T. Calderone
Bluelight Crew
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Sounds like your mom might be right about him Meg. 
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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
Cohabiting with partner
- Thread starter megd23
- Start date
llama112
Bluelight Crew
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Wow he sounds like a jerk!!! Judging from everything I read here. He starts arguments, he doesn't help pay for bills (much), he doesn't help with chores, he doesn't appreciate you, he threatens you (going to show a video of you to the cops), he provokes you. Maybe he does like you but he's definitely taking advantage of you. It's NOT right. He seems very immature (he's a 23 year old guy, not all 23 year old guys are mature - trust me, I'm 23 
). As well, relationships should be about teamwork. Honestly, my boyfriend and I have never fought about "who pays for what" or "who does what chore". One of us simply does it. If there is something one of us hates, then the other usually does it. Like my boyfriend sweeps all the time because I hate it and he doesn't mind it.
Don't worry too much about loneliness. You seem like a great person, I am confident you'll find someone else. Sometimes it takes some time but you have a lot of time left!
). As well, relationships should be about teamwork. Honestly, my boyfriend and I have never fought about "who pays for what" or "who does what chore". One of us simply does it. If there is something one of us hates, then the other usually does it. Like my boyfriend sweeps all the time because I hate it and he doesn't mind it.Don't worry too much about loneliness. You seem like a great person, I am confident you'll find someone else. Sometimes it takes some time but you have a lot of time left!
Mariposa
Bluelight Crew
I've lived with partners in the past. The relationships didn't work out, but that was due to incompatibility, not unfair division of labor/resources. I have a wonderful boyfriend with whom I don't live. We're planning for that just before Thanksgiving this year, and when we do, rent and utilities will be 50/50. We spend a lot of time together so we routinely help each other with chores at each of our apartments. We are both happier in clean environments and we both do our part.
meg, your boyfriend is depending on you to an extent to which you're clearly not comfortable. Issues with addiction aside, it's not fair to you for you to be funding his life - crazy stepfamily or not. It's awful timing that it's his birthday, but you've got to look out for yourself. The physical issue is alarming, as is the drug abuse. Xanax can make even the nicest people really lose their inhibitions, particularly if you use other drugs along with it.
Are you prepared to live on your own emotionally?
meg, your boyfriend is depending on you to an extent to which you're clearly not comfortable. Issues with addiction aside, it's not fair to you for you to be funding his life - crazy stepfamily or not. It's awful timing that it's his birthday, but you've got to look out for yourself. The physical issue is alarming, as is the drug abuse. Xanax can make even the nicest people really lose their inhibitions, particularly if you use other drugs along with it.
Are you prepared to live on your own emotionally?
^^ I sure hope so! I was by myself for 2 months before he came in. I'll be happy bcuz I can finally have my friends over and hang out and have fun on the weekends, since my bf doesn't want anyone over here ever. In a sense I feel a relief. I packed all his stuff up and he wont leave today cuz its "his bday"... and he said I'll regret kicking him out. I doubt it.. it's all a control mind game. I'm so over it.
llama112
Bluelight Crew
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pofacedhoe
Bluelight Crew
yes, if he is making twice as much as you, won't pay his half of the bills, and expects you to do all the cleaning, you are being used.
this!
I've only lived with one boyfriend before, and that was for four years! We moved in together like a month after knowing one another, and that's basically because I had nowhere else to go. It was okay. We weren't a good match, and I ended up hating him and resenting him a lot, but we would both work, and honestly he did most of the house work. When I got pregnant I stopped working for about 4 months, and he took care of me. The issue was this guy had NO ambition or motivation, even after we had a child he still made about 700$ a month. Our rent was 550!!! Looking back I don't know how I did it so long. I eventually moved back in with my parents, got my degree, and my independence.
Now, I have moved in with another boyfriend. I'm financially independent, pay my own bills, and am in a completely different situation than I was with the first boyfriend. We waited 8 months, and the reason for him moving in with me was simply to see one another more. He is basically a SAHD, as he watches my 5 year old daughter, cleans, does clothes, etc. I teach at a low income high school 45 minutes away from where I live, which makes my work days 10 hour days.
I know myself, and I knew before he moved in that there was a great chance that I would start to resent having to go to work every day and him being able to sleep in, have no obligations (my 5 year old is one easy kid), etc.
I took the chance though, because being a teacher I get summers off. Paid summer off, and festival season is coming up and my boyfriend and I are going to Wakarusa in Arkansas. I have all this fueling me, and even if my boyfriend didn't live with me, I would still be working, it would just be harder. I love having him around, waking up to him every day... but I do get days like today, where I resent the situation.
I work at a low income school, so the stress level is extremely high. Oh, this is also my FIRST year teaching. I only have 2 more weeks of it though, and then summer will be here.
