Cocaine Cocaine is Hell

[danosaurous22]

Just wanted to talk about my experience with the drug and look for similar ones, even though it's all been said countless times. This drug is just so brutal, because once it wears off and you get rested you are basically the same and ready for more. And when you are in a binge, you just keep pushing the limits to the point of psychosis, money issues, acting sketchy and weird and just feeling miserable. I was puking all morning, thinking this must be the breaking point, but then a couple hours of sleep later I'm ready for more. I've never messed with opiates, but I at least would appreciate a high that incapacitates you rather than turn you into a lunatic compulsively dosing every 5, 10, 20 minutes, depending on the user. It hasn't wrecked my life yet, but that amazes me. It really is much harder than dealing with reality but once you get a taste it is an escape from reality that you can't escape. It had its uses early on, but if you get too accustomed to having it and have a more "difficult" mind (things to work through, a feeling that life is a game, and a curiosity towards life that leads you to experiment past where you should) it really becomes a prison. This isn't a cry for help or anything, and I'm definitely not implying that I'll try downers as a substitute, I think those would take me down faster honestly because the shame and compulsiveness with cocaine regulates me more than a numbing style of drug would I'm sure. I just wanted to get this out there, especially if anybody is considering trying the drug. No bueno, and the purer it gets the worse it gets IMO. The shit I have now is so pure that you go cuckoo for coco puffs within the first hour of the session and if you have a good amount the drug just starts doing you. Just total misery, combined with some fleeting ecstasy that you'll dream about and think about more than the best girlfriend you've ever had. Which is really saying something for most people.

 

[danosaurous22]

My dream is to get to a point where I work every minute of every day to be able to say, "I would turn down 50 kilos of the purest coke around for free, just because I know it would kill me and drive me insane". I think that kind of shift in mindset is possible, and I'd imagine a lot of recovering addicts have the mentality that they would turn down free cocaine because they did the mental work to reinforce that the drug has nothing to offer beyond misery. And the craving would still be there, I just know if I could get a mountain of coke for free at this point I would take it, it would take so much work to get to the point where I know I would turn that down. Kudos to those who have quit, it is a miserable an alienating experience especially if you're mainly around square people you have to hide it from.

 

[Biomed Tech Guy]

This drug is just so brutal, because once it wears off and you get rested you are basically the same and ready for more. And when you are in a binge, you just keep pushing the limits to the point of psychosis, money issues, acting sketchy and weird and just feeling miserable. I was puking all morning, thinking this must be the breaking point, but then a couple hours of sleep later I'm ready for more. I've never messed with opiates, but I at least would appreciate a high that incapacitates you rather than turn you into a lunatic compulsively dosing every 5, 10, 20 minutes, depending on the user.

For a significant number of years, I used a rediculous amount of coke.
Mostly freebased it.
Chasing that first rush, not wanting to come down off that stratospheric high, and especially not wanting to face the reality of the consequences of the latest binge.
Other than the mental trick of anticipation of that first blast making you gag/puke, and being worn out from a multiple days/nights binge, I never had or noticed any physical problems from it.
Especially compared to the steel bear trap of opioid and kratom alkaloids addiction.
As bad as coke was, it's not nearly as bad as physical dependency of opioids and kratom, and for me, the significant PAIN that was the original reason for taking them in the first place.
A word of hope and encouragement: I had crossed many lines behind cocaine, but once I finally stopped, I have never been compelled to do it again. I only wish that opiates/kratom alkaloids was simply a matter of the decision to stop and the Grace of God to see it through. Physical dependency is a horrible, horrible thing.

 

[danosaurous22]

Somehow I haven't encountered physical problems either. Like you said: worn out, nauseous from an overdose, but aside from that, smoking too much weed the night before work will incapacitate me far more than a two day binge countered with two hours of sleep on coke. I also remembered a Jerry Garcia quote, where he talks about people using drugs not only to keep on keeping on, but also to "keep the spirit fresh". That is the tantalizing part about coke to me, it sends me to heaven then to hell then back to earth and I do reflecting I wouldn't otherwise do. That does not justify it, as it is a losing battle and the cost of it alone will cripple me in due time if I keep relying on it to make it through life. I can't imagine a physical dependency on top of a psychological dependency, that must truly be hell. Hope you are well. I tried to make crack a week ago but thankfully I think I fucked it up. Beginner's luck.

