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COMBAT PTSD and FENTANYL

Hey brother, I understand your situation maybe a little better then some of the others here because like you I am a vet ( 2 tours Iraq 3 Afghanistan), I wont get into to much detail here but like you I was injured severely ( twice in fact) Long story short when I left the service it was after having the left knee replaced, right one rebuilt and a shit load of various other injuries stemming from the shrapnel( and those where just the wounds you could see). Took a long time for me after I stopped the opiates to get just back to normal. It is a process that varies from person to person, and you are carrying around a lot of weight brother, from all those friends you lost from a million little mistakes you look back on from the feeling of begin trapped by the drug and from the guilt of taking the drug to block it out. I understand that; all of it man. But you made the first serious step bro- you stopped, and are walking down that road now. Hell you humped it across half a country in shit weather, dealing with every form of bullshit so you have it in yourself to dig deep and carry on. Just know that a lot of people here will be with you on your journey into recovery. Just follow the advice, believe in your self and remember your not alone man. If you feel the need to reach out do it, I am here for you if you ever want to PM and chat to get any thing off your chest. Hold Fast.
 
Today I woke and had no thought of hanging myself. I got my fentanyl patches Sat...I have one in my pocket with a sticky RX printout attached to it. You know, so if a cop finds it he can see a DR at the VA hospital prescribed it to me. I hurt all over esp the areas I actually got a 75 fentanyl patch for. I can not adequately express in words how I felt when i got a letter from my Veterans Hospital Dr telling me he prescribed one last thirty day dose and for me to find another Dr to RX it to me. Hmm. Possibly...God rot his eyes and may he flame in hell. It torqued me off so badly...it was caused I missed an appointment at the pain management clinic...which I missed cause my psychiatry Dr told me the pain clinic Dr approved the change I had requested from every 72 hours to every 48 hours, and that my reg clinic Dr had signed off on it. Then when I tried to remake an appointment with the pain clinic Dr...his secretary refused to give me an appointment...saying "I am not going to get into an argument between two Doctors." So I wrote a letter to my clinic Dr and told him it appears to me my pain is of no consequence to him, and why should it be since it is my pain and not his. Like the difference between major and minor surgery...minor surgery is that surgery which is not done to one's self. Anyway at my psychiatry Doctors intervention I received another appointment to the pain clinic and my clinic Dr wrote a prescription to cover me till then. Such is veterans care in the US. Jeez could I rant and rave about that. And I do not mean to burden you with my trivial details, it is just that I wish to tell you that I have not yet put one of these patches on because how well I know what the gov't givith, so can the gov't taketh, and I would rather live in pain than groveling for my daily pain relief. In fact, I would rather suck a camels ass than go through the anxiety, worry and humiliation of chain-yanking they have always put me through for adequate pain relief. Today I say these words...not sure how long I can keep it up...but I hope I can break away from the fentanyl.
Oh...one more thing...I am not smart enough to know if only you will read this or a wide post...I tried for a wide post but feel I missed that Mark
 
I had EMDR, ended up in the psych ward, just too much to handle. Glad it worked some for you...I wonder if it's like RX meds, different stuff works for different people, nothing works for all people? Anyway I got my fentanyl in the mail...have one in my pocket but haven't put it on. Reset the agony clock? Don't want to cause I have never made it so far...at least not this hour this day
 
Wow. 5 combat tours is a huge chunk out of your life...in so many many ways. I am shocked you were able to get off the stuff...it took me 8 years to desire to pull my head out of the fog. I have a patch in my pocket, have for 3 days but have not yet put it on. The idea of visiting my dead has become overwhelming...and I do not want to reset the agony clock...I never made it this far before. Another thing is the way the VA has yanked my chain over the pain meds...I feel that since its not their pain they don't feel it much...like the difference between major surgery and minor surgery...minor surgery is that which is done to someone else. Fentanyl was body armor for the mind...but you spoke the truth, if you can carry half your body weight in 124 degree heat while wearing a sign that Mohammad Sucks through Baghdad, it does give you an edge to quit. I think. Thanks bro. Now I have moments I feel ok then moments I feel yuckified. Next I think I will chuck the psych meds, which from previous experience might be worse. Efexor. Any info on that subject?
 
