BLULITER LackofMorality
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 15, 2002
- Messages
- 133
A little introduction to my side show tent...
...please take your time to read all of these hymns of broken hymens and hurl plenty of vegtables at my stage...with a rose in my teeth and sitting hip deep in a compost heep...i am thankful for all you have to say...Though i'm sure you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll cum, and maybe pass a little gas. It'll all be over before you know it..then you'll slap me and ask what the fuck was all that ruckus was for....
I will proclaim with great passion it is all for art...then stop and think i don't need your Slim Shady 2 cents or your falsified "i'm an artist too.. i can relate to thriving in utter conflict". But when it comes down to it...fuck your perception of art..i am art.
-----------------------------------------
from the dealing of chameleons you must endure
to the cunnilingus you receive
lets disappear with this from the voracious mass
and no longer speak for nothing I can utter would have a meaning
words only ride on the backs of hicC!UPS
and in the saddle of st-st-stuttersi'm searching frantically..in books, poems, songs, under mats, behind my eyes,
in couch cushions..searchinglookingnotfinding
-an installation of a mania for my written improvement
and nothing can analytically rape what runs in my head
swarms through my nerves
SWELLS my cock and stimulates my mind
and swims in my tear ducts
its from an emotion without a dialect or alphabet
hieroglyph or sound
an unspoken vision
lets read in silence blank pages
and speak with mouths wired shut
for if afterglow cuddles and endless awe-struck stares
can't express what i feel
no mere word can penetrate your porcelain
------------------------------------
open and free to every idea
and fallen in every hole
for there was no stand for any cause
a molecule lost in an ocean
drunken stumbles in a mosh pitthen to stand for something
to stand for many things
better be prepared for an onslaught of reaction
a holy war of a world's entire force
on the shoulders of an anteither way landing on your ass is immenent
-------------------
stupid black pen ran out of ink today..
it has ejaculated all the darkness it had
maybe with these pens ununsed
my writing attitude will change...
--------------
she makes the first move
or allowing the assurance to make it myself
lips move in and back away
hands up and down
and breats start to sway
fingers slide in crevices of fingers
hips bend and legs fly
he's the master one second
and in submission the next
the pase picks up
a careless rhythem sets in
who needs a bedroom lover
when the feelings of this waltz sets in
--------------------------------------------------the day i uttered those words to you
my cells molted away, they all clustered and fucked in the dirt
growing into brightly colored flowers
attract only to poison and cause itching, flaking, and rashes
leaving a blank canvas, loss of pigment to be filled by your pallete
paint scabs and cover wounds encased in scars
by the time you're done i'll a be painting so surreal and twisted
abstact and drunken, like the brush could be fucked dry and unusable
replaced by razor blades and cotton swabs
signed off and framed for crimes long ago committed
imprisoned in a jail of a personality
just as the Bourgeois do they're fucking purchases to hang on walls
fucking cunts, talking about them and not to them
just use them to cover holes in walls, holes in lives
make holes in wallets and in hearts
so with each stroke you make, every blot of acrylic and finger paints
knowing i was once an abstract or torment
once looking like a catalogue of emergency room costume party-
break-your-nose-dancing, ritual cattle mutilation backyard burlesque whore
but now wiped clean, like cleaning a baby's diaper splatter
with your brush in hand and artillery hanging from your belt
..i just want to end up looking like a post card of a family dinner...
i'll cross my fingers and not my legs, awaiting to see what you can make me
------------------------------------------------
knights lay down your swords
rest your shields at your side
drop the draw bridge and allow her passage
attend to this maiden's warmth
and fetch her food for thought
and clean garments...blouses and petticoats
but be wary, do not let her embibe our wine in excess
her poison ring is filled..
we don't want it spilling in our well in a drunken stuper
show her to her room and board..
