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Chicago Heroin v. Please refrain from offing yourself.

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Hey everyone, been so busy at work, haven't even had time to go cop. 14-16hrs a day then drive home and shower and eat. By the time I'm done I barely make it to my bed to pass out. But today, work got called off due to the rain, so first thing I did was call my PC and go cop. I got home and did one bag and nodded for 3 hours. Then I got up and ate, it was still raining so I did another bag and nodded again for about an hour and a half. Both time having that great Itchy feeling. So I basically used my unexpected day off to just relax and get high all day. And it felt great! lol About to eat and gonna do a 2 bagger and just get straight fucked up for the rest of the night. Wellthat's about it for my exciting life lol. Hope everyone else is doing good and being safe. Itchy my man, good for you on the sobriety. Proud of you brotha! Peace out homies.
 
Where are our regulars at? Itchy, GT, NSB, etc, etc..

When its common knowledge we're all doing what we do, check in or something. Let us know you're alive at least.

HOW THE FUCK IS EVERYONE?!? :!
All's weeeelll here!! LOL! What up my southsidean brother!!! HAHAHA!!!
The way I was feeling, I wasn't sure man. LOL!
Peace folks!
 
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Good luck on that job interview Istern, yeah, I heard Walmart takes felonies on case by case basis man, so if you are not a violent offender you have a very good chance.
BTW, Good to know ppl. on here still remember about ppl. when they are not around bro. Thanks man.
Yeah GT, it looked like it was going to rain here all day but just started now 9;55...yeah man you prbably needed that day off 14-16 hours only goes on for so long...and then you crash!! LOL!
Take your bobble headed, nodding ass to bed man!! HA!:|
Hope everyone else is cool.
Later guys:)
 
Fuck, I felt so good when I woke up this morning. I think I needed a day of doing absolutely nothing at all. I was starting to feel like a zombie. Istern, good luck with the job interview. Itchy, you are right bro, I'm sure you've been there delivering construction material, 14-16 hour days, it gets old real quick. You start having dreams about being at work and when you wake up you are pissed off because you feel like you never left work. But yeah I feel good today. Got a lot I need to get done around the house. Have a good day everyone.
 
Fuck, I felt so good when I woke up this morning. I think I needed a day of doing absolutely nothing at all. I was starting to feel like a zombie. Istern, good luck with the job interview. Itchy, you are right bro, I'm sure you've been there delivering construction material, 14-16 hour days, it gets old real quick. You start having dreams about being at work and when you wake up you are pissed off because you feel like you never left work. But yeah I feel good today. Got a lot I need to get done around the house. Have a good day everyone.
Yeah man those days of doing nothing are golden man! Unfortunatelly I get more of those days than I want nowadays. lol! Getting stir crazy! Hell no brother! I never delivered const. mat. fn 14-16 hours a day!! LOL! That job was cool bro! Worked with this one dude... But I've had a jobs where I was a local driver and the boss didn't give a shit if you were on the road 20 hours going all regional and shit..."sleep in the truck buddy"..."fuck yooouuuu!! LOL! I'm local not over the road!!" LOL! I honestly don't know how those guys do it man...I guess you have to have a certain mentality for that. I like to sleep in my own bed. Yeah but I've had weeks when I just come home for like 4 hour naps...that's brutal after a while.
" Got a lot I need to get done around the house." HA! Funny you should mention that man! That's the only thing my girl likes about me when I'm high, is that I never complain about doing house stuff, doesn't matter what it is! HA! I'm actually kind of enthusiastic about it too! LOL!
Anyway, whatever bro,....Fucking talking shit!! LOL! Gonna go watch Wolf of Wall st. lol! Later man.
Have a Good rest of the weekend folks, be safe.
Peace.
 
So my job interview went okay but they gave me 24 hours to take a drug test. Idk wtf I'm gunna do. I'm thinking going for the diluted and hope for a retest or bring in some clean piss. My mom sounded like shed give me some. (she caught me a week or 2 ago red handed)

Anyway i have another major problem idk what to do about since i think talking about drug tests is against the rules.

