keeponkeepnon
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 8, 2008
- Messages
- 149
So I'll just start out where I currently stand looking for some real feed back as I'm in a bad place and have everyone in my life working to help but this is all new to my family as well as I. Seven years ago I was diagnosed with Lyme disease chronic then six months ago I found out I also had babesia which as killing me. Seven years ago when this all began I was a senior in college terrified I was dying of cancer or aids or something I was too scared to reach out but the sheets on my bed would make me yelp in pain Sven years later not much has changed. I have been on a gamut of treatments seen multiple specialists have an awesome LLMD slash General practitioner who deals special finally with lyme.
That said I've also been utilizing Kratom around fifteen grams twice a day for the pain as at the time no one would help me or listen and I was too scared to really fend for myself I wa young. Anyway under the impression Kratom would be less detrimental over the long run I continued using it for all this time daily or I'd be bed ridden I've been fired from multiple jobs because the pain is so intense I get woozy and drowsy and depression kicks in its to the point where it'll hurt so much through my entire body from bones to skin to hair to joints to fingers everything but a combination of pains. It's uterroy horrific I never truly realized just how fucking awful chronic pain is for sufferers no idea at all. It's uterroy changed my life.
Long story short I have the most severe form of babesia called Duncani. Not much is understood about these things but whatever has occurred including severe third degree burns from years ago (keep reading bad burns from the past can trigger chronic pain responses) but anyway I'm fully dependent on the Kratom even though I hate the stuff it makes me dry heave makes me broke I derive nothing but the ability to function in non excruciating pain. Now I've dealt with opiate withdrawl in the past this feels nothing like it. Well a bit like it with ssri brain zaps and. Multitude of other things. Kratom works in twenty different ways many of them huge anti inflammatory and everywhere I ask about my reaction to even tapering a little bit and being bed ridden if that's normal no it's not.
So getting to the point ive death with my gp for seven years I'm still sick. I've been on forty mg of OXY a day for two years from day one it's barely been effective I think as a result of the kratom antagonists still being around but it was clear it in no way was able to abate the pain until it got up into the 80 to 100 mg doses at once ! And I'm not looking for a high I'm looking to function that's what I always tell him. Well I never let on about the kratom because I was so thankful I had some legitimate pain treatment even if if it would only last me a week at effective doses it allowed me to eat throughout the day which is huge because on kratom eating is so challenging because of dosing so it's a constant battle do I want to eat and be in in excruciating pain or not and be comfortable but starving and continue to lose weight.
So literally every time I see him I tell him I'm not feeling well I mean I go up and down from being bed ridden to okay to totally dysfunctional but the pain is a constant it's just how severe its going to get that day or that week.
So he wants me off the kratom and even seems to want me off the OXY till I told him no it's the Kratom that's causing the problem if there is any problem to be had. When he head that then he wanted me in detox but nothing about Kratom is typical as I'm sure of many of you know and nothing about Lyme disease of babesia is typical. I could eat suboxone or subtext alllllllll day long does NOTHING nada zip zilch. So I really question detoxes ability to help me.
That said i managed to sell myself to a doctor who is one of the only people in the country specializing in Kratom he was interviewed for scientific American on the matter.
So he is going to help me get off of it because I cannot ride this train or the even more expensive train of supplementing my costing prescption to make it rework so that I can eat and not constantly have a dull headache another side effect of Kratom u cannot eat for like six hrs before or after or else it just doesn't work so I will goes sometimes close to twenty four hours without eating how is that healthy ?
The problem is I have never been able to transition from the Kratom to oxycodone because from day one taking forty mg of oxy compared to all of the anti infllammatory properties and be lowering and all of these immensely health inflammation reducing effects Kratom has in ADDITION to its playing upon the Mu and k receptors as well as self limiting antagonists. So it has either been the antagonists sticking around keeping the oxy from working at full efficiency or too low of a dose of oxycodone or I already have a mild cross tolerance from the Kratom and an extremely high level of organic pain or all of the above ding ding ding. So in not being able to transition off its left me basically dependent upon both. I have to take the Kratom in the morning thus I can then eat lunch and dinner knowing I have medicine at home that isn't effected by food and I can go home and take a whopper dose of oxy and be completely fine have a nice evening be in a good mood eat a healthy dinner go to bed basically have quality of life or starve all day wait till I get home I'm in such immense pain it's a wonder kratom does a thing take the Kratom whch has stimulators effects that then prompts me to feel the need to take a klonopin scripted but unneeded otherwise in this scenario then wait and wait for it to work while my partner eats alone I end up not asking anythg taking a handful of antibiotics anti material meds and supplements and doing it all over again the next morning, it's like I'm literally busting my ass just to bust my ass. Most days off I have nothing and am MISERABLE because I plain and simply don't have the money and I put all my effort into just remaining functional holding my job this is the first job I've held after being fire four times as a result of the lyme since getting sick never was fired once in my life befor getting sick. The day I starts this job was the day I started the oxycodone, so it's given me some semblance of normalcy but not. Ugh as it takes eighty to hundred to replace the Kratom andi can obviously only do that for a few days but those few days are so ice of because I. Loaded but because I can eat and lives normal life.