just make sure she doesn't over stay her welcome
guards, populate the watch towers
maintain your sights on the horizon's hills
she mights have friends in those heron tents
gypsies, witches, pagan slave deciple, and other barbaric types
tonight i want this precious bird from the otherside
pampered and wings mended
yet keep her caged for now
and tomorrow she can fly to freedom
convince her to want my presence..whether for pleasure or conversation
but don't allow her to dent the defenses of my kingdom
----------------------------------------------
with a blink of my ear canal.... I listen to the
cry of the crickets in wonderland silenced from drugs
watch the sunburns dehydrate my eyelids
they crack and tatter away until my retina receives light again
and see you, and that you have expired long before the purchase date
peer into the hourglass of our past...and see an aggressive-fashion-rape-symphony
and yet I covet this final piece, a fine example of muliebrityI notice mankind is illustrated..but all I see in erasers never a pencil
a catless grin and smoke for words...
should display my love like a Christian towards the God of today
and my fear of you, like the Christian of yester-era...scared of the wrath
I know it should end...but this monkey mockery I carry on
like some melodrama play with a cast of street bumsI’m least theatrical..when no longer in your theater...
but I’m still wet from brush strokes
don't touch me until I’m dry... I will smear analogous communication sculpts my scratches and scars
induces the sob drenched mumbles of uncertainty.
remove the rungs of the ladder of Hell that I’m climbing
I almost forgot how pretty Hell can be
if you can get past the stench of doubt your apparel is nothing but ransom note cut up to paper dolls
meant to create an invitation to chaos and a demand for style
why attend any event, when you are one of shock value within itself
and why should I care about the audience.
'booos' are beautiful when harmonized these poems about you are therapeutic fire extinguisher
you're my censorship...the riveting ability of your theory..
of soulless art sold as a product
this oppression, impression, obsession
I lay down my pen, to allow my middle finger time to stretch
and a glance at my spider-webbed hairline fractured television occurs
to see Fllini's version of "Never Bet the Devil Your Head"
Amusing I find it in relation to my life..and this situation
as I forgive you, and move on to joy..
Will happiness drive me to dispair?
But I’ll keep acting like in a Cabaret satire or drama to see my throat is bloody and raw...some phlegm for protection
from screaming at the gods last night
begging them to not let this carry on as long as it takes bones to decay
lubrication of absinthe might add pastel shades to this ‘deer in the headlights’ state I am in
but only your truth. or this art, like shards of glass
and bloodstained asphalt at an intersection
can capture the pain or void of emotionmy thoughts I know are all terminal
with my unwashed brain and a belief in my new layer of skin
but I’m still growing..and to stay in this rotten shell..i will surely die I am no long focused on the journey of this exhibit relationship
but in particular, the curtains dropping, everyone's reaction
the tears, the fear, the want for more
You will not understand if you are sitting..
..the end of it all, when the show no longer goes on
and then it all collects in their heads..
the blissful and agonizing moments..the theme of it all
that you are like a piece of art
theatrics, paintings, song, or poetic stanza..
a lie.. to help me realize the ultimate truth
--------------------------------------------------
I've been acquainted with the tainted
i've made love to the razor
stroked the perversions of man
isolated in crowded crowds
drowned tears with fermented fluid
tripped into holes of love
and burried alive in them, a rock slide pain
and with soil in my lungs i do it again
i've sparred with hatred
and bashed it in alleys
but i've embraced it in cyclops stupers
i await the day it will all mute
and fall into place like a stilled picture
when i ride bareback alonside Death
----------------------------------------------
Impregnate and Cortorizeimpregnante my heart through one of many flesh wounds..
fill its womb, cortorize the rifts
seal and cage this misanthropy
masquerade as a concubine
just to give me one ounce of attention
hold this organ in your hands...
for i know you have no rhyme only some reasons..
waters of love so serene and calm,
yet violent and destructive....
leave me in orgasm...leave me in desolation
but through these gentle tides
and crashing crests..... craddle this heart..
it might weather...it may grow weak
but it'll tend to your hungers and desires
as long as you may need..
i'll be your tourniquet
-------------
Aquarius Starry Eyeswe both sleep under the same aquarius sky
and fallen victim to love's marketing schemes
psionicly we're together..side by side
i can't touch you, but when i lay my head..there you lay
Orion peers down to see us right before blinking out of consciousness...
each of us with one tear creeping down cheeks
wondering if we'll be together after millions of second hand clicks..
