Morning ALL...Your suggestions for succcess in posting are truly appreciated. My laptop is less than a year old. I don't think it's the machine, as such. It's confessed "user failure". I will certainly try everything y'all mentioned from this point forward. Sometimes when I can retrieve "auto-save", it has only "saved" part of the post. Sometimes it posts in pure gibberish "alien" morse code. I just had to give up last night and log off.
I'll try to pick up where I left off, as I lost a couple of paragraphs at least.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
I have never tried accupuncture, but would be willing to do so if it were available within a 2 hour one-way drive. We live in a small town that is 2 hours from sunshine. We're lucky we have a hospital with a specialty pain center under its umbrella of services.
I have endured myofascial release massage (insert primal screams of agony). It was throw up in my mouth painful, as abdominal adhesions are webbed throughout, encasing my organs. I do stretching daily through YOGA and I use the tennis ball method for added neck and low back muscle massage. For many years I walked 2 miles a day around our school track. I had to discontinue due to bone on bone grinding in my knees. The cartilage is gone, so I get Synvisc One injections in both to delay TKR.
My skeletal issues are so fragile that a firm hug fractured my ribs, sending me to the ER in excruciating pain. I left feeling GOOD for the first time in forever, from an injection of Morphine and I think a Percocet. Of course, relief was temporary but remains a nice memory.
This morning, the joints of my fingers are so very swollen and painful, it hurts to type. I awaken daily to unfurl my hands from a painful "fist" position. The pain in my hands lessens as the day progresses, because I keep them in motion.
TMI, but I have constant pain in my vagina and rectum that intensifies during the time of the month that my period would have occured. Both canals were ravaged by stage 4 endometriosis, and were damaged irrepairably through lysis of disease. It feels as though I am being raped with a twisting serrated edge knife. My bladder does empty, if my bowels are not distended from constipation. I will always have to take some form of Senna, etc. for the IBC.
I support whatever helps a person feel their personal best, whether through Western or Eastern medicine. I've seen a number of charlatans (sic) through my older sister's attempts for relief of Fibromyalgia. The only thing they've relieved her of is MONEY.
I have to throw the BS flag on a recent suggestion to me via a NP. She treated me last year (kudos) at a quik clinic (weekend) for the initial onset of SHINGLES in my eye. She's the one who told me tha "stress will close the lid on my coffin" to see an early grave. We discussed what the many specialists/surgeons across 3 states had told me in late 2013. We discussed my enrollment in PM and my resistance to use the big gun meds, although my condition substantiates the need for them.
She told me of her M.D. doctor friend who no longer practices traditional medicine. He believes in a holistic approach of aligning mind, body and spirit. (Yea, I could use some alignment in all 3 IF I could first get just 1/3 of my pain relieved!) He has opened his own wellness institute that is uber-expensive and guess what? It's cash only...$600 per consult. Hm-m-m,
throw that BS flag!!! He teaches mindfulness, meditation and helps to center your "chi". He expresses himself through his artistic renderings displayed throughout his "institute". Funny thing is, I can draw, sketch, paint since I could hold a brush. I'm not inclined to do so when I am writhing in pain and agony.
I have no intention of financing his hobbies. I practice mindfulness, meditation and prayer. My "chi" is the only thing that
doesn't hurt! 8( He doesn't "believe" in pain medication. That makes me think perhaps he's never experienced my level of pain. I'm not ecstatic at even being labeled a CPP...It seems IMO to place a stigma on those of us who are just trying to fake it til we feel it.
Please y'all, no offense intended towards whatever works for you. I don't judge. I've learned the hard way to be my own advocate, rather that worship the gods in white coats. If it doesn't work for me personally, I do not blindly follow.
My husband of 35 years has witnessed my health tribulations. He says he just wants me to have less pain and sadness...to see me smile and mean it. It's been a while. I can't explain just how I fear my life becoming dependent on a medication that my doctor cannot prescribe sufficiently as per DEA regulations. The worry and stress of it all keeps the viral antibodies of the shingles virus RAGING. I cannot get contacs or glasses for my deteriorating vision until the virus goes dormant again (if ever).
I'm just plain scared, y'all. I've had an exit strategy in place for YEARS. I know it's macabre, but I'm a control freak and refuse to allow myself to exist in a state of unending misery. I also think my husband has a shot at the happiness he deserves if not burdened by me. Now it occurs to me that I can lose my sight. Crazy me...I've placed the "tools" I'd need in a specific place that I can access even with vision impairment.
God truly must have a sense of humor, too. I get pooch-mouthed, feeling like JOB in the Bible. I joke that I would start a fire, then sit and sulk in the ashes, except...
somebody keeps pissing on my matches!
A merry heart does good like a medicine. A salty sense of humor, though often dark, sustains me.
Thank y'all for listening to my verbal vomit. RTP...I'd be willing to try the liquid Morphine, but my doctor is not what I need him to be. He rushes me in and out, charging $140 for office visit and $140 for hospital fee (huh?). He tells me he has a tooth ache, or a headache or that he has too many patients. (yep) On Wednesday, he told me that he had to leave following my appoinment because his house burned last month. (yep) He's busy with construction, etc.
Am I his therapist? I know...
find another doctor...WHERE? It's noon before the sun even shines in our neck of the woods!
DixiChik
This emoticon is spot on with my frustrations with MYSELF.
It isn't my failure to read. It's just that my writing and arithmetic aren't jiving with length of posts and log out time.
HOPE is a powerful thing, but it's not a plan. I need a plan to not only survive or exist, but to thrive, if only in increments of time. I obviously can tolerate pain, but at almost 54 why should it have to be this much of it with no end in sight?
I DO hope this posts. Tech difficulties AGAIN...User failure!