence that SSRI treatment FAILS in former MDMA users.
And anecdotal evidence exists that it causes more damage.
You are in control of what treatment you receive.
Not the first doctor you talk to.
Educate yourself and find a doctor that is not pushy about any treatment.
Yes, there are risks.
But allow me to inform you that NOT getting treatment is VERY risky.
I have substantial experience with people recovering from MDMA like myself.
And too many of them live in a hell that few can imagine.
It is a dark and long path, much darker than you think going in.
The physical symptoms do indeed improve within the first few months, but the emotional and spiritual suffering continues for about a year and a half.
At least in the ones who don't spontaneously improve by 2-3 months.
And that is really what I recommend you set your sights on.
If you are not making substantial emotional progress by another 4-8 weeks, I want you to read this post again.
And really ask yourself - WHY not?
You have BL most infamous harm-reduction, anti-MDMA fanatic recommending this procedure to you.
And I have done the research, my friend.
There is no other treatment that works.
If you chose to face this yourself, taking the supplements and exercising DAILY is critical.
But these practices, once again, are SUPPORTIVE.
They do not cure you, they only chip away and melt chunks of a huge ICEBERG of suffering.
You cannot go around it - you must go through it.
And when you emerge from the other side, there will be changes.
Cognitive and endocrine changes, that can likely be avoided with early ECT treatment.
There is not enough research on ECT treatment among MDMA users with severe depression.
I believe this is a failure of medicine.
We should be SHOCKING the goddamn monkeys.
Goddammit.
Ok.
You have heard my opinion.
And you will probably still resist.
It is a bold choice to make, and not one to made hastily.
But sometimes it is best to let others take care of you.
Despite all of my advice and expertise, it is important for you to educate yourself.
In MDMA research feelings of GUILT and remorse are common during the first few months of suffering.
I remember going through it myself - asking myself 'what have I done?' 'why me?'
If you are experiencing these emotions right now, this is evidence that you are indeed suffering from neurotoxicity.
Anxiety should also be present.
But I should point out that some researchers find much more anxiety and psychological problems among long-term cannabis users.
How long have you been smoking weed? And was it a daily habit?
If you were not a regular smoker, and you are not having lots of anxiety including feelings of guilt/remorse...
Then I encourage you to wait at least a few more weeks before considering my ECT advice.
ECT, antidepressants, and even exercise all aim to fix HPA function.
The hypothalamus is the command center of the endocrine system.
It literally connects your thoughts to your emotions.
And the relationship between the hypothalamus and serotonin neurons that extend into the frontal lobes, where most of your dopamine is, is the CRUX of your problem.
From the HPA we derive all emotion, all desire, all hunger, all meaning.
Severe dysfunction of the HPA is perhaps the greatest suffering possible, by any living creature.
It is the evolution of your brain working against you.
All of your capacity for joy is turned into an emptiness that has no limits.
If you feel this emptiness creeping up - if you are losing faith.
If this becomes more than just HPPD and Dp/Dr - you need to remember my advice.
There is a 'cure', and it relies upon your current brain's glial response.
Wait too long, and this healing capacity is not the same.
I hope this helps you without causing undue suffering.
I remember how intense and unreal it was when it all began for me.
Underneath it all, I was the same person. Just suffering immensely.
Now the suffering is finally tolerable, but I am NOT the same person.
The changes are modest, but real.
In fact, I find it rather difficult to focus and write like I used to.
Sometimes for days or up to two weeks, I just cant read and write efficiently.
A look into my post history will reveal a long track record of posts like this, but it has become too much for me lately.
But I normally bounce back, as I did yesterday and today.
And I still type like a madman.
I think I was meant to be a writer.
Just peeked at your post again.
Melatonin is not OTC over there?
I am not familiar with any research on it, but I have seen others show moderate concern over long-term use.
Taking it daily for months MIGHT be a bad idea - but using it when you are truly not able to sleep seems within reason.
I do not remember it helping early on - nothing did.
Insomnia is a HALLMARK sign of MDMA neurotoxicity.
It is the primary reason I have assumed you are in this for the whole recovery process.
The fact that you cannot sleep more than a month afterwards, is convincing clinical evidence that you are living with altered serotonin transmission.
And perhaps HPA dysfunction.
Try the melatonin.
Multiple nights in a row will have a greater effect - the first night never works for me.
Daily valerian use won't help you sleep, but it is a rather safe herb.
Avoid benedryl - in high doses it is an SSRI and CYP enzyme inhibitor.
It played an important role in my own severe reaction to MDMA.
If you want other pharmaceutical options, there are only two others that I have encountered that even BEGIN to make sense.
Selegeline is a weak amphetamine that actually protects the SERT, or serotonin transporter.
This means it is saving axons.
And it also protects striatal dopamine neurons, which other amphetamines damage.
It is important to mention that striatal dopamine deletions have been observed in former MDMA users at 3 years abstinence!
This is caused by long-term serotonin rewiring, remember that serotonin inhibits dopamine transmission.
And striatal dopamine inhibition is pretty fucked up - a leading factor in ANHEDONIA.
Learn the meaning of that term and remember it.
Much of your current suffering is due to dopamine imbalance, which is caused by serotonin damage.
That is why this particular amphetamine is a reasonable treatment option.
Then there are NMDA antagonists, like ketamine or memantine.
These are very bold treatment options, because they induce a type of schizophrenic reaction that is so reliable they provide a model to study the condition.
But as a result they also cause synaptogenesis and protect brain cells during ischemic or hypoxic states.
Many ketamine users that are suffering comedowns or depression from METH or MDMA use report major antidepressant effects, sometimes lasting weeks.
But it is not a long-term solution.
This concludes my medication options.
SSRIs and other antidepressants are too risky.
Selegeline is the only exception.
NMDA antagonists can be way intense, but may regrow brain cells and increase synaptic plasticity.
But above all, ECT gets my highest recommendation.
Nothing else comes close to its effectiveness.
I wish you the best, and I hope this thread finds other people who need it.
Again, I would wait about 4-8 weeks longer before deciding on any treatment.
You still have a chance that your problems will clear up in that time.
And I hope they do.
FBC