Hey welcome to BL I see you joined in 2010 but just now started posting, Your posting in a awesome part of this site. You should get lots of help from people here.

So I'm sorry if I missed this but I saw you stopped the fent and then got some in the mail, so have you taken any that was just sent to you?

You might not want to chuck your psych meds, you should see your therapist/doctor about that. Maybe therapy can help. You don't want to go off the deep end yea know, if you toss the psych med out? Effexor ahhh worst shit my doc ever gave me for ptsd. Long story short I stopped it after a week of starting it, but everyone's different that something you'd need to talk with your doctor about.
 
I would get those patches to a less accessible place before the addiction wears you down and you slap on on. Because our opiat receptors are so fired up after prolonged use you will find yourself right back in the hell you just clawed out of almost immediately. You can live without the drugs.. its the only way to try and heal from your wounds. Hope you are able to work through some of them and find some peace eventually<3
 
I got off frankly because, I got to the point of depression where I did slit my wrists. Thankfully my lil sister got me to the Hospital in time, I did my time in the psych ward, and frankly the therapy helped me realize that while the pain meds where helping the physical pain they were letting me ignore the real pain of the psychological issues. So my advice to you mate is stick to the therapy, try to find some psych meds that work well with you, not all meds work for all people like you said. Effxor for me did not work. I took seroquel for a while just came off of it last winter (m choice). My real issue was the not sleeping and the anxiety attacks, I have Valium which I do not take often, but they do help when I have a panic attack. But every one is different. Being more physical, helped me walking at first then setting goals to reach fro my self physically getting on track so you don’t feel used up is important. Friends and family are a big help man, they are your support system lean on them when you can. But I under stand not being able to talk to them about some things, especially if they have ever been there or done that. For me I found a doc that was a vet, helped a lot as he could relate. That is an important thing As well man try to stay in touch with the families of those you have lost. They will appreciate it, and it will help you and them heal, some times it will be hard. Recovering from those wounds mental and physical is a long road but you just have to set small goals, and every one you make adds to the picture. I know the VA system blows, but just try to work with a doc you like, keep the therapy up PT and the emotional work in the long run it helps. You may have to go through several drugs for the depression, but you will find some thing that does. Once you begin sorting out the head fuck you can start working on the body man, and when your ready you can start top slowly come off the meds. But only when your ready. Like I said man good luck and if you need to chat PM me and by the way brother thank you for your service- I know you don’t hear that enough.
~Cheers.
 
You are obviously a strong person who has been pushed to breaking point and you are now trying to claw your way back out and I salute you for fighting back against the demon of opiates. No one truly understands how hard and insufferable this situation can be and how much it pushes you to your limits, without going through this themselves.

Get rid of that patch. Do it now.

Many doctors do not give a shit about us pain patients and you are right to be concerned about having to worry about being enslaved to the govt for pain meds, as they can and will stop them dead when you need them most. We are all here for you and willing you on and know you can break this hold on your life and get the old you back.

It is probably safer for you to stop one med at a time and stabilise before stopping the psych meds next.
 
I wish I had stopped effexor after one week. I been on It since I got back from Iraq in 05. Once I forgot my meds one day and got.the worst headache of my life. It took me a long time to catch on. Yeah I did get debt in the mail...three times I have used it by sticking it on for half an hour to ease jitters but got kratom in the mail so started that instead. Jeez that really helps. Yeah I joined in 2010 tried to get off fentanyl then...this is the best I have done. If my VA doc had told me about how hard to would be to quit, I never would have started fentanyl or effexor. Lately I have been walking with my dog again, and have been feeling better mostly except at night. Plus this end of year time is the worst trigger time, messing with me a lot. My great Dane is really a help...she is getting old and has feet problems. Looseing her will be like Dec 21 04 for me...she really is the only friend I have. Don't like to think of it. Don't like to think of a lot of stuff...which the fentanyl really helped with
 
Thanks to all of you. In my heart I know you are right about getting rid of the fentanyl laying around. Esp with November and December trigger dates creeping up. I can give them to my daughter...Don't know at this point if I can bring myself to just toss them. And my big true worry is loosing my great Dane. I think a lot about hanging myself when she is gone. In some weird way it is tied in with Nick dieing in my arms. Don't like to think. Don't like looking in that direction. One thing that has helped is books on tape. Keeps my thoughts true.
 
