Coloured in

[onetwothreefour]

You just see outlines,
declare them empty
(But of course!)

These pencilled shapes
cannot be measured
loaded up
taken home for show and tell

So bite down
there's flesh inside
deep and tender
outlines rich, they blur

I know you though:
wolf it down
then cry, "it's gone!"

You never even
believed it was there.

 

[onetwothreefour]

personal critique: i confuse my metaphors far too often.

 

[OCjunky]

enjoyed that , very descriptive.

 

[drEaMtiMe*@#]

it always hurts being taken for granted. or alternatively watching others do it to the people or things in their lives. this is what i interpreted this piece as being about, which is probably why the last line is my favourite.

interesting piece.

 

[Dastrix Slogan]

I like the this starts and how the thin pencil drawing becomes full and real when "bitten into"

Sad tho sometimes the biting leaves some scars

 

[katmeow]

I like it when I can read a piece of writing and not necessarily know what was going on in the writer's mind, but still construct my own personal meaning from the prose. This really fits my state of mind at the moment. There's simplicity in the language used, but still so much emotion is conveyed.

It works really well brad

 

[up all night]

I have no idea what this was about but then your work is always a little abstract. I like it Brad.

 

[onetwothreefour]

thanks everyone

dreamtime: that's pretty much spot on. it's funny that it's not necessarily true to its starting point. i kinda began with an idea and by the end it was something entirely different, but it still made sense.

...unlike that sentence

 

[Mary Poppins]

I liked this. Your style can be really varied I think (which is great) and this pithier one is another one you can lay claim to doing well

It reminded me of the end of a relationship, or trying to convince someone that it's worth the effort. I can see why you wrote the "metaphors confused" comment - but i don't think it detracts from it per se..it's more just like a metaphor within a metaphor..which i think is actually quite common.

so, i liked it. last few lines were my favourite - they really hit home.