Clean and Sober 2 years off Methamphetamine.. but still think about it..

[Draven26]

I didn't know where to post this so mods if you want to move it elsewhere you gladly can! So I've been clean and sober off Methamphetamine for 2 years now but I still think about it almost on a daily basis and it's the only thing that's fucking up my marriage. I love my wife to death and I hate to say this but I feel that if I wasn't with her right now I'd probably still be using. Why? Basically I love the energy that it gives me. Some of my greatest songs I've written was when I was under the influence of Meth. It just expands my mind and puts me in the greatest of ease! I love the euphoria as well don't get me wrong.. that's a bonus for me. But I mainly used it because of the energy/focus/drive it gave me. I've had amazing workouts on it and I know it's terrible to work out on Meth because of the damage it does to your heart but my mind just doesn't give a shit or at least I didn't when I was using.

I absolutely love Meth even after two years being clean.. I was just wondering if I will ever be able to move on or if I'm just fucked for all eternity? I've gone to seek help and I have to say therapy might work for some people but for me it's a complete waste of time! All they want to do is prescribe me anti-depressants and all that shit did was fuck me up even more! To me Meth feels way safer than being on an anti-depressant.. that's just me though! Anti-depressants MAKE me depressed and suicidal and they lower my testosterone levels so WTF? Anyways.. enough ranting. Just thought I'd post this and see if I can get any feedback. I've got no one else to talk to so.. just figured I'd post this and see what people would say! I wish something like coffee or ephedrine or any kind of over the counter stimulant would help with energy but frankly all that shit is weak sauce.. nothing compared to Meth. And I'm not trying to compare anything else to Meth because I know nothing else could ever compare! But.. what's a guy to do?

 

[T. Calderone]

I've never done meth, but I was on crack for a couple years on and off. I don't miss it that much because it turned me into a fiend and I blew a lot of money while using. But I still sometimes have dreams about it and that sets the stage for cravings. Two years is great, I think it's normal to still find yourself wanting to use. I agree with you on doctors- the ones I've opened up to just don't get it and all they can offer are antidepressants. And suggestions for therapy and NA meetings.

I think this thread might fit better in Sober Living, if you don't mind me moving it there. Wish you the best!

 

[Draven26]

I've never done meth, but I was on crack for a couple years on and off. I don't miss it that much because it turned me into a fiend and I blew a lot of money while using. But I still sometimes have dreams about it and that sets the stage for cravings. Two years is great, I think it's normal to still find yourself wanting to use. I agree with you on doctors- the ones I've opened up to just don't get it and all they can offer are antidepressants. And suggestions for therapy and NA meetings.

I think this thread might fit better in Sober Living, if you don't mind me moving it there. Wish you the best!

Yeah of course you can definitely move it in Sober Living.. thank you! Yeah I'll just keep doing my best to doing what I have been doing. Working out, work, running errands and spending more time with my wife being in a better mood and trying not to ruin my marriage but speaking about it all the time. It's difficult only because I feel it made some things easier in my life even though I know it's terrible for you and your health.. I just wish it wasn't so damn addicting or always on my mind still you know?

 

[ilovejames08]

I used to be addicted to meth. I have 3 years clean and never think about it. There are 2 contributing factors, neither of which may work for you, but here goes, along with one suggestion.
One- i smoked it normally. I was focused, energetic, and had an extreme love affair withit i thought id never give up. One day, i used ice btw, i smoked like i always did. The amount i always did. I overdosed. My vision kept blacking out, my hearted was beating outside my chest and im not exaggerating, ive done a fair share of coke and meth, i understand heart rate increases. This was way different. I had massive head pressure and kept falling over. I prayed and called 911 on myself as my life flashed before me. Suddenly thru prayer, it all went away. I believe i suffered brain damage because i continued to have severe panic attacks for 6 mos.
Two- i have a severe passion for Jesus and surrendering to Him helps me. Even if i wanted to, id be scared id die.
But, for people who have increased focus on meth, are normally those with ADD. If you get could an amphetamine script, you may get the desired effects for your lifestyle.

 

[BlueSaffron]

Same thing happened to me with coke. Everything was fine, then one day i did my usual amount and overdosed. Same batch id been doing, same longtime dealer. After that, i cant have stims of any kind, not even caffeine. A stim OD is an awful way to go.

As for your cravings, id guess (and its just a guess, cos i dont know you) that you have dissatisfaction in your life somewhere? Hence the craving meth to feel better. Id try to find something youre passionate about, to take the place of your thoughts of meth.

Good luck.

 

[Draven26]

I used to be addicted to meth. I have 3 years clean and never think about it. There are 2 contributing factors, neither of which may work for you, but here goes, along with one suggestion.
One- i smoked it normally. I was focused, energetic, and had an extreme love affair withit i thought id never give up. One day, i used ice btw, i smoked like i always did. The amount i always did. I overdosed. My vision kept blacking out, my hearted was beating outside my chest and im not exaggerating, ive done a fair share of coke and meth, i understand heart rate increases. This was way different. I had massive head pressure and kept falling over. I prayed and called 911 on myself as my life flashed before me. Suddenly thru prayer, it all went away. I believe i suffered brain damage because i continued to have severe panic attacks for 6 mos.
Two- i have a severe passion for Jesus and surrendering to Him helps me. Even if i wanted to, id be scared id die.
But, for people who have increased focus on meth, are normally those with ADD. If you get could an amphetamine script, you may get the desired effects for your lifestyle.

Sorry to hear about what happened to you! Doesn't sound pleasant at all! I've smoked meth, snorted ( regular and hot rails ), taken it orally with redbull lol but my favorite was intravenously. I loved getting that rush and tasting the Meth on the tip of my tongue after an injection.. it was simply amazing. I've gone as far as slamming 50 bucks in one arm and 50 bucks in the other and it was pure stuff so I blacked out for 10 minutes. I woke up after those ten minutes and I was higher than I'd ever been. You'd think I'd learn from that but I kept using till one day I just got sick and tired of it because of guilt. Don't get me wrong.. I feel guilty even thinking about it especially after 2 years. I myself have always been a Christ follower since I was a child.. that's how I was raised. So I always feel guilty when I think about it and when I used over the years. I just wish one day I could go back to being just me.. being able to enjoy the gym without meth. Being able to record and play the piano without thinking I need Meth to write awesome songs.. I know it takes time.. hopefully that time will come soon before I lose my mind lol I mean thank God I have a wife that's supportive and puts up with me and my moods.

As far as ADD medication.. yeah I tried talking to several doctors about that but they don't want to prescribe me any kind of stimulants. The only thing was Straterra and I've tried that.. didn't help with focus or anything like that. And another thing they suggested was Wellbutrin which is an anti-depressant plus a psychoactive stimulant lol yeah that was shitty! I didn't give me any energy and it kept me up.. like I couldn't even sleep on it. I tried taking sleeping pills just some over the counter sleeping pills and it made me hallucinate.. still no sleep though. I was surprised that something that's not Meth can keep you up. No energy.. and shit I was pissed because even with Meth you eventually crash no problem.. or at least I do. The crash never bothered me with Meth neither.. it just made me sad especially if I didn't have anymore on hand. When I used heavily I never came down.. I was always awake and up.. re-dosing like it went out of style! I got power naps but that's it lol don't know how I made it out alive.. but in some sick and twisted way I loved every part of it! I'll never go back because I know it's corrosive and disgusting.. but man I love that feeling of being alive. When I'm not on it I just feel like a zombie. I absolutely hate being tired and if coffee did the trick I wouldn't be as grumpy lol I'd just shut up and drink caffeine all day everyday!