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Cocaine - Easier to cut down or stop altogether?

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Paul_Denton

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 6, 2015
Messages
13
I haven't used coke for very long but I already think I have addiction issues. Just to be clear I only snort, I have never smoked or injected. The amount of time I'll spend thinking about the drug is ridiculous. I have coke dreams almost every night. I don't think the drug itself makes me feel that amazing but somehow I find the ritual of it extremely compulsive. And, weirdly, I always do coke alone (I don't have any friends who use it anymore).

I think there's every chance that if I continue with coke as I am it's going to have a profoundly detrimental effect on my life. Especially because I tend to use other drugs with coke to deal with the coke anxiety (Oxycodone and Xanax). Plus I suffer from depression anyway and coke certainly makes it 10x worse after a 2-3 binge I feel as depressed as I've ever felt.

I'm trying to decide whether my best bet is to just stop altogether or just try to use 'sensibly'. The consensus seems to be that monthly use is recreational and anything more isn't. If I use once a month I could just see myself counting down the days every month until I can use. It was the same with cigarettes, I tried cutting down to one cigarette a day so I could still have the 'pleasure' of smoking but in fact it was just torture - I would spend most of the day just waiting until I could have the cigarette.

I think I've probably answered my own question. I really just need to stop using this stuff altogether and never look back. Wish so much I had never tried the stuff. I think I was one of those people that was sort of hooked from my first line.
 
the hardest thing is not doing it. like. u have to face that whether u do it monthly or not. for me personally i dont think i could ever quit drugs. but i can try do it responsibly. yeah, u think about it, of course u will. decide how often youll take it and stick to it. i dont think its easy for anyone. think about it all u want, but just make sure u dont do it often. prove to urself that ur capable of being a responsible drug user.
 
Thanks Luxma, I would love to be a responsible user because I do enjoy doing coke but I think I'm just too compulsive and am probably not capable of using sensibly so I think I'm probably better off just turning my back on drugs completely. I love getting high but I love it too much and from reading Bluelight it seems there aren't so many people that can use Oxy or Coke recreationally. I'm still in the early stages of use but I don't want to see my life go down the toilet because of drugs.

Don't get me wrong, for people that can use responsibly, good for you and I'm very jealous. I just don't think I can do it. I obsess about drugs all the damn time.
 
I will add that I'm high as fuck right now and I love it. There's tonnes of healthy stuff I enjoy in life but the occasional drugs bender is so much fun. I'll miss it and I know that after a couple of weeks of virtuous living I'm going to want to indulge again. I honestly question whether I'll ever really be able to quit. One thing I'm never going to do again is stockpile drugs, coke in particular. I bought this safe with a timelock, hoping that would help me have drugs around but not use them. I can already see that it's not going to work. As soon as the cravings get bad I'll find a way to bust that thing open.

Starting to think that maybe I'm just fucked. How is it that so many people out there can be content never going near drugs but most of us on BlueLight struggle so much. What is it that's different about us?
 
hahaha stockpiling drugs is definitely never a good idea i agree.... and its almost guaranteed if i drink i will end up doing drugs! so i have to put harm reduction measures in place for myself. i don't think i'll ever quit, so im starting to think i just wont ever have kids, that's the only reason i would quit. i think it's like a pandoras box, once you start its difficult to stop. most people are too scared to even try.
 
Hey Luxma,

Yeah, not planning on having kids either.

Stockpiling coke is the worst plan ever. Never doing that again. I do love drugs though so I'm going to see if I can use a bit more responsibly than I have been.
 
hey, thats been the struggle since day one haha. but i think its an important one. because the day you give up trying to use responsibly is probably the day u become an addict. thats what i tell myself anyway. that its hard, but it's part of what i need to do to maintain some semblance of a functioning life haha. unfortunately ive found lately that the ground rules i originally laid myself when i first started using have become more and more relaxed. so i'm not sure what to do about that. and the more u use, the more u find urself surrounded by ppl with similar usage, so it becomes normalized.
 
Thanks for sharing your story. You said you think you might have addiction issues and you have supported this by identifying some negative consequences to your drug use... The amount of time you spend thinking/ dreaming about cocaine; using on your own; drug related anxiety and depression.

As you stated yourself, you think you may be at the early stages of cocaine use or was that a Freudian slip for the early stages of your addiction. It very much sounds like your are in the 'contemplation' stage in the cycle of change where you are aware of problems associated with your behaviour and your exploring the potential to change.

It might be interesting to do a list with the advantages and disadvantages for continue to use cocaine versus giving up. Unfortunately, I don't think an addict can ever use drugs sensibly or recreationally.

I guess what you need to decide is whether you can sustain your current use and not allow it to progress and cause greater destruction to your life, as well as the lives your family, partner, and friends. This is very difficult as addiction is often a chronic and progressive disease, and being able to control your drug use is practically impossible if you are an addict.

If you indeed are in the early stages of addiction, doing something about it earlier rather than later is key as it gets harder once addiction progresses. By this time the damage may already be done... Health, employment, criminal convictions, relationships may all suffer, however, it sometime takes an addict to reach rock bottom before the final decision to change becomes manifest.