Well i almost exclusively get mine delivered now and its always this old man. The other day he basically said he has better shit and tried to cut out my connect. I went on his word and he more or less gave me some weak ass dope. So next day i order more and he is the driver again i told him how i felt about his shit and all i need from him is to drive which he can't object to cuz hes my connects driver not mine. So he comes through yesterday and throws me a bag of fire dope. The best I've had in a while. I still don't trust him. Now today he just dropped off an order and showed me a bag of raw. It was a few chunks he said was a half. It looked legit and he told me it was a half jab and a sawbuck.

The half raw looked pretty tastey but man i am just thinking when it comes time to buy it I'm going to get beat in some form or fashion. I think i will try it one time and see how it goes. He knows I'm not going to just let him go on me because of the first time. Plus i think his ass is on the line if my connect finds out what he's doing.

If i go through with it one of these days I'll let you guys know. Otherwise take care guys.
 
They'll probably have you report to some facility (like Pro Lab) and you'll sign in, a tech will take you to the bathroom, make u take all the crap out of ur pocket, then leave and close the door while you do your thing... pretty easy to pass if you're slick.. just make sure that you crotch it for a while and bring a lighter in with you if you need to get it a few degrees hotter.. the cup has a temp strip on it..

I've always preferred to get mine delivered as it gives me more control over the situation and I can get some shit done while I wait for my people. If I'm at work my people usually end up coming within an hour or two.

I wanted to ask the people who either have been off opiates for a while or have had some significant time off opiates in the past... I'm looking to gradually slow down and eventually quit. I started using in college and it's really a miracle that I graduated since I spent way more time getting well and using 'creative financing' to fund my addiction than on my studies or work.. I was actually going to go into medicine but I decided it wasn't right for me since I would've had to actually study lol - a business degree is much easier. Anyway, I'm pretty content where I'm at now and it's much better than it was a year or two ago. However, I think of all the money I've spent, the friends I've gradually stopped having contact with because they only drank, trouble I've got into, etc. and I want to get off this shit. It's much harder than I expected. I was essentially able to quit weed after smoking everyday for years and also quit doing coke without much trouble but opiates seem like a different animal. Right now I'm on methadone and that holds me over but it's the doing dope in addition that catches up to me and every so often seems to get me in trouble, indirectly or directly, whether it's with work, legal stuff, etc. Idk it just seems like I could do so much better in like all aspects of my life without doing dope, even if it's a few times a week. On one hand I'm like kind of content with the job I have and where I'm at in life and I rationalize the money and time spent on dope as like a recreational activity or hobby. Sounds kind of dumb, but I tell myself well some people race cars, collect coins, go scuba-diving - I do heroin lol. On the other hand, I know if I quit dope, and methadone eventually, I know I'd be like really successful have a lot of cash, much better job, drive a nicer car, do more socially acceptable things, etc. etc. But in a way it seems like too much work and the way I have it already really isn't bad and even better than a lot of my non-using friends...

Idk, just some thoughts If anyone has any experience or advice on what they did to cut down their use, quit for a while, or any other related experience/advice I'd appreciate it.
 
^^^ Hey Trance, I don't really have alot of experience with prescribed methadone(just the shit I used to get from a friend when I was sick)but from what I hear methadone is alot harder to get over than dope. I've quit dope more than a few times but just picked up just out of sheer boredom.
I recently cut all the shit out cold turkey(my nose is still dripping, I feel like shit and still sweat at night[but NEVER wanted to fuck with methadone])
I had a pretty bad coke habit back in the days and that shit wasn't really hard to quit(exept for the fact you feel like your primary reason for your existance[not life]got taken away)
"Cut down"? I'm sorry man but for me that shit never works. I would just dick around, dick around for a while and then get tired of restricting myself and just say f()** it.
It's funny that's how I justify my vices too man, "I would just spend that money on something..." I think that's common dude.
As far as the quality of life, I think it's a personal prefference, some ppl. are content with living a certain (not necessarily bad) way and that's cool. Others want to really exel at shit and that's cool too.
Imo, nobody can tell you how to live and what's good for you...cause that's their perception of "normal/good life".
You have to remember man, we as addicts are very used to instant gradification...and actually waiting for something to get better always seems like too long, too hard or too much work...
Idk man, you have to do what you think will make you happy.
Take care man.
Later folks.
 