i assume because i have a faith i never had before
love beyond the fabrics of time and space..and damaged prisms of morality
strength in a consequentialist--the ends of this distance will justify the means
the pleasure will grow greater than the hyper-virus of pain
---------------------------------------
Just now leaving home
And entering the central nervous system
Waiting for a juggernaut….a monolith
Of love so great it’s grotesque
To deprive me of mediocrisy and hum-drumness
Of masturbation and self-loathing
Encompass me and I’ll swallow you whole
Found the apple of all my sin
My mouth wide open when I shake the tree
Waiting for you to fall and sit with me
My taste buds alert at the tyranny of your taste
Loving your passion and all my exaggerations
Makes me wonder why I suppressed early signs of infection
Love until we are so tangled
We cannot escape
So undefined and well designed
The only thing that adds color to my black mood
Exterminate those insects of depression
The expansion of pain of dissonance forms a beauty of sorts
When focused and captured shines like a bruise on God
Awareness of the side effects of all these thoughts
Finding there’s no cure
The re-birth to all, kills all in my head
An old me, a new me, you love
Woven into my soul, stitched up in thread
----------------------------------------------------------
black sheep looking for serenity in normalcy
outside of society, that's where i'll be
the undertow pulls...and doesn't allow for accomplishment
vines writhe, the insect swarm up my legs in astonishment
heart broken, more than i can bare
and sociological opinions...to rare to share
when no one in the world can just leave me to my suffering
i'm already as callus as i can be, i need no more toughening
i need to express myself...and ass kiss to become
i've swallowed my pride in order to thrive, like a whore to cum
one step up, is another minefield on an eggshell landscape
to ensure i can never truly love, never make it in the world, yet never escape..
everytime i overcome hate, you give me another reason for it to fester
obstacles of jesters...molesters, my morality and stability testers
i held in high light a goal..on a pedestal that affect all other finish lines
now like an abandoned abortion,i am left behind,
African American Newborn Found In Trashcan...sound synonymous to my headlines
but what can expect from a girl of orgasms, and a life full of ladder rungs
for her to leave me in the state...so consuming.. the beginning of what i'll become
i tried all i could for her..my ring finger cut with abrasives to the bone
i gave in every aspect...just to be lied to and left alone
my education like an embarrassed child in a sport..up to bat again
my money i busted my ass for a year..just to see her for a short time spent
motivation to dress to impress...and define my naked image
my knowledge expanded in the pages of books..like i was preparing for a mental scrimmage
i gave my love in the infinity of thought.. to a beauty too beautiful to be
but that's the outside shell lies provide.. petals now wilt, pedestals now tarnished, as i watch platinum leave
and be replace for pewter...maybe even the fate slate..
but i know my heart..my life has been left black, empty and opaque
so now i rhyme my lines in an outlet of diction and dictation
of how i rose to the occasion of invasion, where the truth was beyond imagination
now my words burn with passion..my depression spreads like rashes
another scar on my wrist to explain a flow like irrigation from razor lashes
like a revolutionary...i screamed for freedom or death..
and found a freedom in honesty and love... blindly without a test
i never called bluffs.....now laying in wreckage of crashes
and only love...will help me rise from the ashes
----------------------------------------------------------------------
deaf as the Trojan prophetess Casandra
if Neptune had filled her ears with fluid
and i know Loki lurks like a drooling queer
in the black heart of every sampled rib
with a blindfold around my head
and a Confederate flag in the Virgo's hand
one foot on my chest
laying on my back of a thousand lashings
she stands proud
like a fascist crumbling another Jewish citizen
she glares down through "holier than thou" eyes
she spits, she laughs..at her new slave
she was the attractive apple
and i bit down to the core
now i suffer from knowledge
innocence to temptation..all the way to whore
leave me with incurable sores
and in my last breath in chlorine gas
I whisper in a strain, "I still love you"
i was bent over in hunger for love
like a beggar is for food
she fed me LSD to distort my visions
Xanex and whiskey to numb my senses
my fingers blood-shod
from over caressing porcupine quills
with the appearance of skin
elegance comparable to a Chinese noble newborn
her whole essence -an error in the birth of destiny
her Virgin Mary/Ginsberg alter-ego sexual perculiarness
it is what hooked me, then destroyed me
in the closet...all the skeletons, lays traps for all the Amazon animals..
