Civilization Minus Ethics Equals Chaos

[StatuS tickleS]

choke-start the early morn, forlorned
the crude package crackles as it's contents become torn

and who is the tearer? the terror is in my chest
i'm the funeral-bearer, i've become like all the rest

despondent and neurotic
brain wheels spin semantic hypnotics

and the only response i can muster
is an overanimated gesticulated fluster

it's tantamount is:

less than a cry for help, more than a call to arms
worse than a redundant yelp, better than a midnight yarn

spun with specific purpose
the yarns paramount moral is that morality is only on the surface

and what is underneath could create chaos from seemingly settled civilization
what's your auto response to that? what's defense for indentured innoculation

what are your best laid plans?
what demons hidden eyes are you sore to meet with demands?
when will the fables from foretellers-of-yore diminish to dust and to sands?
lachrymose eyes drip-drain my insight through my hands
as i write this monstrous metaphor
slyly imbibing subversion throughout the many lands.

 

[Raz]

I love the title, that grabbed me straight away - and this starting bit was quite impressive..

choke-start the early morn, forlorned
the crude package crackles as it's contents become torn

and who is the tearer? the terror is in my chest
i'm the funeral-bearer, i've become like all the rest

I really liked this line as well..

less than a cry for help, more than a call to arms
worse than a redundant yelp, better than a midnight yarn

 

[Mehm]

nice vocabulary choice. it makes the piece difficult to understand, which is sometimes a good thing.

thanks for posting

 

[StatuS tickleS]

^yeah, i can see the vocab. thing. some people prefer it simpler, and i write it thatway as well. alot of people around my area are really into simplification and i understand the concept and it's many tools, it's terrain, and the access to larger crowds. but my vocabulary is extensive..to a point. and i enjoy wordplay most and i enjoy using teh words i know to say the things i want. i hate to dumb it down for the sake of comprehension for the masses.

thanks for the comment, i sincerely appreciate your point of view.

 

[Gog]

If you got the words, use em! Whatever it takes to get the meaning across.

One suggestion though: less explaining what the meaning of your poem is.

 

[katmeow]

I like big words

 

[yakksoho]

Many of these couplets completely enchant me.
Though structured through rhyme, it reads like prose.
Excellent work!