 

[Biomed Tech Guy]

I tried to make crack a week ago

That was part of the "joy" of my "ritual"..
I was good at making up a batch, even on the concave bottom of an aluminum can, a 1/8th at a time.
I obviously had experience and confidence to dump an in the bottom of a can, add water and the other thing.
What I had trouble with is weird cuts and bad soda.
I saw $100s go to waste because of occasions when investing $1 in a fresh box was just too much trouble.

 

[pixies+]

I’d like to warn people that what I’m about to write is quite brutal for some users to read. If you’re squirmish… please stop reading now.. More of a cautionary tale than anything. Not trying to get into a pissing contest with anyone. Most of us have been through some really awful shit. Anyways. Here it goes.

My shit got so bad that I literally lost my mind for a while. But before I went “there” I had to go through some awful shit.

I was shooting up for months straight. Not exactly sure anymore how long. Once my arms became out of order… my neck was next - god fucking damn…. If you have never experienced this, I beg you not to. For real.

So I got to the point where I was compulsively shooting coke into my swollen arms. It was a complete waste and I knew this .. but I could NOT stop. My arms were so fucking swollen. My neck? The same. I had “squishy” spots on both sides.

I reached a point where I knew there was no blood flow reaching my head or my arms. Instead of breaking and calling an ambulance - my arms were going spotty.. red dots were forming quickly all over my arms and face. I was getting severely light headed. I was quickly headed for lights out. Instead of seek help… I used whatever syringes I could to poke holes in my arms to release the blood build up. I was squeezing out what blood I could into my sink. My bathroom became a fucking horror show … FAST. I did the same to my neck. You can imagine how that went.

That’s about where my memory cuts off for the most part. I don’t remember much about the rest of the story… Only that it didn’t stop there. I wouldn’t be done for quite some time after this - though I genuinely do not know how I continued.

I ended up in a drug induced psychosis.. naturally. I landed myself in the psych ward for about a month trying to recover. I came very close to dying multiple times during this period. I believe it was about 6 months. A significant run of constant every day use that just got so out of control so fucking fast.

My grip on reality was in the toilet. It was rough to say the least.

This is generally where this leads a significant amount of people. If you’ve never been to this point of abuse, consider yourself lucky and please… please seek help with your use. It leads nowhere good for most that have any form of an addictive bone in their body.

No this won’t happen to everyone. But it’s a slippery slope. A very slippery slope. I remember when I thought I was able to control my use. That’s the sickness though… that’s the trick your mind plays on you to keep you unwell.

It’s been two years? Since that stuff happened to me. It was January of 2023 when I finally ended up in the hospital… I was less than a hundred pounds. Had two pretty rough abscesses and one starting on my neck as well - no idea how i managed to escape with JUST what happened. It could’ve been so much worse.

You can consider what my story could mean for you - or not. I can’t say I would’ve listened to anyone.

I hope you get lucky… I really, really do.

Take care

 

[garygroundwork]

The only drug that I have ever had a serious daily addiction to.

 

[helpingout]

I spent about three weeks severely addicted to cocaine. I had great connects. Delivered. A couple thousand bucks. A birthday and no friends to celebrate with on earth.

No

Cocaine fucking saved me.

I had those couple thousands and a connect for high quality heroin and a raging heroin addiction with the only person holding me accountable to stop being a woman whom would leave our seven years by text message.

I decided that I’d rather play roulettte with the cocaine than to just buy a couple ounces of junk.

So I bought a quad and an eighth and then started second guessing the behavior trying to wind down. Started buying grams. One night. Girlfriend came over.