Thanks for the reply dude. Yeah I would not recommend methadone unless it's like an absolute last resort. The withdrawal isn't perhaps as severe as heroin but they last forever. I've heard of people going to jail for months and still not feeling 100% when they get out. WD's for h for me aren't usually too bad after like 48/72 hours. There were a lot of times while I was in school where I'd be in situations where I couldn't use for a few days and I got through it by taking lots of loperamide, some benzos, sometimes a little Robittussin DM, and poppy tea if my legs ached. I mean my eyes would still be watery and I wouldn't feel 100% but the loperamide especially took care of the aches and like 95% of the physical wd symptoms while the benzos took care of the mental cravings.

I'm in a 'cut down' phase right now but that's mainly because I crashed my car (because of dope... of course.. ) and now have to get it fixed. I have a decent car but unfortunately I only have liability since I had a ton of like speeding tickets, improper lane change tickets, etc. so major insurance companies won't even let me get full coverage and the shitty companies will but they'll charge me like $170 a month. I wanted to buy a new car and like put $10k down and do payments on the rest but with the insurance it'd end up costing like $650 a month with the payments for a new Mercedes C-class or a BMW 3 so I said fuck it. Insurance only looks at the past 3 years and the past yaer I've only had 1 ticket so if I can manage two more years of safe driving I'll be able to get a new car and afford the insurance on it.

The thing I worry about is like after I fix my car and pay the bills for the month I need to, I know it's going to end up like it usually does. I'll end up chipping more often - instead of just once or twice a week then it'll be three, four times. then eventually it'll be using everyday until some shit happens again. Then I'll have to go back to trying to fix whatever situation I'm in and not do dope... till it's fixed then I go back to chipping, chipping more, to doing it daily... I'd like to avoid it this time. What I think I'm going to do differently is give like half my paycheck to my dad or set up a joint account or something. I think that would help a lot.

The main driving force behind this thinking lately is because I really want to make some kind of change in my life. I graduated college a year ago and got a pretty good job within a few months of graduating but it's been almost a year now and things have been going gradually downhill at this company. A lot of people have already quit. It's a good paying job but our quotas have been going up and up while our opportunities have been declining so the commissions have been getting worse and worse. I'd love to move to Europe but I know I'd need a little more work experience first and it wouldn't hurt to have an MBA also so that's like a 3-5 year plan. Realistically, I can at the very least switch jobs or move to a new state in the next few months.. Idk.. I get kind of stir-crazy if I stay in one spot for too long or do the same thing for too long and I know I can do better than this - but I'd have to commit myself to not doing dope and gradually decline on my methadone dose. I lived in like 5 states in the past 6-7 years but that's kind of how I like living. I mean it really seems like the motivating factor behind not doing dope is so I can get a better paying job, advance in my career, etc. I think that if I found a good gf where like we worked together to make a good future it would be a big help. I have a 'gf' now but she's really more just a fuck buddy. We'll see each other on weekends and it's mostly just a physical connection. I have heard of a lot of ppl quitting like once they got married/engaged or had kids - especially once they had a kid like they turned their life around a lot. I definitely am not ready for kids lol. However, I think that starting a new job at a company I really like with day to day duties that I enjoy will definitely be a good first step... We'll see how it goes.. Realistically, I know I'll probably cop on the weekends but if I give my dad half my check and pay the bills I need to once I get paid I won't be nearly as likely to do it more often than that.. I'll see how it goes for now
 