and in its shadows..all the nightmares turn real...all the monsters come alive
and now i lay here dead...another conquest for a Lolita..
my soul wanted to kill the king
Slaughter all the devil's daughters
And annihilate everything
closed the portal to all my dreams
So with a fist I tried to slit my wrist
Let mother earth taste my blood
My emotional outlet…A river of feminine famine
Dripping in a puddle of mud
but the Hindu Kali got to me first...
and in a revolution battlefield i lay dead
I slept with the enemy
Now i take my place amongst all the other corpses..
..from the betrayal in love
in a Japanese field overlooked by Hoji
-------------------------------------------
Reading Whitman in a class
"the learn'd astronomer" or some shit
just waiting to go home lke the other 15 maggots in here
ironic i find that his poem values simplicity, beauty, and asthetics of the stars
over the diagrams, charts, coldness, and harshness of a scientist
and this they teach in technology university?I read and re-read and realize very little of what i write has no prose
very little of what i write has no setting...and that my meter and rhyme
is sparadict as an addict
and i just write what comes to mindthat most of my writing is an exageration of emotion, ideals, and situations
stretched, chaotic, and unorganized
as a militia of freedom fighters in a rioting revoltI rely on a nail to wrist to crucifix shock value to grab attention
crucify myself eveytime i allow someone to see inside me..spewing FUCKING obscenties to show my GOD DAMNED convictionsimilies, metaphors, and a vocabulary...
to prove my colussus intelliegence
or my mammoth insecurities and imbecile stupidity..I don't leave people wondering..
...what...i'm ..about..to ....
...say..and as i read this short poem one last time
I wonder if i'll be read and thought of in such a way..its all just a pen to paper SCREAM
to get it all out today..
-------------------------------------------
she has more problems than she can take
and no one is there, no one understands
so she takes in more cocks than she can shake
line them up at her mouth
double penetration in her crotch
no condoms, fill her, make her feel wanted and appreciated
she special as a sperm
a little hash, another drink, one more pill
to numb it all away
look how easy the world goes away
is it folly of youth?
or a depressive cry and reach?
this pill whore princess
nudist dancing star, cum wad face mask
her life has been titled and laced
she loves all the abuse...
because it makes her feel need now..--
-------------------------------
what have we turned our women into?
the pressures the world lays upon them
a porn star, a hooker, maybe just a teen-age slut
a resident for a bordello, once raped, twice molested
"rest hotels" geishas for her or him
frat regulars unknowingly loaded on GHB
use and abuse this stranger and her anal beads
strip away hope, pay attention to their bodies
give them some kind of purpose
they feel degraded, us cocks feel proud
whenever we break their hymen
blood flows, tears drop, as they scream out loud
we soil white sheets...and angelic lives
no longer do we worship our princesses...
we just fuck our whores..
------------------------------------------------
fear of deceit, deception
retreat for cowardice or retaliation
all the counterfeit beautiful people
with bleached and starched lives
they can't even smell their own rotten shit
mucus bubbling up, as they drown in their lies
their eyes black, and a knife in my back
from urn ashes, their cosmetics arise
suck it, swallow, and smile
stuffing attention, money, crucifixes, and pills
in between their thighs
America-a Genisis of fakes and flakes
a manifestation of vats, composed of two-faces personas
Batman-esque alter egos
relaxation in their saturated piss/pseudo steam sonas
my childhood smiles replaced by questioning eyes
and furrowed brows
innaguaration of bittersweet paranoia
a deja-vu of loneline in darkness
my life, my visions, sights, feelings
trusts, safeguards, and hopes
destroyed by a reign of fallacies
i can breathe, i can't cope
life long stroll in a murky sea at night
searching for safety in every step
truth so rare it fearful, trembling all the secrets i have kept
truth so prescious its strange
like staring at an asylum cell light bulb
seeing truth and feeling so derranged
eon lasting espionage..never ending sabotage...
and things will never change
-------------------------------
[ 05 December 2002: Message edited by: BLULITER LackofMorality ]
...please take your time to read all of these hymns of broken hymens and hurl plenty of vegtables at my stage...with a rose in my teeth and sitting hip deep in a compost heep...i am thankful for all you have to say...Though i'm sure you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll cum, and maybe pass a little gas. It'll all be over before you know it..then you'll slap me and ask what the fuck was all that ruckus was for....