So unfortunately my posts keep crashing so my long story keeps getting cut off but I have deep radiating pain downto the bone in drenched in sweat to the point of Changing clothes six times during a nine hour shift because it's like I just ran up a mountain and now a cold breeze is being blasted atme and I have to walk around in sales all day like that. It's horrible to have that on top of the pain and be starving and have ur ears ringing at full blast and be in a panic it's hell.
So long story short seven years y dr seems to be at a loss and doesn't seem to want to help me with the pain despite one minute telling me I have this life altering disease the. The next minute eh we've got to get u off oxycodone. Ummmm why and his immediate response to me mentioning possibly being evaluated at a non profit hospital that is known for great work to have all this evaluated because clearly this is still organic pain ask have zero entail dependency of kratomsave the stuff in fact but purely even if I try to taper a bit the pain gets so bad I'm truly bed ridden and it just ever goes away or eases which is not. Y understanding of Kratom.
Soon the fourteenth of the month I'm seeing the one specialist in the country on kratom to help me get off that's all I want is to be on. Something from a dr not a herb I'm trusting a stranger with and is driving me into bankrupt when I pay a small fortune for insurance and have great insurance. Butleadingyp to the fourteenth and possibly even after that Im stuck. I CANNOT stay on the Kratom merry go round any longer I'm plain and simply losing too. Ugh weight even thgh I do attribute. T ability to function through much of these two horrible diseases to it lyme and babesia. And I financially cannot afford to supplement my script any longer when the things that work out of morphene Kratom methadone Demerol oxycodone fent codiene darvocet Vicodin dilaudid tramadol and lyrica and very uncle relaxer under the sun. The only things that work in order of efficiency methadone 20mg 10 am 10 pm and a couple Vicodin or oxy thru the day 5 mg ones and I was like a new guy I literally had tears in my eyes when it was seven pm I had a normal times dinner with my SO work went great I never felt loopy and it was seven pm and I was literally doing jumping jacks normally by that time of night I'm curled up in a ball wntinf to die or taking a heroic dose of oxy or gagging on Kratom to get a headache and starve but at least it be in pain or nearly as much. So it goes methadone oxy dilaudid Kratom and muscle relaxants and fioricet.
NOTHING ELSE HELPS it's enough to make you want to cry. So my long over due question is this
I've read a lot of lyme patients do this and it's because it's the only way they've found life again and that is to attend a methadone clinic and essentially pretend to a drug addict looking to get clean. I only play with the idea because it's the only fucking thing that works that doesn't cost me over a hundred daily and I can eat it's amazing how fundamentals d how much we as Americans and humans in general take meal time for granted seven years of not ever being able to just eat wow. I've lost sixty pounds happy bout it but not another can go not with these crazy infections, so I basically pleaded with my dr to up my dose till the fourteenth when I would begin getting off the kratom and hopefully getting its antagonists out of. Would increase the fficnency of the oxy so it would hopefully just e a temp up thru him and wouldbe the first time I've asked in two years. But now it suddenly feels like he doesn't want to help me when I don't know what to do he diagnosed me with all this has treated me with serious serious drugs and I not talking about the pain killers and yet I'm still a mess and he seems to be at a loss andin turn every soften takes this stand of fish attitude which is so weird bcause we are fiends family friends and personl I've,now. Him since I was eight. It's just very disheartening to be where I am.
