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Cocaine Addiction :(

T

Trappistone

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 27, 2022
Messages
4
Hello,

This is my first time writing on a forum. As well as truly talking about my impending relationship with cocaine. I’m not comfortable to talk about this with anyone in my life, which is why I am here. I’m hoping through this discussion I can gain some useful insight, advice, and personal experiences from you guys. I need help.

Some background info: I am a 26 y/o female living in Amsterdam (biiig party city). I live alone and work full-time.

I recognize I have an addiction to cocaine. I used to partake in it on rare occasions, at a bday party or festival or something. But since I joined my new job, I have popped off. My colleagues and I party weekly and ever since August, there isn’t a night we go out without snow. But, it has creeped into my own personal life. I do it alone often. At home, when I’m out, running errands, even at work. Doing it at work really makes me feel terrible. But I depend on it, to get me through.

I’m not gonna lie, I’ve done snow everyday for the last 2 weeks. Since September, I’ve been doing it about 5x a week average. Shit I’m on it right now. It has evolved from a fun occasional thing, to what gets me out of bed and functioning. I fucking hate this. I want to cold turkey stop from Nov 1st, but I’m scared I will cave to the cravings like I normally do.

I think it’s worth noting I have ADHD and used to be prescribed to adderall when I lived in America. Snow feels like my adderall. I’m sure that has something to do with why I’ve gotten so hooked.

But I’m concerned. For my health, my fucking bank account, getting caught at work, & my future. I want to stop needing it.

Can anyone help me plz :(

Thank you for reading & taking this time to hear me out either way! It feels good to let the truth out.
 
Hello and welcome to bluelight.

Cocaine addiction is very hard to beat. I think talking about your problem and getting some support is going to be your best bet.

I've had times with cocaine where I could see that I needed to be careful and I was able to keep from getting addicted. Seeing other people who were addicted to cocaine helped me to avoid overuse in the past too.
 
Welcome to BL.

If there is any silver lining here it sounds like the addiction is not too far progressed and you're also very aware of the problem at an early stage. This is good, and you will defeat this!

Have you ever had problems with addiction before? The key here is to create a support system and to find a healthy behavioral substitute. It's great you are reaching out for help, and everyone here can relate to addiction.

Gonna move this over to the recovery forum where you might get some better answers.

DC -> H&R
 
Hi and welcome to BL.
Snafu in the Void said:
If there is any silver lining here it sounds like the addiction is not too far progressed and you're also very aware of the problem at an early stage.
Click to expand...
Great perspective. imo
Finding something to distract you when that monkey comes knocking is helpfull in my experience. I chose yardwork, house upgrades (these no longer apply atm) or simply coming to bluelight to get a few laughs, try to help another, offer an opinion on a certain subject etc helped a lot as well. Its was the distraction even if for a few minutes that helped because even though cocaine may be addictive it wont drive ya mad if ya dont have it.
Also...
Trappistone said:
But I’m concerned. For my health, my fucking bank account
Click to expand...
This had a lot to do with controlling my usage of many drugs. Even to this day. Being selfish while watching my loved ones suffer for it financially kinda hit me pretty hard and helped a lot in my "recovery" and health.
I am not completely free of addiction but can say that I now have control of what and when I use if I choose to "take a break" from "reality".
Distractions. My best suggestion it works not just for me but seems others have found them helpful.
Got any hobbies?
Best of luck with this it could be a lot worse and will if not brought under control.
<3
 
Trappistone said:
Hello,

This is my first time writing on a forum. As well as truly talking about my impending relationship with cocaine. I’m not comfortable to talk about this with anyone in my life, which is why I am here. I’m hoping through this discussion I can gain some useful insight, advice, and personal experiences from you guys. I need help.

Some background info: I am a 26 y/o female living in Amsterdam (biiig party city). I live alone and work full-time.

I recognize I have an addiction to cocaine. I used to partake in it on rare occasions, at a bday party or festival or something. But since I joined my new job, I have popped off. My colleagues and I party weekly and ever since August, there isn’t a night we go out without snow. But, it has creeped into my own personal life. I do it alone often. At home, when I’m out, running errands, even at work. Doing it at work really makes me feel terrible. But I depend on it, to get me through.

I’m not gonna lie, I’ve done snow everyday for the last 2 weeks. Since September, I’ve been doing it about 5x a week average. Shit I’m on it right now. It has evolved from a fun occasional thing, to what gets me out of bed and functioning. I fucking hate this. I want to cold turkey stop from Nov 1st, but I’m scared I will cave to the cravings like I normally do.

I think it’s worth noting I have ADHD and used to be prescribed to adderall when I lived in America. Snow feels like my adderall. I’m sure that has something to do with why I’ve gotten so hooked.

But I’m concerned. For my health, my fucking bank account, getting caught at work, & my future. I want to stop needing it.

Can anyone help me plz :(

Thank you for reading & taking this time to hear me out either way! It feels good to let the truth out.
Click to expand...
Hey, what have you tried to get clean? Is that a desire you have at the moment or no?
 
VerbalTruist said:
Hey, what have you tried to get clean? Is that a desire you have at the moment or no?
Click to expand...

Snafu in the Void said:
Welcome to BL.

If there is any silver lining here it sounds like the addiction is not too far progressed and you're also very aware of the problem at an early stage. This is good, and you will defeat this!

Have you ever had problems with addiction before? The key here is to create a support system and to find a healthy behavioral substitute. It's great you are reaching out for help, and everyone here can relate to addiction.

Gonna move this over to the recovery forum where you might get some better answers.

DC -> H&R
Click to expand...
Thank you so so much for your response and point of view.

I feel some relief that I recognize this issue finally, but am still acting out of my irresponsible impulses.

This is my first time dealing with addiction. I stopped using Adderall when I graduated from university. I wanted to live and function my life, not on prescribed drugs. It took me a little while to acclimate, but overall I think I adjusted pretty quickly. This feels different. When I don't have cocaine I feel anxious and all I can think about is getting my hands on it. Since Nov 1, I've still been using it pretty much every day. I feel terribly guilty and ashamed and my nose is starting to concern me, but I just can't stop. I rather waste hundreds of euros and ruin my nose than take care of myself by stopping. When I do get it, I feel so much immense joy and relief. I've never felt this way about ANYTHING before and I feel as though I'm in the dark,
 
simstim said:
Hello and welcome to bluelight.

Cocaine addiction is very hard to beat. I think talking about your problem and getting some support is going to be your best bet.

I've had times with cocaine where I could see that I needed to be careful and I was able to keep from getting addicted. Seeing other people who were addicted to cocaine helped me to avoid overuse in the past too.
Click to expand...
Thank you for responding, I truly appreciate it a lot! I really want to talk more about this and get help in person, but it feels so hard. I have too much damn pride. I feel so embarrassed to be in this position, I never thought I was capable of this... It feels so relieving though to be on this forum and hear from you guys. I want to listen to your advice and take these next steps of getting help, but this other side of me just stops any production.
 
Just want to put another voice down for finding some people that you can talk to honestly about the issues you are having. Addiction is an extremely complicated beast and there are no right answers as to how to deal with it. Everyone is different and what works for one person does not necessarily work for another.

Without wanting to get too heavy, one theme that is common is that people often find that stopping using drugs is much easier than staying off them. It is worth starting the process of asking yourself why you use cocaine, what you get from it, and how you are going to fill that void when it is gone. Without an understanding of this and taking steps to make changes to yourself and your thoughts/behaviours then surely you will return. You can’t stay the same person that turned to using cocaine regularly and hope to not do it again.
 
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