Closet user who's glad I found this forum!

[msles]

Hey guys! Nice to meet you all. I just found this page while I was trying to find out if I was dying on Google 8) glad I did! Not only did I find a great place for advice, this is full of some comedy gold (in the nicest way possible)
Long time user of alcohol, weed and coke...After moving into a new place last March, we found out there was a dealer 2 doors down. My husband and I have both become "friends" with him and his girlfriend. When my husband is out of town, I go hang out with them and smoke crystal. We use coke together. I had 2 6-month periods when I was younger using meth but was able to stop cold Turkey before. I told hubby I had done it with them once when they were out of coke... but he doesn't know I have still been doing 2-3? per month. I feel like the biggest piece of shit wife for lying to him. I can stop myself most of the time, but once I start drinking, there is no self control. I am getting AWFUL anxiety during the comedown, and have called 911/gone to the hospital 3 times since October. Overall, I am a pretty healthy person, following a low carb diet, going to the gym, drinking lots of water, and from all outward appearances, a normal housewife. I hate this dirty little secret. Any tips on how to grow some lady balls and kick this nasty habit? Thanks
Also... how do I add a pic? I don't understand what to do lol

 

[cosmic charlie]

Welcome to Bluelight

Stopping drug use is a difficult thing and never something I've been successful at unless I'm in jail. Hiding stuff from your partner is common, if i told my girlfriend about half the amount of drugs i use she would lose it.

I'm just trying to better myself everyday, quit using opiates for the New Year. We have a Sober Living forum here that you should check out. I'll see you around the board okay, have a nice day.

LVe & Lite

 

[Jabberwocky]

Greetings

In regards to growing lady balls (haha) it's a battle where you'll need to change your thought pattern. Think of your husband. Think of your health. Think of your finances (if you're paying). All of these things could easily be lost by you, and for what? A couple hours of feeling better than baseline? I value baseline - we think most level-headedly here. Think of that comedown, too.

In regards to adding an avatar, I think you need to be a "Bluelighter" (as opposed to "greenlighter") by having 50 or more posts.

And yes, please check out The Dark Side and Sober Living


Enjoy yourself here, and be safe.

Peace.

 

[interstate]

Hey, welcome! I'm new here, too. I used to use coke during another relationship and never told her, so I know that shitty feeling. I actually went to anonymous 12-step programs, which you can even do online, and it got me away from the coke (if only because I had to listen to so many people with fucked up lives that it turned me off from it). When my head cleared up I also realized I was in a pretty bad relationship, and I got out. Now I'm in the best relationship of my life, and I still use, but I have an unbreakable rule that I can only use prescription drugs and honestly I feel way better about it. I see a doctor every few months for refills and I get a few supplemental things if I run out. I still get to enjoy myself a little extra some nights, and I don't suffer from hard comedowns like the street stuff causes. That super shitty feeling is gone too. All in all it's a much cheaper and better life in my opinion. Basically, I'm not trying to convince you to stop using everything, but you might want to seek a little help so you can step away from the hard stuff and get your head clear about your relationship. You could also consider getting on an anti-depressant that helps with anxiety, too. I'd just be careful about taking xanax or anything that lowers inhibitions, at least until you're far enough away from coke not to slip up when you take your anti-anxiety meds (if you even need them). I really wish you the best of luck. It sounds like you're in a tough place in your life but it can get better if you make it better.

 

[msles]

You could also consider getting on an anti-depressant that helps with anxiety, too. I'd just be careful about taking xanax or anything that lowers inhibitions, at least until you're far enough away from coke not to slip up when you take your anti-anxiety meds (if you even need them).

Thanks for the reply. I am on 37.5mg Effexor XR, and have clonazepam and Ativan as needed. The only time I ever use the benzos is during a comedown. My heart feels like it's going to jump out of my chest and throw itself into traffic. There have been a few times I was absolutely convinced I was dying. The negatives are definitely outwaying the positives now. I

 

[interstate]

Thanks for the reply. I am on 37.5mg Effexor XR, and have clonazepam and Ativan as needed. The only time I ever use the benzos is during a comedown. My heart feels like it's going to jump out of my chest and throw itself into traffic. There have been a few times I was absolutely convinced I was dying. The negatives are definitely outwaying the positives now. I

I was addicted to cocaine and crack my first year in college (great, right?) and I've had those feelings too. It may be time to try something new. I bet you could have a hell of a lot more fun with other, softer, substances if you could pull away from the cocaine. Unfortunately the abuse might be too strongly tied to your relationship. This may be an "all or nothing" scenario, where you need to drop everything, even the relationship, and get away from the situation. I wish you the best!

 

[M0NSTER]

Welcome! Different stratgedies work for different people and I suggest posting in another section of the forums or search around for good advice. You're not alone. I recommend you do research before this but have you considered benzos (ie kpins, valium) for the Tina comedown? Could help with anxiety and sleep if you're on a run for a couple days, and is usually easily prescribed by a doc. Welcome to bluelight again.