Chronic pain and my dysfunctional relationship with food

[love.peace.war]

I am suffering from eating disorders, but not the body image part of it. Kinda weird, I know but let me explain. I was a normal late 20's female up until about 6 months ago. Long story short, I had pancreatitis when I was 8 but it went away (or rather did not flare up again) until 6 months ago. And it came back with a vengeance! It seems to be provoked whenever I eat. It's the worst pain imaginable- feels like your insides are splitting apart. I started fearing food and eating. I cut down to eating only once every other day. The pain was so bad I quit my job and am now on long term disability. I had to go to the dr a few times a week and IMO asking an employer for that much time off is not ok. I had a feeling I was going to get fired as I was taking too many days off work due to illness so I quit while I was ahead.

This pain has wrecked my life. I am depressed and I have irrational fears of eating now. What's really messed up is if I do eat now I feel a sense of guilt as if I am bringing the pain on intentionally. I have started abusing my medication (percocets) and OTC codeine. I started doing this because I found out opiates make my appetite go away. And I do get hungry, so every time I feel like I want to eat I pop pills instead.

So basically I have gone from being a normal, healthy (both mentally and physically) young woman to being a depressed wreck with irrational fears. All because of chronic illness. I have never been in trouble, never abused drugs or alcohol. I graduated high school, went to university, severed in the military. Was your average straight laced female.

Good health is fragile, if you have that then please heed my advice and look after it. Trust me it's a gift. Because when you no longer have it shit can hit the fan and you will become mentally ill. Thanks for reading this- I just had to get this all off my chest.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I am sorry to hear what you're going through

Aversion to pain is natural. Even when food isn't the cause of painful nausea, it ends up that out mind subconsciously associates whatever we ate in the last day. This is the primary reason behind chemotherapy associated weight loss; and for this reason patients are encouraged to eat foods they don't like before the day they do chemo.

I guess I would try to eat small amounts real slowly. I know I probably am not suggesting anything that you haven't already tried, but I still thought that's what I would do.

Best of luck

 

[herbavore]

I read this from the Mayo Clinic:
Eating the right diet is important for people with chronic pancreatitis. A nutritionist can help you create the best diet to maintain a healthy weight and receive the correct vitamins and minerals. All patients should be:

Drinking plenty of liquids
Eating a low-fat diet
Eating small, frequent meals (this helps reduce digestive symptoms)
Getting enough vitamins and calcium in the diet, or as extra supplements
Limiting caffeine

Fats, alcohol and caffeine seem to be the worst for this condition.

I read that there is a surgery where they can actually numb the nerve that causes the pain--has anyone ever discussed that with you?

 

[aq.]

I'm so sorry to hear that you are dealing with this.

I just am a bit confused-- do you keep yourself from eating because you are afraid of the pain that it may cause? I know you said that it does not have to do with body image, so I'm just trying to get some clarification

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey LPW. I read your post and Im really sorry you are struggling with this. Recently I have seen how strong this fight can be.

Do you have anybody to help you while you are sick.. any family or other support to help you out a bit?

I hope you are doing ok.. and if you get a chance please post an update

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey love

I thought you may find this helpful.

Recurrent acute pancreatitis in anorexia and bulimia.

I think you may be really in bad shape. Please consider seeing a counselor that specializes in eating disorders, a nutritionist so you can get your system back on track. I would also consider being evaluated for an in patient program for eating disorders.

I hope for the very best for you