Children and drugs what to do?

[the bold one]

after my daughter grew up watching her dad go from mental hospitals to prison because of drugs,i had hoped she had the sense to do the right thing and make the choices i did not.she hasnt.she has started to abuse drugs pretty heavily and i am seeing the same patterns with her that i went through.i didnt have a massive amount of say in her growing up after her mother(sensibly)gave me the elbow due to my drug related bad behavior.it doesnt make me feel any less guilty or helpless.what can i do?

 

[trll]

Hi There,
I am single mum of three and have just spent sleepless nights worrying over my teens and drugs.
I feel that I have been a bad role model for them and have drank and smoked and taken too many pills prescribed and otherwise. Now my eldest is experimenting with drugs and smokes weed regularly and my 13yr old daughter is also trying out smoking and drinking, she also is quite secretive about stuff, (well lies) After beating myself up all night about what a bad mum I have been, this morning I have tried to look at the positive. My eldest talks to me about drugs and we can have a good conversation about harm min. My daughter I am determined to put more time in to see wheres shes at. I cant say what to do about the guilt and it gets me too.
I think I feel its not too late to look at cleaning up my act a bit and showing them some more positive stuff, and try to keep the conversations light but honest.
My son tells me drugs are everywhere for teens thats a fact of life.
I feel for your situation, and send you positive energy. (bit of an old hippy!)
best wishes bx

 

[Nib]

Well as a mid 20's male who drove my mom crazy when I was a teen with my drug use which at the time wasn't more then really weed and alcohol and some of her stolen codiens and valiums, I can tell you there's not much you can do to stop a kid from experimenting. Her and my dad used to be alcoholics but quit when I was really young and didn't even notice it.

Kids are gonna do drugs and honestly all you can do is talk to them about it in a non-invasive way and in a caring supportive way. How old is this girl anyway? And I'm a little confused who is the mother, you or the woman who was giving you the elbow? If it's a young kid like under 16 you can be a lot more threatening if they completely refuse. If they have a serious drug problem and will have withdrawals then see what you can do about getting out-patient treatement.

What drugs is she doing and how often? Need some more details.

 

[Legerity]

You can be there to support her because you have been through the same thing. You don't need to feel that it is your duty to convince her not to, just offer your own experiences and perspective without telling her what to do. I'm not a parents so I assume that this is easier said than done, but that really what I would like if I were to turn to one of my own parents for support.

By having somebody listen to her without judging, who understands what she is going through, you can provide a safe space for her to express herself.

 

[the bold one]

my girl is 18,she is drinking taking pills and coke and valium.i am her dad and me ex is her mother

 

[phenethylo J]

You really need to just sit her down and have a long talk. Keep it sencible and make sure what ever happens make it doesn't turn in to an argument.

 

[trll]

Yeah I think talking is the only thing you can do, and if she knows you are there for her, no matter what, Maybe she isnt following youre footsteps. Get good harm min advice, so she can keep as safe as possible. Your past my not have been so good for her but you can make the future different, and use your experience to support her.
Its the hardest thing being a parent and watching your kid have a hard time.
good luck, bx

 

[Altered Perception]

after my daughter grew up watching her dad go from mental hospitals to prison because of drugs,i had hoped she had the sense to do the right thing

Human behaviour is a pretty unusual thing, for some people experiencing or seeing unpleasant situations is enough of a deterrant whilst for others it seems to spark a curiosity and they end up wanting to experiencing what they know is bad.

Your going to need a lot of patience and strength to get through this, I wish you all the best.

 

[DaddyPhatSax]

Yea, I drove my parents nuts with my drug and alcohol use as a teen. They basically knew what I was using and didnt try to lock me up or anything. The thing they kept beating into my head was if I kept being IRRESPONSIBLE with it, that it would cause me major problems. That and your kids DO want ur approval, they just dont show it. My parents always showed disapproval with my drug use, it was never acceptable.

Eventually when I matured it hit me between the eyes how stupid I was being, and realized they were mostly right with everything they had been preaching.

In my opinion, thats about the best u can do. Show ur kids the right path, tell them why to take it, and hope they do some day.

And if u fucked up in life and took the wrong path, just keep using ur experiences and be totally candid about what pain those mistakes caused u in life. Just keep using it as an example for them. Repetition and consistency are key.