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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Cleantime/Sobriety Countdown

Its been a day so far. I want to be clean.

Funny thing is, when I'm high, or scrambling for a way to get high, I'm always thinking "soon it'll all be OK." (unless I can't score and then its all anger) I'm afraid of dealing with my life and facing my issues. That's why I get high, really. I like to party and all that, but getting high has always been a secretive, hidden part of my life, and a way of trying to trick myself and the world. The world ain't never been stupid, and I'm starting to get tired of this charade.

Any time I put down some serious thinking about getting clean, I'm amazed at the time and resouces I've squandered all these years. Getting high has been compromising my life goals ever since I started doing it. I'm sort-of "functional" but shit's been getting worse.

At this moment the realization that I'm not willing to pay this cost is certainly strong and I really hope I don't fuck this up. (i credit this to my girl, since I normally don't take serious notice unless something is alredy FUBAR) I don't have a specific addiction to a specific substance (currently I'm having problems with speed and marijuana but I've switched to other things in the past - alcohol, even daily nutmeg :S )

Don't bullshit yourselves, and stay active. Good luck to everybody, myself included.
 
totach said:
bin clean since my last post on 4/20 i really hope i stay clean that would be a great anniversary date : )
Click to expand...

Hey totach. Good for you. No one else has commented but a day is LONG. And to keep doing it again & again is something. So good for you. If I could give my .02 I'd like to say OWN that anniversary date, you don't "hope" for it, you ARE it
 
ill.literate said:
Its been a day so far. I want to be clean.

but getting high has always been a secretive, hidden part of my life, and a way of trying to trick myself and the world. The world ain't never been stupid, and I'm starting to get tired of this charade.

Any time I put down some serious thinking about getting clean, I'm amazed at the time and resouces I've squandered all these years. Getting high has been compromising my life goals ever since I started doing it. I'm sort-of "functional" but shit's been getting worse.

At this moment the realization that I'm not willing to pay this cost is certainly strong and I really hope I don't fuck this up. I don't have a specific addiction to a specific substance

Don't bullshit yourselves, and stay active. Good luck to everybody, myself included.
Click to expand...

What I quoted I pretty much could have written. The way the days and years are passing these days, it's so clear that this life ISN'T a dress rehearsal.. shit's been getting worse is right. So many choices. Unfortunately, the choice to be sober needs to be made 1000x in one day. Just to get up and do it all over again. All while sortof feeling like you're missing a hand. But doing it because you know there are no more compromises, no more "kiss offs"...

What you say about "stay active" is THE key.
Caraveti, caraveti: move on, move on..
Put it on the back burner
Keep putting it on the back burner...
 
I have been clean for 3 days. I took a teeny bit of suboxone 3 days ago. I actually scraped the pen tube, I used for snorting my suboxone and I scraped the suboxone bottle. Mixed it with water and plugged the solution. I didn't really feel anything. I feel kind of shitty right now but nothing compared to full blown withdrawals. Had some RLS last night but than fell asleep and I slept for a good 10 hours, not the most comfortable of sleep. When I wake up feeling kind of shitty I have no motivation to get out of bed, so I try to sleep for as long as I can. I'm glad I'm finally not taking any opiates, execpt for some immodioum for the runs and ibuprophen for the aches and nuerontin at night for sleep.

I think I'm going to slip up pretty soon, because my friend gets his oxy script in a week and he hooks me up with about 20-40 20mg oc's a month. They don't last me long though so I don't think i'm going to make a habit out of it.
 
mami said:
Hey totach. Good for you. No one else has commented but a day is LONG. And to keep doing it again & again is something. So good for you. If I could give my .02 I'd like to say OWN that anniversary date, you don't "hope" for it, you ARE it
Click to expand...

thank you 2day is allready day 7 : ) no more subs tho : (
 
Clean from opiates for 2 months. Got to quit drinking now though and that's been a bit tough, but, I'm still pretty proud of myself for kicking a three year long daily opiate habit.
 