Basically what would you folks do ? I'm struggling at work the pain consists of bone, nerve, stabbing, throbbing, stinging burning aching freezing my skin feels swollen over my entire body you name it the sensation is there and throughout everything so not easy to get into check. And if I don't expirience atleastacouple hours of normalcy at least once a day at minimum every two days I sink into the deepest depression bcause I. A socially just cannot take it anymore after seven years. I. Now in therapy again doing everything I should be doing but I'm just at a loss. It's so frustrating knowing exactly what would give me my life Armand not being able to get it.
Would my doctor be made aware I went to a clinic can it be anonymous ? Is the stuff they give to recovering addicts the same as medical ? I know it sounds nuts to have asked for none of this and then to surround myself in a place like a methadone climc like what am I thinking but I'm out of options, also how long does the process take casie the closest one is45 minutes away opposite direction from work. So I would have to leave early early am. I dunno how to feel about it but a lot of lyme patients swear if they did t do it they'd stillbe in bed, and whileim not I need to eat need to stop spending money on Kratom and have some quality of life back I work so hard every day you'd think that'd be included in the benefits.
Is this a good idea or terrible ? I'm fully aware as to all about the pharmacology of methadone so that doesn't need to be addressed I mean from a purely a moral feasibility standpoint. It's either that or I try to talk to my doctor again but I don't want o start crying and I'm so sick of feeling guilty for reaching out for help. Like low and behold there are all sorts of treatments injects etc for the baseball sized lu ps I get protruding fro my back. Have I ever been offered anything other then pills and I had to beg beg beg beg beg beg to go from tea Adolfo oxycodone which I totallyunderstand but he has seven years of testing and he knows damn well how horrible this is. What to do. What to do. Thank you all so. Ugh and I. So sorry for the length there's just so much to it. What the hell do do and basically I just need to hear from someone will anyone help me ?! I mean in the medical profession. My mother suggested after going to see the Kratom specialist and getting off it I will then need to find a pain specialist like immediately or I don't know what ill do because I certainly don't see my doctor writing.a script for either thing that would give me my life back. My moms suggestions was to not even mention the Lyme but rather just the pain. Anyone have any idea how to even talk to a pain specialist like their job doesn't seem real someone who listens to your description of pain then tries to help ?! And I have to brace. Twelfth for some ad experiences. I'm sure I. Super hyper sensitive to them I've been thru many dealing with lyme a I would imagine pain and lyme together is just a whole world of fun. So I gotta sleep anyytyyyyy words of encouragement for my immediate plan of action and tha going forward. I can get in to see my reg dr tomorro if anyone has any suggestions. Thank you allso. Ugh whoever takes the time to read this really lost.
That said I've also been utilizing Kratom around fifteen grams twice a day for the pain as at the time no one would help me or listen and I was too scared to really fend for myself I wa young. Anyway under the impression Kratom would be less detrimental over the long run I continued using it for all this time daily or I'd be bed ridden I've been fired from multiple jobs because the pain is so intense I get woozy and drowsy and depression kicks in its to the point where it'll hurt so much through my entire body from bones to skin to hair to joints to fingers everything but a combination of pains. It's uterroy horrific I never truly realized just how fucking awful chronic pain is for sufferers no idea at all. It's uterroy changed my life.
Long story short I have the most severe form of babesia called Duncani. Not much is understood about these things but whatever has occurred including severe third degree burns from years ago (keep reading bad burns from the past can trigger chronic pain responses) but anyway I'm fully dependent on the Kratom even though I hate the stuff it makes me dry heave makes me broke I derive nothing but the ability to function in non excruciating pain. Now I've dealt with opiate withdrawl in the past this feels nothing like it. Well a bit like it with ssri brain zaps and. Multitude of other things. Kratom works in twenty different ways many of them huge anti inflammatory and everywhere I ask about my reaction to even tapering a little bit and being bed ridden if that's normal no it's not.
So getting to the point ive death with my gp for seven years I'm still sick. I've been on forty mg of OXY a day for two years from day one it's barely been effective I think as a result of the kratom antagonists still being around but it was clear it in no way was able to abate the pain until it got up into the 80 to 100 mg doses at once ! And I'm not looking for a high I'm looking to function that's what I always tell him. Well I never let on about the kratom because I was so thankful I had some legitimate pain treatment even if if it would only last me a week at effective doses it allowed me to eat throughout the day which is huge because on kratom eating is so challenging because of dosing so it's a constant battle do I want to eat and be in in excruciating pain or not and be comfortable but starving and continue to lose weight.