I will proclaim with great passion it is all for art...then stop and think i don't need your Slim Shady 2 cents or your falsified "i'm an artist too.. i can relate to thriving in utter conflict". But when it comes down to it...fuck your perception of art..i am art.
-----------------------------------------
from the dealing of chameleons you must endure
to the cunnilingus you receive
lets disappear with this from the voracious mass
and no longer speak for nothing I can utter would have a meaning
words only ride on the backs of hicC!UPS
and in the saddle of st-st-stuttersi'm searching frantically..in books, poems, songs, under mats, behind my eyes,
in couch cushions..searchinglookingnotfinding
-an installation of a mania for my written improvement
and nothing can analytically rape what runs in my head
swarms through my nerves
SWELLS my cock and stimulates my mind
and swims in my tear ducts
its from an emotion without a dialect or alphabet
hieroglyph or sound
an unspoken vision
lets read in silence blank pages
and speak with mouths wired shut
for if afterglow cuddles and endless awe-struck stares
can't express what i feel
no mere word can penetrate your porcelain
------------------------------------
open and free to every idea
and fallen in every hole
for there was no stand for any cause
a molecule lost in an ocean
drunken stumbles in a mosh pitthen to stand for something
to stand for many things
better be prepared for an onslaught of reaction
a holy war of a world's entire force
on the shoulders of an anteither way landing on your ass is immenent
-------------------
stupid black pen ran out of ink today..
it has ejaculated all the darkness it had
maybe with these pens ununsed
my writing attitude will change...
--------------
she makes the first move
or allowing the assurance to make it myself
lips move in and back away
hands up and down
and breats start to sway
fingers slide in crevices of fingers
hips bend and legs fly
he's the master one second
and in submission the next
the pase picks up
a careless rhythem sets in
who needs a bedroom lover
when the feelings of this waltz sets in
--------------------------------------------------the day i uttered those words to you
my cells molted away, they all clustered and fucked in the dirt
growing into brightly colored flowers
attract only to poison and cause itching, flaking, and rashes
leaving a blank canvas, loss of pigment to be filled by your pallete
paint scabs and cover wounds encased in scars
by the time you're done i'll a be painting so surreal and twisted
abstact and drunken, like the brush could be fucked dry and unusable
replaced by razor blades and cotton swabs
signed off and framed for crimes long ago committed
imprisoned in a jail of a personality
just as the Bourgeois do they're fucking purchases to hang on walls
fucking cunts, talking about them and not to them
just use them to cover holes in walls, holes in lives
make holes in wallets and in hearts
so with each stroke you make, every blot of acrylic and finger paints
knowing i was once an abstract or torment
once looking like a catalogue of emergency room costume party-
break-your-nose-dancing, ritual cattle mutilation backyard burlesque whore
but now wiped clean, like cleaning a baby's diaper splatter
with your brush in hand and artillery hanging from your belt
..i just want to end up looking like a post card of a family dinner...
i'll cross my fingers and not my legs, awaiting to see what you can make me
------------------------------------------------
knights lay down your swords
rest your shields at your side
drop the draw bridge and allow her passage
attend to this maiden's warmth
and fetch her food for thought
and clean garments...blouses and petticoats
but be wary, do not let her embibe our wine in excess
her poison ring is filled..
we don't want it spilling in our well in a drunken stuper
show her to her room and board..
