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Clicking

cherub

cherub

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 24, 2000
Messages
4,042
Location
Mountian Child
Today it seems it is all clicking,,

not clicking in place or maybe it is
the confusion is to much lately
it is all clicking out of place

I keep trying, but i only falling down that hole
tears finally came today I am near the end ?

you start to wonder if it is paronia or something else
the meds still have not kicked in
when?? when will they work?

I notice the shaking is worse
my mind racing faster everyday


Reading one thing over and over again
seems like i know this story
thought i was over that story but yet
Reading it , i start puking over and over
the tears come
the shakes starts stronger

my heart is pounding
I start to get pains
I know what they are, at least i think
aniexty ????
but sometimes I wish it was my heart giving out
then i would not have to worry anymore

I can't stand it
People only annoy me
friends only seem to not notice
I can't blame them can you

Looking in the mirror at the mess i am in
Looking in the mirror only is a reminder
of............


turning away
feeling the stabbing pains
never knew phsysically i could ache so much
doesn't seem to end

trapped here, sometimes i wish .....

disappearing would be to much to ask for

I try and say, it is paranoia
try and say it is not really as bad as it seems
weighing out the facts and figures
that is what i am suppose to do right ?

but it is not the facts and figures keep adding up the same
my mind is racing as much as my heart
but it is still clear enough to see
I can't find an end
 
A very powerful and moving piece of writing - my heart goes out to you and if there was anything I can do to take your pain and confusion I would.

Hang in there babe, this cloud of uncertainty and confusion will end soon. :)

{{{cherub}}}
 
Is this the culmination of a bad period of time that's threatening to drive you mad?

Or a release from a string of recent bad moments that's threatening to drive you mad?

Whichever it is, and for whatever reasons Cin, we are both familiar with the roller coaster of emotions that goes around and around all through life. And you know what, the shit never does end. Life is good life is bad life is predictable life is ridiculous ... fuck all sweetheart.

Don't tell me that you of ALL PEOPLE are doubting your ability to handle this world. All the strength and love and intelligence is right there in your eyes; so this headlock that you have on yourself is coming from where??? Please don't let it be fear girl, and screw uncertainty because you can thrive on that rather than break under it. I've seen you do it before. Your capacity for joy deserves much more of your attention than anything that hurts you like this. The physical and the mental and the emotional will never be in perfect balance because then we'd be stuck, and neither you nor I have ever been good at standing still for long. Love should be the most constant I think, the rest I'll continue to face as it comes.

At least if your soul has to ache you still express it so well - missing you.
 
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