Christmas At Dad's

Well of course it didn't go well. I haven't had ONE good holiday in TWO years.
My brother is always running late and we are always waiting on him. for once he couldn't wait on me. I had lost track of time and had to put make up on. (I have a status quo) to uphold in that family.
So he just up and left without me. Literally 5 minutes, I was there at my dad's after him. It just put a bad light on it all to start.

My step-brother's pregnant gf got engaged for Christmas and my step-sister was there with her bf and his 2 kids.
And there I am alone. No one to protect me....I'm pretty sure there some inside jokes that went over my head.

I'm afraid that BPD is going to keep me alone forever unless I happen to find someone that understands it. I can't believe I messed it up with S. I still cry, not that it matters.


Went and saw my grandma, you know what she doesn't look so bad for having cancer. But she would never admit to feeling sick or anything. But I'm still afraid we are going to lose her.

Lets just say it too 5 cig, 4 k-pins, alcohol and 3 somas to get through that. And talking to friends so I didn't just go off and kill myself.

Well at least with my plan it takes time and thought,maybe enough for me to talk myself out of it ya know.

 

Well, maybe it does not seem like it in Iowa, but there plenty of folks with BPD. I cannot honestly relate, butr if I had to do an armchair analysisi I would imagine my own mum had it, up and down. Medication has not helped you at all? Anyway, chin up the holidays are almost over there!

 

I thought the medication was helping. It just turned out to be a 1.5 up swng.