She notices I’m not sleeping at one point.
I’m kicking and twitching and tossing and turning. I’ve been concealing that I’ve spent the last two three weeks on a constant cocaine Intake.

She says to me

I know. I know about the cocaine. If you’re just going to fucking sit there convulsing why don’t you try doing a bump and see if it gets better.

Out comes the gram bag. A little bump felt about like a benzodiazapine.

It was as if every muscle in my body just relaxed. My heart calmed down. My good senses returned to me and I just felt the cranking ratchet of stress leave my immediate area.

I was at peace. From the hell of a physical dependency built up over about an ounce in two weeks to the complete obviation of any signs of the discomfort that was two minutes before incapable of being ignored.

I felt ashamed.
I felt stupid.

But I also felt free from heroin. I had made it through my birthday without spending all my money on brown. But I had spent it all on white. Paid a light price compared to what you all have paid.

But I’ll never forget the feeling of that bump. I’ve never felt such a powerful suspension of stress. Ever. Even after taking Xanax for a decade.

Xanax doesn’t even compare to the relief of a good bump when you’re so fucking stressed your hearts going to pop.

Homie I’m fucked up homie you fucked up but if god got us then we gonna be alright

 

[pixies+]

I spent about three weeks severely addicted to cocaine. I had great connects. Delivered. A couple thousand bucks. A birthday and no friends to celebrate with on earth.

No

Cocaine fucking saved me.

I had those couple thousands and a connect for high quality heroin and a raging heroin addiction with the only person holding me accountable to stop being a woman whom would leave our seven years by text message.

I decided that I’d rather play roulettte with the cocaine than to just buy a couple ounces of junk.

So I bought a quad and an eighth and then started second guessing the behavior trying to wind down. Started buying grams. One night. Girlfriend came over.

She notices I’m not sleeping at one point.
I’m kicking and twitching and tossing and turning. I’ve been concealing that I’ve spent the last two three weeks on a constant cocaine Intake.

She says to me

I know. I know about the cocaine. If you’re just going to fucking sit there convulsing why don’t you try doing a bump and see if it gets better.

Out comes the gram bag. A little bump felt about like a benzodiazapine.

It was as if every muscle in my body just relaxed. My heart calmed down. My good senses returned to me and I just felt the cranking ratchet of stress leave my immediate area.

I was at peace. From the hell of a physical dependency built up over about an ounce in two weeks to the complete obviation of any signs of the discomfort that was two minutes before incapable of being ignored.

I felt ashamed.
I felt stupid.

But I also felt free from heroin. I had made it through my birthday without spending all my money on brown. But I had spent it all on white. Paid a light price compared to what you all have paid.

But I’ll never forget the feeling of that bump. I’ve never felt such a powerful suspension of stress. Ever. Even after taking Xanax for a decade.

Xanax doesn’t even compare to the relief of a good bump when you’re so fucking stressed your hearts going to pop.

Homie you fucked up homie he fucked yo but if we fucked up then we gonna be alright

I envy your three weeks of use

Though maybe that’s not entirely true. I’ve learned a lot. Hard way to learn some very important life lessons. But hey… I’ve never chosen the easy way in my entire life. Bit of a masochist if I do say so myself.

I’m going through a pretty tough time at the moment. Feel like I’m drowning. I’ve not given into my severe cravings to shoot myself stupid with any drug I can. But I’m barely hanging in. I’ve made successful attempts at reaching out for help… I just need to keep going. I’ve never been a very good quitter
Not really funny. But if I don’t laugh.. I’ll go completely fucking bananas.

I’m proud that I haven’t given in. Very proud.

I wish you success in life @helpingout - whatever that means to you.

I’m sorry for the things that have hurt you. Love is often very chaotic. Hurt people hurt people. Communication is very difficult for many people. They feel silly trying to explain their triggers and the things that shame them.its a sad cycle many get trapped in.

I think the world would be so much better if people could just be HEARD - it’s the least we can do for people in my opinion. Just offer a safe place where people can be fucking heard without being antagonized.