just make sure she doesn't over stay her welcome
guards, populate the watch towers
maintain your sights on the horizon's hills
she mights have friends in those heron tents
gypsies, witches, pagan slave deciple, and other barbaric types
tonight i want this precious bird from the otherside
pampered and wings mended
yet keep her caged for now
and tomorrow she can fly to freedom
convince her to want my presence..whether for pleasure or conversation
but don't allow her to dent the defenses of my kingdom
----------------------------------------------
with a blink of my ear canal.... I listen to the
cry of the crickets in wonderland silenced from drugs
watch the sunburns dehydrate my eyelids
they crack and tatter away until my retina receives light again
and see you, and that you have expired long before the purchase date
peer into the hourglass of our past...and see an aggressive-fashion-rape-symphony
and yet I covet this final piece, a fine example of muliebrityI notice mankind is illustrated..but all I see in erasers never a pencil
a catless grin and smoke for words...
should display my love like a Christian towards the God of today
and my fear of you, like the Christian of yester-era...scared of the wrath
I know it should end...but this monkey mockery I carry on
like some melodrama play with a cast of street bumsI’m least theatrical..when no longer in your theater...
but I’m still wet from brush strokes
don't touch me until I’m dry... I will smear analogous communication sculpts my scratches and scars
induces the sob drenched mumbles of uncertainty.
remove the rungs of the ladder of Hell that I’m climbing
I almost forgot how pretty Hell can be
if you can get past the stench of doubt your apparel is nothing but ransom note cut up to paper dolls
meant to create an invitation to chaos and a demand for style
why attend any event, when you are one of shock value within itself
and why should I care about the audience.
'booos' are beautiful when harmonized these poems about you are therapeutic fire extinguisher
you're my censorship...the riveting ability of your theory..
of soulless art sold as a product
this oppression, impression, obsession
I lay down my pen, to allow my middle finger time to stretch
and a glance at my spider-webbed hairline fractured television occurs
to see Fllini's version of "Never Bet the Devil Your Head"
Amusing I find it in relation to my life..and this situation
as I forgive you, and move on to joy..
Will happiness drive me to dispair?
But I’ll keep acting like in a Cabaret satire or drama to see my throat is bloody and raw...some phlegm for protection
from screaming at the gods last night
begging them to not let this carry on as long as it takes bones to decay
lubrication of absinthe might add pastel shades to this ‘deer in the headlights’ state I am in
but only your truth. or this art, like shards of glass
and bloodstained asphalt at an intersection
can capture the pain or void of emotionmy thoughts I know are all terminal
with my unwashed brain and a belief in my new layer of skin
but I’m still growing..and to stay in this rotten shell..i will surely die I am no long focused on the journey of this exhibit relationship
but in particular, the curtains dropping, everyone's reaction
the tears, the fear, the want for more
You will not understand if you are sitting..
..the end of it all, when the show no longer goes on
and then it all collects in their heads..
the blissful and agonizing moments..the theme of it all
that you are like a piece of art
theatrics, paintings, song, or poetic stanza..
a lie.. to help me realize the ultimate truth
--------------------------------------------------
I've been acquainted with the tainted
i've made love to the razor
stroked the perversions of man
isolated in crowded crowds
drowned tears with fermented fluid
tripped into holes of love
and burried alive in them, a rock slide pain
and with soil in my lungs i do it again
i've sparred with hatred
and bashed it in alleys
but i've embraced it in cyclops stupers
i await the day it will all mute
and fall into place like a stilled picture
when i ride bareback alonside Death
----------------------------------------------
Impregnate and Cortorizeimpregnante my heart through one of many flesh wounds..
fill its womb, cortorize the rifts
seal and cage this misanthropy
masquerade as a concubine
just to give me one ounce of attention
hold this organ in your hands...
for i know you have no rhyme only some reasons..
waters of love so serene and calm,
yet violent and destructive....
leave me in orgasm...leave me in desolation
but through these gentle tides
and crashing crests..... craddle this heart..
it might weather...it may grow weak
but it'll tend to your hungers and desires
as long as you may need..
i'll be your tourniquet
-------------
Aquarius Starry Eyeswe both sleep under the same aquarius sky
and fallen victim to love's marketing schemes
psionicly we're together..side by side
i can't touch you, but when i lay my head..there you lay
Orion peers down to see us right before blinking out of consciousness...
each of us with one tear creeping down cheeks
wondering if we'll be together after millions of second hand clicks..