I have been clean for 9 months except for 2 slip ups, 1 bag each time. I don't have experience with methadone but I have a friend that quit methadone by stoping it, and going back to dope for a few weeks then cold turkeyed that. He said it was much easier then kicking the done because though the physical agony is worse it is much shorter. In my case I cold turkeyed a gram a day habit and was of course sick as fuck for 10 days or so. After that I felt amazing for about a week and thought "damn that was easy". Then the paws kicked in and completely fucked my life up. It is by far the worse thing ever. I had the luxury of having a great girlfriend that stood by me the whole time and a compassionate business partner that held things down for me for 4 months where I was literally unable to work because of the depression. I am a work horse by nature but this depression paralyzed me to the point I couldn't do my fucking laundry and I was showering maybe once a week. After 6 months I started seein my shrink twice a month at $200 each session and getting my meds (adderall and Zoloft) at $200 a month. But fuck it I was spending more on the dope and fuck money, health is the most important thing. So any advice I could give is if you don't have a family to support and can afford to take a less stressful position for 6 months at work, then see a shrink that won't just throw subs at you or Xanax at you and work through what got you to doing the dope in the first place. Work out like a motherfucker too, that will help that paws depression. It is going to be rough brother but us addicts have a lot of determination and fight in us. The cravings get less and less as time goes on but they are still there. But even with the real bad days it still gets a tiny bit better everyday. Good luck to you man and thanks for reading all of my bs haha
 
damn that was easy". Then the paws kicked in and completely fucked my life up.

yea paws is a mfer. but its getting better for me i find working out seems to work well and the craving are nowhere near the levels they were the first couple months

newphone good for you getting off that shit , how did you do it... what is the plan going forward, are you on subs? please dont tell me you plan on dabbing into bags as an alternative .. cause you know that never ends up well
 
I'm pretty close to panic here. I think my guy got busted or something. None its answering the phone and i have no way or desire really too go out west. I know is time for a break but Fuck. I already bought a fat bottle of loperamide but it only does so much.
 
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yeah, I'm still here, still living. just stayed away from the site for a while. trying to stay clean for the family. hard to do, cause i want to get high, despite all the shit it gets me into. i am trying like a mf'er this time to remind myself every time a craving hits that the good part is followed by the bad part. always. always. just like you all talking about the paws up above.

and advice on getting clean and staying clean...man, not from me. i got a ten year track record of getting clean and relapsing...so...i wish i knew. i think it has something to do with staying clean one day at a time, and not getting wound up by looking too far ahead, or worrying about what you don't have or all that shit. keeping things simple. having a support system like someone mentioned above. but what do i know? just over 30 days into it again. fuck. its no fun being a 45 yo fuckup. i gotta change that perspective soon.

Istern - maybe it is a sign and it's time to chill. at least you weren't there when the shit went down - sorry , just read your post again and you get delivery...but you get it. be grateful you didn't get busted and take the opportunity to clean up.

otherwise, hope everyone else is well.
 
What is your experience with Loperamide? I have kicked a couple times with just loperamide, ibuprofen, cold medicine, allergy medicine, and benedryl. I have had people use the same thing and they claim that it hasnt done anything for them. Me on the other hand, over the counter meds make it possible to get through the first few days. Does anyone else have any tricks or know of any over the counter meds to help kick?
 
So, I have been off methadone since May 28. I kicked cold turkey and then decided to go into a detox and a treatment program just because the withdrawals lasted so long.

In detox I was on subutex but even subutex didn't help me much and I had been off methadone for 5 days before they put me on the subs. I was still going through withdrawal... Unable to sleep, cramping, etc. It took over a month to get out of the withdrawal. I'm still sneezing like 50 times a day, but it's getting better.

I was in detox for 12 days and I leave "treatment" on Monday and fly back to Chicago. Not going to lie, this treatment is way different than the others... As in they let people take their benzos, adderall, etc. This girl got 4 bundles of dope delivered here from NYC.

It definitely is possible to be a chipper... You just have to be determined. I'm not a big believer in the powerlessness that 12 step programs preach. Even once you are physically addicted you can still quit cold turkey. I guess the problem is most people don't want to quit once their physically addicted.

I'm not trying to get strung out again, but can't say I'm not looking forward to getting some dope when I go home.
 
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