 

[danosaurous22]

Anybody ever use acid to help with addiction? It was one of the only drugs that had an immediate impact on my outlook in life, that and ketamine. Acid leaned more towards mania when the dose was large enough to induce a lasting change in the way I think, but when I was deep in a rut it got me out of it. It's been a year of cocaine for me, and about half a pound up my nose looking back. I can go a week or two without it, then I get a fat bag and torture myself with it until it's gone.

 

[danosaurous22]

I will say, ketamine has scared the shit out of me more than almost any drug. And unlike coke, there is no anxiety or paranoia or worry involved with using it heavily-- you just accept that this could be your life, and it is a consistently interesting and novel experience. It cured my depression for months after a heavy binge, but had I had a bigger supply I'm sure it could've really fucked my life up. I remember a couple experiences where I was starting to come to, with no memory of who I was or where I was or what on earth I was doing, just hanging out in my house as though I were a complete stranger to humanity. I remember coming down and listening to music, unable to make any kind of sense of it and starting to freak out whether or not I was totally lost. But you come down, and remember who you are. Just an incredibly strange drug.

I'll also put this out there: how the fuck do celebrities and rich people deal with this addiction? It is bad enough to use above your means, but if you had millions of dollars you could really drive yourself insane with this shit. I think it must explain some of the stranger behavior of celebrities, or maybe because they're celebrities the strange behavior becomes trends. I just feel for them so much, that must be true torture. An unlimited supply would change your personality forever, I believe.

 

[helpingout]

I will say, ketamine has scared the shit out of me more than almost any drug. And unlike coke, there is no anxiety or paranoia or worry involved with using it heavily-- you just accept that this could be your life, and it is a consistently interesting and novel experience. It cured my depression for months after a heavy binge, but had I had a bigger supply I'm sure it could've really fucked my life up. I remember a couple experiences where I was starting to come to, with no memory of who I was or where I was or what on earth I was doing, just hanging out in my house as though I were a complete stranger to humanity. I remember coming down and listening to music, unable to make any kind of sense of it and starting to freak out whether or not I was totally lost. But you come down, and remember who you are. Just an incredibly strange drug.

I'll also put this out there: how the fuck do celebrities and rich people deal with this addiction? It is bad enough to use above your means, but if you had millions of dollars you could really drive yourself insane with this shit. I think it must explain some of the stranger behavior of celebrities, or maybe because they're celebrities the strange behavior becomes trends. I just feel for them so much, that must be true torture. An unlimited supply would change your personality forever, I believe.

I don’t really believe there’s anything like an unlimited supply of ketamine available to anyone on earth. We’re all human and all of our bladders become cystic or start shedding their lining or some terrible thing happens. Your bladder basically dissolves in the ketamine. So when I say that ketamine cannot exist as an unlimited supply, the limit to that supply is how long you have until you piss out the last of the lining of your bladder.

It happens to everyone

Eventually

 

[danosaurous22]

I was referring to coke with that comment about celebrities, it does look like I was talking about K though. 70s musicians would spend tens of thousands of dollars on cocaine to record albums allegedly.

 

[helpingout]

]

The lady from Fleetwood Mac. The witch or whatever. She claims to have spent millions on cocaine in a year

 

[helpingout]

The lady from Fleetwood Mac. The witch or whatever. She claims to have spent millions on cocaine

Stevie Nicks

 

[danosaurous22]

Your point about its healing capacity is interesting too. A bump does settle you down, if it's good quality. You just feel good and happy and relaxed and things start to make sense. It's when you push it to many lines or grams in a session that you become a paranoid miserable mess. I really wonder about the reality of cocaine use especially in high society-- for a regular person with an everyday job, you simply would fall apart if you had enough access to it. But it seems with art and entertainment, some of the biggest successes have come from people who have used in quantities unimaginable and impossible for regular people. Politics too-- how many politicians abuse this drug to just keep going and have a reason to keep existing? Lately, I feel like it must be a huge amount. It's too taboo to admit, but cocaine makes you incredibly resourceful at getting the money required to keep doing cocaine. I think it truly is a performance enhancing drug, until you cross the line and humiliate yourself or fuck up because you are getting too fucked up and cocky. But the enhancement is there. Confidence alone, especially without the inebriation that comes from other drugs, is solid gold for people who work in a way that involves masses of people. They really follow whoever is the most confident, and you can use that to your advantage provided you don't fly too close to the sun. Most people do, though.