I'm not writing that to try and scare you or put you off but you are truly lucky if you are in a position to stop and change your behaviour before it reaches the point were the damage is already done. It becomes a lot more difficult and you have few reasons to stop when your health is damaged, you have criminal convictions - making it hard to get a job, you've lost loved ones because they don't trust you, as well as financial problems and mental health issues.

Don't get me wrong, I completely support individuals' freedom of choice and recreational drug use... But that is not possible for everyone and this is from personal experience. Just a few things to think about....

From a caring addict trying to put the pieces back together.

Stay strong.
 
Thank you very much ElvisWearsNikes and P.o.T.u.S.

I definitely already have addiction issues, I just haven't been using that long so I still have hope that I'll be able to stop before, as you say, it gets much harder.

EWN - your post really resonated with me. I already sort of know I won't be able to use sensibly. I also know that coke is really, really bad for depression issues I have. I enjoy doing it a lot but that's not a good enough reason to continue. I suppose the one thing I have going is that nobody in my social circle uses it and so once I turn my back on coke, I won't be around it unless I actively seek it out.

I'm going to stop but am a bit scared of the cravings. I got them intensely when I went abroad for a few months (I only came back last week) and was living in a country where I had zero access to drugs.

Edit: I hope it's clear from my posts that I don't think I'm in control, I don't have the mentality of, 'It's not going to happen to me.' Quite the opposite which is why I'm worried. The only thing I've quit before is smoking and that took me a few tries. I'm also asking myself why so many of us here on BL are so drawn to drugs. I feel like maybe it's a rejection of reality, of the world out there. Some people seem to fit into their particular role in life so easily and are comfortable in their own skin. But many of us are not. The only time I'm ever able to truly feel relaxed is when I'm using drugs (coke + oxy - the coke alone isn't relaxing). I guess I probably have some issues I need to work through
 
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U need to make your sober life something your proud of..I use drugs because I'm so sensitive and I "feel' too much..just going thru normal life is a roller coaster and numbing out all my emotions makes me able to function better..I'm not depressed I would say I'm very apathetic and don't want to be in the rat race..opiates gave me motivation for a while and it was great but drugs will turn on u eventually..only a matter of time

i wish u the best of luck in your journey for sobriety..don't let the bumps in the road get u down..wish I had more tips but as I sit here stuck in my own mess I can't help but empathize with u Because I know the daily battle that is addiction
 
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Paul_Denton said:
Edit: I hope it's clear from my posts that I don't think I'm in control, I don't have the mentality of, 'It's not going to happen to me.' Quite the opposite which is why I'm worried. The only thing I've quit before is smoking and that took me a few tries. I'm also asking myself why so many of us here on BL are so drawn to drugs. I feel like maybe it's a rejection of reality, of the world out there. Some people seem to fit into their particular role in life so easily and are comfortable in their own skin. But many of us are not. The only time I'm ever able to truly feel relaxed is when I'm using drugs (coke + oxy - the coke alone isn't relaxing). I guess I probably have some issues I need to work through
Click to expand...

You seem like you have good insight and I just wanted to give some wholehearted advice I wish I had heard a good few years ago.

I didn't want to sound patronising and I genuinely could relate. If you are worried reach out to someone and get some help. Before you fast-forward and things get worse.

Peace.
 
Thank you Elvis and Potus.

Potus I'm very sorry that you're struggling. I know exactly what you mean about the rat race. I think in part that's a motivation for me to use drugs, just a rejection of normal society, Of course the only thing I can achieve by that is self destruction.

Thanks Elvis, you didn't sound patronising at all. I would love to be able to talk candidly with a friend about this but they are so strait-laced I'm sure they would just judge me. My girlfriend will be extremely supportive if I tell her I'm fighting cravings. But she said clearly that if I used again she would have to reconsider the relationship, so I'm not at all comfortable in admitting relapses, if they occur.
 
man definitely stop it altogether. you're right cocaine doesn't make you feel awesome, just makes you compulsive and obsessed with it. that's the nature of it. it doesn't add anything to your life, it is just a reinforcing behavior. the more you use the more your life becomes like one big coke binge.

i don't know how long has your run with blow been but if it's not a long one i can say with certainty that it's overcomeable. i had a ~6 month long stunt with it and at the end all i thinked and talked about was cocaine. a few months after my last use i was getting a few dreams about it, and imagining my thumb pulling the plunger and registering would send me chills of euphoria (scary shit), but even that now is completely gone. no scars left now.

honestly distracting yourself is the best way of dealing with cravings. working out is the first and most effective one that comes to mind because it silences the mind while still requiring focus (unlike reading, drawing, etc... during which the mind can easily wander off). plus getting healthy and ripped, and may be even a new hobby. it probably will suck at first if you're used to mindless and easy fun of drugs but it does get better.

one last thing, you don't have to view it like "stopping forever". do it one day at a time: each time you crave, ONLY focus on the present moment. "i just need to be sober RIGHT NOW". don't give in. the thought of never doing it again might feel like an unncessary burden that will make it look harder than it is. you just have to be sober right now. remember this every time and you're golden. personally i don't think i'll never do cocaine again for the rest of my life, still, i don't have any plans on doing it any soon.

good luck
 
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