Its 8 o clock on a sunday night and I cant shake this feeling. I have come to a shitty realization I will never be happy without heroin I have tried for the last year to forget about it Ive given it an honest try I really have. I really hope death is a relief from the burden of reality I just need some rest my soul is tired. Tired of fighting wars it cannot win tired of the expectations placed on it by a society of miserable pricks who believes they know better then me whats best for me. Im tired of feeling like a failure for not achieving things I never gave a fuck about in the first place. I just want a job where I make enough money to buy drugs and have my own place that doesnt seem like too much to ask for. But my generation is fucked there are no jobs so we are funneled into universitys to rack up debts that will keep us enslaved for the rest of our lives. And for what? a piece of paper saying that im smart? I know im smart I dont need a fucking 75 thousand dollar piece of paper to tell me that.
Its frustrating I keep telling myself if I just stick it out things will get better but they dont. Every morning I wake up and im still just me same old ugly ass depressed dude with no chances. Ive never felt so alone in my whole life no one understands why im miserable and when I try to explain I get blank stares and shrugs. Like I know existentially my life isnt bad but that doesnt change how I feel about it. I just think I would be better off dead now I just have to summon the courage to find out. I feel bad cause im going to let everyone down again but Im going to let everyone down anyway at least this way I dont have to be around to hear about it.
Of course there is that part of me that says fuck it just go get strung out and live like you dont give a fuck. Then when its time to go grab the heater and go down in a blaze of glory show them motherfuckers the way to valhalla. And its a tempting thought see I have this rage that burns inside me I have learned to suppress it but it tells me I should buy an assault rifle and take a page out of quentin terrantinos natural born killers. But I resist cause I dont wanna be a violent reactionary thats not the path LSD taught me to take. I dunno I just cant see myself living much longer for this life has become a living hell.
Its frustrating I keep telling myself if I just stick it out things will get better but they dont. Every morning I wake up and im still just me same old ugly ass depressed dude with no chances. Ive never felt so alone in my whole life no one understands why im miserable and when I try to explain I get blank stares and shrugs. Like I know existentially my life isnt bad but that doesnt change how I feel about it. I just think I would be better off dead now I just have to summon the courage to find out. I feel bad cause im going to let everyone down again but Im going to let everyone down anyway at least this way I dont have to be around to hear about it.
Of course there is that part of me that says fuck it just go get strung out and live like you dont give a fuck. Then when its time to go grab the heater and go down in a blaze of glory show them motherfuckers the way to valhalla. And its a tempting thought see I have this rage that burns inside me I have learned to suppress it but it tells me I should buy an assault rifle and take a page out of quentin terrantinos natural born killers. But I resist cause I dont wanna be a violent reactionary thats not the path LSD taught me to take. I dunno I just cant see myself living much longer for this life has become a living hell.
