Hi mate,
I've been in your boat and agree with poster above that its the psychological "symptoms" (are they given to you or created?) that suck.
I am 19 days clean today. There has been improvement, but it is slow mate. Its week on week not day on day.
You (we!) can do it. We have to.
Well done. You have done extremely well to get that far. Onwards and upwards.
I can relate I have a completely addictive personality, started with music, then onto music with weed, then... dozens of drugs later... here! Good luck to you too, you're right you
have to do it. Don't think you can now do a bit of opiates for fun and then stop again. You have come a massive way. 19 days is awesome. Keep it up.
It's the combining music with drugs that I have to separate mentally. I might sign up for CBT for this.
Last night I had 30mg Mirtazipine and some DXM (only a little in the cough medicine I have for a genuine cough), slept like a baby. Woke up early about 4.30-5am. This is normal as I get up for work usually between 5 and 5.30am. I felt comfortable. I could feel the softness of the bed, no anxiety or nothing. Had a rollup and 150mg of Lyrica, my normal GAD dose and went back to sleep.
Today I feel good. I can type normally. I can smoke without it winding me up, no back sweats after a hot bath. Even pooing normally, despite the Lope yesterday. Thinking isn't totally clear, but I have been on Mirtazipine the last few nights and a shit load of Lyrica.
Not out of the woods physically yet I bet, but now at least I can get on with the work I need to do finally.