Damn! A lot of folks kickin' ass kickin' shit! After I eat I'm gonna count them all up. BLers got some courage and fortitude!
 
looks like about 60 folks quit or are in the process of quitting. Which reminds me... whatever happened to the monthly sober/cut-down-on-intake threads? Those were awesome!
 
Over a month clean from opiates, getting close[r] to 2 weeks clean from benzos.

I have had no energy at all for the past 2 weeks, watching way to much tv, not eating right, blowing off school work, rebound anxiety, etc. It is not to bad just gets dull after awhile. I am getting like a anxious feeling in my legs/back where it feels like a ball of energy is spinning and wants to be released. I mainly chalk it up to the benzos as this is how I kinda felt for all last year when I kicked a lengthy benzo habit, I despise that feeling with all my being makes me feel so worthless. This is getting into uncharted territory for being off opiates though. I have to tell myself this is normal. I was on bupe for the last 8 yrs, during those first few years was still using dope and prior was on the needle for a LONG time. First time I tried to get clean was on methadone was when I was 18-20yrs old 19-21yrs old? Honestly don't even remember. My brain just hasnt been working smoothly lately.

Had a oral spanish quiz today, completely blanked out. This is definetly minor benzo w/d + not eating enough/correctly. The first 3 weeks I was off opiates was fucking great, exercising, eating right [its been a long time since I was eating like that] felt good but than I had to stop the benzos which I was only taking for a short period [45 days?] but like I said above I kicked a 8 yr klonopin/ativan/xanax/what-have-you habit last year and it took a good year to start to feel better. This is NOTHING compared to that but it has twinges of the same feelings. Honestly I forget that I have stopped taking opiates [I dont even think about them] but benzos definitely pop into my head when I feel like this.

Thursday will be 2 weeks off them and I have noticed a huge improvement from a week ago and things will only get better. I just have to stop being so lazy and just do something. Things could be sooo much worse. I have to be thankful for where I am as I am right where I need to be but of course that is not good enough I always want to be living 3 days from now. Whatever.

rambling

peace.
seedless
 
12 hours clean, getting off a bad month of Oxy use. How did I do it? My dealer got busted just recently. Such a nice connect too, closed by, always on hand.

I don't know if I should happy or sad because if I went and pick up my normal supply I would of end up at his house when it went down.

Someone with greater power doesn't want me to be on drugs me thinks.

Oh BL, how I going to miss you.

A part of me wants to ever go back to Oxy. I really hope this time the last. I'm so sick of the never ending cycle of abusing and withdrawing, only to abuse again.
 
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10 days of no crack now - - feeling really good. Threw out my accessories and blocked my two dealers numbers from my cell phone so they cannot call and tempt me
 
Been off meth for about 2 weeks, I think. Can't remember exactly.

Feeling pretty good about that - I'm now over the worst of the withdrawals.
 
Had over almost 21 months in January, and then had a relapse that lasted until first week of March. Have been off IV heroin now since March 5, 2010, and couldn't be doing better at the moment.
 
ive been drug free since may 5. ive had cravings and stuff, not for anything in particular, i just want to DO DRUGS, you know? speed sounds really appealing (amps not meth). but every time i think about actually going through with it, i think about how i could spend the money and time with my man instead. and that makes me cry. hes devoted to me, has been for years. when i think of drugs, i try to remind myself of him...of course it doesnt take away the craving, but im even more into him than i am into drugs, so it kind of replaces the craving. i guess it helps when youre staying clean to have something else to focus on and be attached to
 
I was clean for a good from 3 months from booze and cigarettes and well loneliness made me revisit my past.

Since my relapse and having gained a better understanding of my self I can see that alcohol trully ruined some good things in my life and if I as a person wish to accomplish my goals then alcohol needs to quit. I find when I don't drink I am more in tune with academia and other stuff but when I drink it feels as if it's another thing that has jumped on my back just like how my depression has. I have dropped all of the bad people in my life now and it's been some months since i've last seen of these people. All in all I think I acknowledge now that it is time to move onto a new path in life. One which is more cleaner and happier rather then confusing and down.
 
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