So literally every time I see him I tell him I'm not feeling well I mean I go up and down from being bed ridden to okay to totally dysfunctional but the pain is a constant it's just how severe its going to get that day or that week.
So he wants me off the kratom and even seems to want me off the OXY till I told him no it's the Kratom that's causing the problem if there is any problem to be had. When he head that then he wanted me in detox but nothing about Kratom is typical as I'm sure of many of you know and nothing about Lyme disease of babesia is typical. I could eat suboxone or subtext alllllllll day long does NOTHING nada zip zilch. So I really question detoxes ability to help me.
That said i managed to sell myself to a doctor who is one of the only people in the country specializing in Kratom he was interviewed for scientific American on the matter.
So he is going to help me get off of it because I cannot ride this train or the even more expensive train of supplementing my costing prescption to make it rework so that I can eat and not constantly have a dull headache another side effect of Kratom u cannot eat for like six hrs before or after or else it just doesn't work so I will goes sometimes close to twenty four hours without eating how is that healthy ?
The problem is I have never been able to transition from the Kratom to oxycodone because from day one taking forty mg of oxy compared to all of the anti infllammatory properties and be lowering and all of these immensely health inflammation reducing effects Kratom has in ADDITION to its playing upon the Mu and k receptors as well as self limiting antagonists. So it has either been the antagonists sticking around keeping the oxy from working at full efficiency or too low of a dose of oxycodone or I already have a mild cross tolerance from the Kratom and an extremely high level of organic pain or all of the above ding ding ding. So in not being able to transition off its left me basically dependent upon both. I have to take the Kratom in the morning thus I can then eat lunch and dinner knowing I have medicine at home that isn't effected by food and I can go home and take a whopper dose of oxy and be completely fine have a nice evening be in a good mood eat a healthy dinner go to bed basically have quality of life or starve all day wait till I get home I'm in such immense pain it's a wonder kratom does a thing take the Kratom whch has stimulators effects that then prompts me to feel the need to take a klonopin scripted but unneeded otherwise in this scenario then wait and wait for it to work while my partner eats alone I end up not asking anythg taking a handful of antibiotics anti material meds and supplements and doing it all over again the next morning, it's like I'm literally busting my ass just to bust my ass. Most days off I have nothing and am MISERABLE because I plain and simply don't have the money and I put all my effort into just remaining functional holding my job this is the first job I've held after being fire four times as a result of the lyme since getting sick never was fired once in my life befor getting sick. The day I starts this job was the day I started the oxycodone, so it's given me some semblance of normalcy but not. Ugh as it takes eighty to hundred to replace the Kratom andi can obviously only do that for a few days but those few days are so ice of because I. Loaded but because I can eat and lives normal life.
So unfortunately my posts keep crashing so my long story keeps getting cut off but I have deep radiating pain downto the bone in drenched in sweat to the point of Changing clothes six times during a nine hour shift because it's like I just ran up a mountain and now a cold breeze is being blasted atme and I have to walk around in sales all day like that. It's horrible to have that on top of the pain and be starving and have ur ears ringing at full blast and be in a panic it's hell.
So long story short seven years y dr seems to be at a loss and doesn't seem to want to help me with the pain despite one minute telling me I have this life altering disease the. The next minute eh we've got to get u off oxycodone. Ummmm why and his immediate response to me mentioning possibly being evaluated at a non profit hospital that is known for great work to have all this evaluated because clearly this is still organic pain ask have zero entail dependency of kratomsave the stuff in fact but purely even if I try to taper a bit the pain gets so bad I'm truly bed ridden and it just ever goes away or eases which is not. Y understanding of Kratom.
Soon the fourteenth of the month I'm seeing the one specialist in the country on kratom to help me get off that's all I want is to be on. Something from a dr not a herb I'm trusting a stranger with and is driving me into bankrupt when I pay a small fortune for insurance and have great insurance. Butleadingyp to the fourteenth and possibly even after that Im stuck. I CANNOT stay on the Kratom merry go round any longer I'm plain and simply losing too. Ugh weight even thgh I do attribute. T ability to function through much of these two horrible diseases to it lyme and babesia. And I financially cannot afford to supplement my script any longer when the things that work out of morphene Kratom methadone Demerol oxycodone fent codiene darvocet Vicodin dilaudid tramadol and lyrica and very uncle relaxer under the sun. The only things that work in order of efficiency methadone 20mg 10 am 10 pm and a couple Vicodin or oxy thru the day 5 mg ones and I was like a new guy I literally had tears in my eyes when it was seven pm I had a normal times dinner with my SO work went great I never felt loopy and it was seven pm and I was literally doing jumping jacks normally by that time of night I'm curled up in a ball wntinf to die or taking a heroic dose of oxy or gagging on Kratom to get a headache and starve but at least it be in pain or nearly as much. So it goes methadone oxy dilaudid Kratom and muscle relaxants and fioricet.