My boyfriend has a Bachelor's degree in History and is actively working on becoming certified to teach. He quit his job, moved from his hometown, and takes care of my child. We do have issues though, and at times I wish I lived alone. I feel we moved in too soon, but he's just so helpful, and I love him. I get sad thinking of not having him around, and we live together well whenever I'm happy.
When I'm not I cause arguments. I take out frustrations on him, I make so much money that saving shouldn't be an issue, but I can't save. I knew it would be hard, and it will be better when he does work, but I still get annoyed and that's something we battle with. He saves me a lot of money on daycare, and helps my mental stability by having the house clean and stuff, so he does his part. Just getting up every day while he continues to sleep, making the 80 minute (round trip) drive, etc. is annoying.
But only 2 weeks left! Then we can both be lazy for the summer!
I think both parties definitely have to give equally though. He does his part at home, and I work all day. When he gets a job I will expect things to be evenly distributed between us both at home.
Now, I have moved in with another boyfriend. I'm financially independent, pay my own bills, and am in a completely different situation than I was with the first boyfriend. We waited 8 months, and the reason for him moving in with me was simply to see one another more. He is basically a SAHD, as he watches my 5 year old daughter, cleans, does clothes, etc. I teach at a low income high school 45 minutes away from where I live, which makes my work days 10 hour days.
I know myself, and I knew before he moved in that there was a great chance that I would start to resent having to go to work every day and him being able to sleep in, have no obligations (my 5 year old is one easy kid), etc.
I took the chance though, because being a teacher I get summers off. Paid summer off, and festival season is coming up and my boyfriend and I are going to Wakarusa in Arkansas. I have all this fueling me, and even if my boyfriend didn't live with me, I would still be working, it would just be harder. I love having him around, waking up to him every day... but I do get days like today, where I resent the situation.
I work at a low income school, so the stress level is extremely high. Oh, this is also my FIRST year teaching. I only have 2 more weeks of it though, and then summer will be here.
My boyfriend has a Bachelor's degree in History and is actively working on becoming certified to teach. He quit his job, moved from his hometown, and takes care of my child. We do have issues though, and at times I wish I lived alone. I feel we moved in too soon, but he's just so helpful, and I love him. I get sad thinking of not having him around, and we live together well whenever I'm happy.
When I'm not I cause arguments. I take out frustrations on him, I make so much money that saving shouldn't be an issue, but I can't save. I knew it would be hard, and it will be better when he does work, but I still get annoyed and that's something we battle with. He saves me a lot of money on daycare, and helps my mental stability by having the house clean and stuff, so he does his part. Just getting up every day while he continues to sleep, making the 80 minute (round trip) drive, etc. is annoying.
But only 2 weeks left! Then we can both be lazy for the summer!
I think both parties definitely have to give equally though. He does his part at home, and I work all day. When he gets a job I will expect things to be evenly distributed between us both at home.
citizen cained
Bluelighter
1 piece of advice: "you do not know anyone until you have lived with them" my dad said that and never has a truer word been spoken.
Those little things which bother you "sort of" but you can ignore? They become unbearable when you are living with them. Trust me, living with each other is one of the biggest challenges you will face as a couple, it makes and breaks couples.
Those little things which bother you "sort of" but you can ignore? They become unbearable when you are living with them. Trust me, living with each other is one of the biggest challenges you will face as a couple, it makes and breaks couples.
llama112
Bluelight Crew
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That is soooo true. You learn so much more about someone when you live with them.
Sexist much? Come on now....
OP
lots of good advice here aside from velm's that is. weirdo.
but I must say, I agree with what the ladies are saying. Its an older thread but I hope you've found a solution and maybe even ditched him by now. Well, good.
But may I say that even the best of partnerships seem to be imbalanced regarding chores more often than not an though its usually the lady that does the brunt there are always exceptions but this person, your man or ex man seems to be a fairly lazy boy who is perhaps taking you for a ride. Well, if you've not already done so I really hope you do what's right and best for you and either throw him out or move along yourself and start fresh.
AS others said, women tend to do more around a house but a good man always tries to find ways to be useful and not take advantage of his lady.
and well, if yours isn't even attempting to find a balance IMO, ditch the prick.
good luck, self love, shine on
lots of good advice here aside from velm's that is. weirdo.
but I must say, I agree with what the ladies are saying. Its an older thread but I hope you've found a solution and maybe even ditched him by now. Well, good.
But may I say that even the best of partnerships seem to be imbalanced regarding chores more often than not an though its usually the lady that does the brunt there are always exceptions but this person, your man or ex man seems to be a fairly lazy boy who is perhaps taking you for a ride. Well, if you've not already done so I really hope you do what's right and best for you and either throw him out or move along yourself and start fresh.
AS others said, women tend to do more around a house but a good man always tries to find ways to be useful and not take advantage of his lady.
and well, if yours isn't even attempting to find a balance IMO, ditch the prick.
good luck, self love, shine on