i assume because i have a faith i never had before
love beyond the fabrics of time and space..and damaged prisms of morality
strength in a consequentialist--the ends of this distance will justify the means
the pleasure will grow greater than the hyper-virus of pain
---------------------------------------
Just now leaving home
And entering the central nervous system
Waiting for a juggernaut….a monolith
Of love so great it’s grotesque
To deprive me of mediocrisy and hum-drumness
Of masturbation and self-loathing
Encompass me and I’ll swallow you whole
Found the apple of all my sin
My mouth wide open when I shake the tree
Waiting for you to fall and sit with me
My taste buds alert at the tyranny of your taste
Loving your passion and all my exaggerations
Makes me wonder why I suppressed early signs of infection
Love until we are so tangled
We cannot escape
So undefined and well designed
The only thing that adds color to my black mood
Exterminate those insects of depression
The expansion of pain of dissonance forms a beauty of sorts
When focused and captured shines like a bruise on God
Awareness of the side effects of all these thoughts
Finding there’s no cure
The re-birth to all, kills all in my head
An old me, a new me, you love
Woven into my soul, stitched up in thread
----------------------------------------------------------
black sheep looking for serenity in normalcy
outside of society, that's where i'll be
the undertow pulls...and doesn't allow for accomplishment
vines writhe, the insect swarm up my legs in astonishment
heart broken, more than i can bare
and sociological opinions...to rare to share
when no one in the world can just leave me to my suffering
i'm already as callus as i can be, i need no more toughening
i need to express myself...and ass kiss to become
i've swallowed my pride in order to thrive, like a whore to cum
one step up, is another minefield on an eggshell landscape
to ensure i can never truly love, never make it in the world, yet never escape..
everytime i overcome hate, you give me another reason for it to fester
obstacles of jesters...molesters, my morality and stability testers
i held in high light a goal..on a pedestal that affect all other finish lines
now like an abandoned abortion,i am left behind,
African American Newborn Found In Trashcan...sound synonymous to my headlines
but what can expect from a girl of orgasms, and a life full of ladder rungs
for her to leave me in the state...so consuming.. the beginning of what i'll become
i tried all i could for her..my ring finger cut with abrasives to the bone
i gave in every aspect...just to be lied to and left alone
my education like an embarrassed child in a sport..up to bat again
my money i busted my ass for a year..just to see her for a short time spent
motivation to dress to impress...and define my naked image
my knowledge expanded in the pages of books..like i was preparing for a mental scrimmage
i gave my love in the infinity of thought.. to a beauty too beautiful to be
but that's the outside shell lies provide.. petals now wilt, pedestals now tarnished, as i watch platinum leave
and be replace for pewter...maybe even the fate slate..
but i know my heart..my life has been left black, empty and opaque
so now i rhyme my lines in an outlet of diction and dictation
of how i rose to the occasion of invasion, where the truth was beyond imagination
now my words burn with passion..my depression spreads like rashes
another scar on my wrist to explain a flow like irrigation from razor lashes
like a revolutionary...i screamed for freedom or death..
and found a freedom in honesty and love... blindly without a test
i never called bluffs.....now laying in wreckage of crashes
and only love...will help me rise from the ashes
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deaf as the Trojan prophetess Casandra
if Neptune had filled her ears with fluid
and i know Loki lurks like a drooling queer
in the black heart of every sampled rib
with a blindfold around my head
and a Confederate flag in the Virgo's hand
one foot on my chest
laying on my back of a thousand lashings
she stands proud
like a fascist crumbling another Jewish citizen
she glares down through "holier than thou" eyes
she spits, she laughs..at her new slave
she was the attractive apple
and i bit down to the core
now i suffer from knowledge
innocence to temptation..all the way to whore
leave me with incurable sores
and in my last breath in chlorine gas
I whisper in a strain, "I still love you"
i was bent over in hunger for love
like a beggar is for food
she fed me LSD to distort my visions
Xanex and whiskey to numb my senses
my fingers blood-shod
from over caressing porcupine quills
with the appearance of skin
elegance comparable to a Chinese noble newborn
her whole essence -an error in the birth of destiny
her Virgin Mary/Ginsberg alter-ego sexual perculiarness
it is what hooked me, then destroyed me
in the closet...all the skeletons, lays traps for all the Amazon animals..
