Thanks. I've definitely had suicidal thoughts, and you can read about some of what I'm going through in the bipolar mega thread, but there are several barriers against me committing suicide which are probably impermeable.
These include:
1. The thought of the amount of money wasted on me if I committed suicide, not just as it relates to my family, but for society overall; as a plus I consider myself a potential beneficiary of society, which leads to...
2. I have a spiritual/humanistic duty to help lead a peaceful, love-promoting revolution in the future
3. I think people who kill themselves are simply pussies, and I'm not a pussy
4. Whenever I seriously, I mean seriously think of suicide I either start ridiculing myself or my mood changes for the better
5. I haven't tried all the drugs I want to in the doses that I want to
6. I need a son
7. I've been through worse physically and mentally, believe it or not (this includes going cold turkey from an alcohol addiction while developing a psychotic illness while leaving a liberal, suburban neighborhood for a hostile, city-like atmosphere; and having cancer; and going through opiate, tobacco, and heavy weed withdrawal at the same time; and being thrown away by a lover (perhaps the worst); and being heavily abused by a family member as a child).
8. One of my family members spent months in concentration camp inches from death. And I can't handle this? Bullshit.
9. I live in a society which is far more utilitarian than 99% of all others since the agricultural revolution
10. Committing suicide is jumping into the unknown. It may alleviate all pain. It may lead to eternal, horrible discomfort. Its a 100% blind "solution". As such, I argue that its a complicated solution. I cite Occam's Razor. I would sooner get high to fix my problems temporarily than go for a more complicated "solution", as its more simple.
11. I am all about conquering emotions. I almost unhealthfully spur on whatever the withdrawal from these fucking drugs can throw at me. I eat negative emotions for breakfast, then jack off on their mother.
These include:
1. The thought of the amount of money wasted on me if I committed suicide, not just as it relates to my family, but for society overall; as a plus I consider myself a potential beneficiary of society, which leads to...
2. I have a spiritual/humanistic duty to help lead a peaceful, love-promoting revolution in the future
3. I think people who kill themselves are simply pussies, and I'm not a pussy
4. Whenever I seriously, I mean seriously think of suicide I either start ridiculing myself or my mood changes for the better
5. I haven't tried all the drugs I want to in the doses that I want to
6. I need a son
7. I've been through worse physically and mentally, believe it or not (this includes going cold turkey from an alcohol addiction while developing a psychotic illness while leaving a liberal, suburban neighborhood for a hostile, city-like atmosphere; and having cancer; and going through opiate, tobacco, and heavy weed withdrawal at the same time; and being thrown away by a lover (perhaps the worst); and being heavily abused by a family member as a child).
8. One of my family members spent months in concentration camp inches from death. And I can't handle this? Bullshit.
9. I live in a society which is far more utilitarian than 99% of all others since the agricultural revolution
10. Committing suicide is jumping into the unknown. It may alleviate all pain. It may lead to eternal, horrible discomfort. Its a 100% blind "solution". As such, I argue that its a complicated solution. I cite Occam's Razor. I would sooner get high to fix my problems temporarily than go for a more complicated "solution", as its more simple.
11. I am all about conquering emotions. I almost unhealthfully spur on whatever the withdrawal from these fucking drugs can throw at me. I eat negative emotions for breakfast, then jack off on their mother.