NOTHING ELSE HELPS it's enough to make you want to cry. So my long over due question is this
I've read a lot of lyme patients do this and it's because it's the only way they've found life again and that is to attend a methadone clinic and essentially pretend to a drug addict looking to get clean. I only play with the idea because it's the only fucking thing that works that doesn't cost me over a hundred daily and I can eat it's amazing how fundamentals d how much we as Americans and humans in general take meal time for granted seven years of not ever being able to just eat wow. I've lost sixty pounds happy bout it but not another can go not with these crazy infections, so I basically pleaded with my dr to up my dose till the fourteenth when I would begin getting off the kratom and hopefully getting its antagonists out of. Would increase the fficnency of the oxy so it would hopefully just e a temp up thru him and wouldbe the first time I've asked in two years. But now it suddenly feels like he doesn't want to help me when I don't know what to do he diagnosed me with all this has treated me with serious serious drugs and I not talking about the pain killers and yet I'm still a mess and he seems to be at a loss andin turn every soften takes this stand of fish attitude which is so weird bcause we are fiends family friends and personl I've,now. Him since I was eight. It's just very disheartening to be where I am.
Basically what would you folks do ? I'm struggling at work the pain consists of bone, nerve, stabbing, throbbing, stinging burning aching freezing my skin feels swollen over my entire body you name it the sensation is there and throughout everything so not easy to get into check. And if I don't expirience atleastacouple hours of normalcy at least once a day at minimum every two days I sink into the deepest depression bcause I. A socially just cannot take it anymore after seven years. I. Now in therapy again doing everything I should be doing but I'm just at a loss. It's so frustrating knowing exactly what would give me my life Armand not being able to get it.
Would my doctor be made aware I went to a clinic can it be anonymous ? Is the stuff they give to recovering addicts the same as medical ? I know it sounds nuts to have asked for none of this and then to surround myself in a place like a methadone climc like what am I thinking but I'm out of options, also how long does the process take casie the closest one is45 minutes away opposite direction from work. So I would have to leave early early am. I dunno how to feel about it but a lot of lyme patients swear if they did t do it they'd stillbe in bed, and whileim not I need to eat need to stop spending money on Kratom and have some quality of life back I work so hard every day you'd think that'd be included in the benefits.
Is this a good idea or terrible ? I'm fully aware as to all about the pharmacology of methadone so that doesn't need to be addressed I mean from a purely a moral feasibility standpoint. It's either that or I try to talk to my doctor again but I don't want o start crying and I'm so sick of feeling guilty for reaching out for help. Like low and behold there are all sorts of treatments injects etc for the baseball sized lu ps I get protruding fro my back. Have I ever been offered anything other then pills and I had to beg beg beg beg beg beg to go from tea Adolfo oxycodone which I totallyunderstand but he has seven years of testing and he knows damn well how horrible this is. What to do. What to do. Thank you all so. Ugh and I. So sorry for the length there's just so much to it. What the hell do do and basically I just need to hear from someone will anyone help me ?! I mean in the medical profession. My mother suggested after going to see the Kratom specialist and getting off it I will then need to find a pain specialist like immediately or I don't know what ill do because I certainly don't see my doctor writing.a script for either thing that would give me my life back. My moms suggestions was to not even mention the Lyme but rather just the pain. Anyone have any idea how to even talk to a pain specialist like their job doesn't seem real someone who listens to your description of pain then tries to help ?! And I have to brace. Twelfth for some ad experiences. I'm sure I. Super hyper sensitive to them I've been thru many dealing with lyme a I would imagine pain and lyme together is just a whole world of fun. So I gotta sleep anyytyyyyy words of encouragement for my immediate plan of action and tha going forward. I can get in to see my reg dr tomorro if anyone has any suggestions. Thank you allso. Ugh whoever takes the time to read this really lost.