and in its shadows..all the nightmares turn real...all the monsters come alive
and now i lay here dead...another conquest for a Lolita..
my soul wanted to kill the king
Slaughter all the devil's daughters
And annihilate everything
closed the portal to all my dreams
So with a fist I tried to slit my wrist
Let mother earth taste my blood
My emotional outlet…A river of feminine famine
Dripping in a puddle of mud
but the Hindu Kali got to me first...
and in a revolution battlefield i lay dead
I slept with the enemy
Now i take my place amongst all the other corpses..
..from the betrayal in love
in a Japanese field overlooked by Hoji
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Reading Whitman in a class
"the learn'd astronomer" or some shit
just waiting to go home lke the other 15 maggots in here
ironic i find that his poem values simplicity, beauty, and asthetics of the stars
over the diagrams, charts, coldness, and harshness of a scientist
and this they teach in technology university?I read and re-read and realize very little of what i write has no prose
very little of what i write has no setting...and that my meter and rhyme
is sparadict as an addict
and i just write what comes to mindthat most of my writing is an exageration of emotion, ideals, and situations
stretched, chaotic, and unorganized
as a militia of freedom fighters in a rioting revoltI rely on a nail to wrist to crucifix shock value to grab attention
crucify myself eveytime i allow someone to see inside me..spewing FUCKING obscenties to show my GOD DAMNED convictionsimilies, metaphors, and a vocabulary...
to prove my colussus intelliegence
or my mammoth insecurities and imbecile stupidity..I don't leave people wondering..
...what...i'm ..about..to ....
...say..and as i read this short poem one last time
I wonder if i'll be read and thought of in such a way..its all just a pen to paper SCREAM
to get it all out today..
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she has more problems than she can take
and no one is there, no one understands
so she takes in more cocks than she can shake
line them up at her mouth
double penetration in her crotch
no condoms, fill her, make her feel wanted and appreciated
she special as a sperm
a little hash, another drink, one more pill
to numb it all away
look how easy the world goes away
is it folly of youth?
or a depressive cry and reach?
this pill whore princess
nudist dancing star, cum wad face mask
her life has been titled and laced
she loves all the abuse...
because it makes her feel need now..--
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what have we turned our women into?
the pressures the world lays upon them
a porn star, a hooker, maybe just a teen-age slut
a resident for a bordello, once raped, twice molested
"rest hotels" geishas for her or him
frat regulars unknowingly loaded on GHB
use and abuse this stranger and her anal beads
strip away hope, pay attention to their bodies
give them some kind of purpose
they feel degraded, us cocks feel proud
whenever we break their hymen
blood flows, tears drop, as they scream out loud
we soil white sheets...and angelic lives
no longer do we worship our princesses...
we just fuck our whores..
------------------------------------------------
fear of deceit, deception
retreat for cowardice or retaliation
all the counterfeit beautiful people
with bleached and starched lives
they can't even smell their own rotten shit
mucus bubbling up, as they drown in their lies
their eyes black, and a knife in my back
from urn ashes, their cosmetics arise
suck it, swallow, and smile
stuffing attention, money, crucifixes, and pills
in between their thighs
America-a Genisis of fakes and flakes
a manifestation of vats, composed of two-faces personas
Batman-esque alter egos
relaxation in their saturated piss/pseudo steam sonas
my childhood smiles replaced by questioning eyes
and furrowed brows
innaguaration of bittersweet paranoia
a deja-vu of loneline in darkness
my life, my visions, sights, feelings
trusts, safeguards, and hopes
destroyed by a reign of fallacies
i can breathe, i can't cope
life long stroll in a murky sea at night
searching for safety in every step
truth so rare it fearful, trembling all the secrets i have kept
truth so prescious its strange
like staring at an asylum cell light bulb
seeing truth and feeling so derranged
eon lasting espionage..never ending sabotage...
and things will never change
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[ 05 December 2002: Message edited by: BLULITER LackofMorality ]