Why don't you get a puppy to company your Dane? The puppy might make her "happy" not that you don't. And you might grow on the puppy and she will be there for you as a back up. I hope that made sense. What makes you think she will pass here soon?
 
My great Dane might outlive us all. Far as I know there is no sudden death looming, but great Danes do not live so long generally. 8 years avg. 5 I know I've lived to 13, and one to 14. But darn, most not so long. It scares me. But none of us are guaranteed another day. And I do not pick my friends based on how long they might live. Still, darn. My great Dane is old. 8 in January. She is very dog aggressive. When she sees another dog she turns into a Mr Hyde...I have at times been afraid she will bust through the truck windshield...so getting another puppy seems out of the question, although I got a calico cat a few years ago...and she learned to get along...I don't know...scary stuff
 
yeah it sucks to say having injured myself so bad i couldn't walk without someone dragging me (witch hurt like shit) but as i was saying it sucks to say but long term "consistant" my g pa takes pain meds but only when the pain is as bad as it can get but long term daily use of painkilers not only makes you hurt more than you would of w/o them (while sober) and if you were born an addict which to be fair isn't always predictable but an addict should never take an opiate/oid they feel to good to ever want anything else seriously i'm like those caged mice that had a choice between cocaine and water except unlike the mice i'm free to do with my life as i please i've never met an addict quite so as extreme as myself though from the first time i used a drug i liked if there was more i was gonna take it until i either passed out or at least got so loaded i couldn't think straight
long story short painkillers if used for chronic pain and to be used to dull not just extreme pain but i would go as far as to say it shouldn't be used on someone who experiences moderate pain daily because it's impossible to take an opiate daily and not become at the least physically addicted
 
tukabirdy said:
You will get better....this is the fucked up time...after my stint detoxing methadone I got to a weird point like you are experiencing now...it's fucked UP man....but it passes.

Some of my peeps tell me fent is different in detox.....it all sucks ass.

I went last year for that EMDR therapy. I'm no vet but my father died in my arms after suffering heavy pain for months...every day he begged me to die....that sucked too. So fuck it....I went for three sessions. Relief. It's weird too. I was ready to put it down. I helped pull the plug on my dad...he wanted it over...my brother was a help but he wasn't there to carry the goddamn load.

The shit worked.... peace takes on a whole new meaning.
Click to expand...

I am sorry to hear about your dad's suffering. ❤️
 
Stay strong SSG <3

You will never overcome your psychological pain, until you endure it sober. Consider the time you spent using opiates worthless in terms of getting over grief. You never start getting over it until you're sober, in my experience.

I sincerely wish you the best! PLEASE stay strong, and get help! you don't need to do this alone! Have you considering a treatment facility?
 
Combat ptsd fentanyl n ms contin

I was completely off fentanyl when my new patches came in the mail. Yep, I reset the agony clock, and am now am out of fentanyl. Went to the veterans hospital and told my Dr to put me on pills...he gave me ms contin, 15 mg, one or two every 12 hrs. Two 15mg 's contin to replace 75 fentanyl patches feels like I took a cup of water. How many 15 ms contin would I need to take to quit the withdrawal feeling? Any help I would be so thankful for. I know why addicts hang themselves rather than have withdrawal.
 
75 mcg per hour of fentanyl? I can't give you advice except to say go see your GP and tell him your withdrawing because of the fentanyl and the 15 mg is just prolonging the agony. As a guess it'd take a few oxy's to come close to the dose I suspect you have been on and if you did you'd be back at square 1 again in no fucking time as you'd chomp all your oxycontins and have nothing left except dope sickness and a less than sympathetic doctor. Do not do this it's a recipe for disaster and opiate with drawl from hell. Fuck just thinking about the cold clammy sweats, nausea, aching joints, muscles... anyhow see your doctor don't self medicate unless you want to be dope sick for longer with no hope of a tapered with drawl.
 
Hey SSGWAR.. sorry you find yourself back in the thick of it again.. Its a damn vicious cycle isn't it. Your going to find your way outta this:)

Opioid Conversion Chart

Im going to medge this new thread with your old one as its often powerful thing to have a full running thread of a an addicts struggles and victories. PM me if you have any concerns.
 
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