 

[helpingout]

Your point about its healing capacity is interesting too. A bump does settle you down, if it's good quality. You just feel good and happy and relaxed and things start to make sense. It's when you push it to many lines or grams in a session that you become a paranoid miserable mess. I really wonder about the reality of cocaine use especially in high society-- for a regular person with an everyday job, you simply would fall apart if you had enough access to it. But it seems with art and entertainment, some of the biggest successes have come from people who have used in quantities unimaginable and impossible for regular people. Politics too-- how many politicians abuse this drug to just keep going and have a reason to keep existing? Lately, I feel like it must be a huge amount. It's too taboo to admit, but cocaine makes you incredibly resourceful at getting the money required to keep doing cocaine. I think it truly is a performance enhancing drug, until you cross the line and humiliate yourself or fuck up because you are getting too fucked up and cocky. But the enhancement is there. Confidence alone, especially without the inebriation that comes from other drugs, is solid gold for people who work in a way that involves masses of people. They really follow whoever is the most confident, and you can use that to your advantage provided you don't fly too close to the sun. Most people do, though.

Very very true. I absolutely love cocaine. I think it’s a wonder drug and I would love to see it sold everywhere. With a daily limit of a single gram. Let the Smurf’s handle the fucking dopers.

But my experience truly taught me about the idea of a soft drug.

My cocaine addiction was a laughable three weeks. A couple g’s. And that’s at what I consider to be the absolute height of my use. I’ve done cocaine about every new years since I was twenty years old. Got to keep that heart attack risk above thirty percent right?

Anyways what I love about cocaine is the vibe of it. I really enjoy the decadence. To my own self. Thinking about what it is. Where it came from. How privileged I am to enjoy it. The hard work of all the people who got it to me. And the supreme joy of getting to please myself with it. The candy makes a contact with my neurons and there’s just a certain electricity to my thinking that I really love.

But I never trust an idea I have on cocaine.

I think they’re all violently stupid ideas and I can’t believe anyone attempts to use cocaine to stimulate the mind. It stimulates discourse. It doesn’t stimulate rational and cogent discourse.

It is truly wonderful for a party atmosphere. For the individual.

“No one believes you when you’ve got boulders in your nose.”

That said I really learned what soft drug means taking cocaine.

The consequences were soft. My nose was absolutely fucking destroyed. Pulp and bits and shit. Raw as fuck.

But three weeks of straight cocaine really does carry a soft consequence. I had health problems like the nose thing and the psychological effect of living like that and the financial consequences of squandering the only leg up I’d had in like ten years.

Admittedly it’s nothing like the hard consequences of heroin. But it’s definitely clear that cocaine while beautiful and enjoyable on isolated occasions is definitely not the kind of thing you want to do regularly, whether like me for three weeks, or like many of you, intravenously for years, but it definitely just wears you down and makes you repeat the same behaviors eventually. Repeat the things that got you cocaine in the past.

It’s a sad drug at the end of it all. The magic really goes away with cocaine. I was scared but relieved when I ran out of the means to get more. It was finally over.

 

[Fire&Water]

The end

 

[Fire&Water]

She claims to have spent millions on cocaine in a year

Silly cunt

she sold her soul to a nanny goat

 

[hwbush336]

Yea I smoked a gram of crack the other day after two years sober and it's sucked ... In fact I threw the last bit out because I was just done tweaking lmao went and drank some methadone took a few kpins and passed out .. no interest like before when I was smoking crack and doing dope ... Idk I just don't have the crave anymore