It kinda scares me to think that even after 5 years clean it's that easy for someone to jump right back into the life. No offense, I'm not talking down about you or anything, it just make me feel hopeless that I'll always be a prisoner to dope no matter how much or how little I use. I was almost 6 months clean and dove right back in. Just using a little here and there at first but eventually back to an almost daily thing. I'm no where near as bad as I was before my sober stint, but I still can't seen to find a reason to stop. I mean, like dmopzz said, no matter what feels good in my life, it's always second best to the feeling i get from doing a nice warm shot of dope. I know a guy that was 9 years clean of all drugs and alcohol and after smoking weed a few times went right back to dope and has been back using for 2 years now. And another dude I knew from hockey in high school started doing dope 12 years ago and used for all 12 years until a month ago he died of a bacteria infection he most likely got from using needless in unsanitary places. Fucking crazy.
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NSADD Moderators: tryptakid
Opioids Chicago dope thread
- Thread starter drunkendJesus
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It kinda scares me to think that even after 5 years clean it's that easy for someone to jump right back into the life. No offense, I'm not talking down about you or anything, it just make me feel hopeless that I'll always be a prisoner to dope no matter how much or how little I use. I was almost 6 months clean and dove right back in. Just using a little here and there at first but eventually back to an almost daily thing. I'm no where near as bad as I was before my sober stint, but I still can't seen to find a reason to stop. I mean, like dmopzz said, no matter what feels good in my life, it's always second best to the feeling i get from doing a nice warm shot of dope. I know a guy that was 9 years clean of all drugs and alcohol and after smoking weed a few times went right back to dope and has been back using for 2 years now. And another dude I knew from hockey in high school started doing dope 12 years ago and used for all 12 years until a month ago he died of a bacteria infection he most likely got from using needless in unsanitary places. Fucking crazy. 
Just like riding a bike eh? Fuuuuuck..musicinmyveins
Bluelighter
Woosa....it's easy AF to jump right back to this life!! Even after 5 years of clean time!!! Don't matter if u have 7 days or 7 years!
Dmopzz....yes! You're so right....just like riding a bike, you never forget and no matter how many years have gone by, you still can jump right back on a bike and keep riding like you never took a breakNew to blue light, not too chicago though. Does anyone know if there are any other chicago threads on diesel or is this the one and only?? Don't want to be postin up if there happens to be a better forum. Specific topics such as quality of life, the daily routines, basically a spot wherr people that luve this life in chicago can discuss the many things we can not discuss with "civilians"....
Bigsammy610
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2015
- Messages
- 166
Does it really mean somebody is "mentally weak" to want to off themselves on day 2 of a kick?
Well shit, if thinking about offing yourself during withdrawal is terrible?..how on earth am I still alive? Haha. Be safe all.MadeInChicago
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2016
- Messages
- 264
Finally someone is on board with Chicago BL'ers. We've kind of been talking about quality of life lately. How about daily routines u guys. Ill start it off.
I try to reup before I run completely out that way theres a buffer for all the bulls*** that comes with the territory. When low on funds though theres no choice.
EAST COAST IS THE BEST BABY!Quality of life while using: extraordinarily poor as of late. While not using: still poor, but much 'better'. There is a lot of fear. Who am I, what have I done with my life... what serious damage, is this even repairable, how do I LIVE,...etc.
I have 13 days off h. Just smoked the last of my weed. Lost my benzo connect. Im feeling fear about those things right now. How will I deal with daily living without the crutches of herb and kpins. Depression hovers within. I need fulfillment.Well couple things... first, i am from nyc so i know how u feel madeinchicago. Spent as muxh time on 123rd and lex as do these days on "the west side") did the whole philly thing when it was too dry in harlem. Bundles not jabs right? ? ; )The worst time anyone can be coppin is when they out of d. And god forbid u sick or starting to come illl. Because all of a sudden all those small things thatd normally tell u to turn around or not walk on the block because its not worth the chance of getting popped are suddenly worth the chance to get straight as soon as possible. I personally have never been popped when i was straight.
Weird thing is that there isn't anything worse then kicking D. Except of course, doing it in lock up. Still, somehow, people will take that chance in that moment...Couple other things... im just kinda jump in and respond to everyone like i been around for more than a day..... to the guy who been clean, no diesel for 12 days.
Man you are in a spot where you can actually make a decision based on what you want emotionally rather than a spot where you cant even get out of bed cause you are so ILL. You still got to deal with all the neglected and backed up'd emotions that have been shoved into a dark drawer some where. But you can do that without being sick on top of it all. My words, and god i wish i followed them. .. what do you want or where would you like to see youraelf in next 5 years? Forget about all the shit you have fucked up and all the bridges you have burnt in the past. Now, can you be where you would like to be if you are still using? I am sorry if coming off to assuming, just kills me to see someone who actually has CHOICES and not see how incredible and rare that at is... stick with it man, you have had the courage and strength to get where you at now, dont stop. Please. Nothing good comes from falling back into this life.
I mean, deep down, I know it is. I just like to believe that after so many years you so thinking about getting high. It terrifies me to think that of I air now, in 5 years I'll still be having to make the decision whether to get high or not. Because I always choose getting high.Man i dont think any of us will ever be able to completely forget about the relief this substance gives us. And if all the other reasons people give us to live a sober life, to start and have a family, get our career on point, accomplish goals, and fuck it, even stay out of jail dont work, hows this? You want to be that 55 year old junkie on the train thats only got 4 bucks and needs 1 more dollar to cop a nickle off the block?
Think about how that guy feels when he is at home after a day of scheming. Wait, sorry, he doesnt have a home. He is sleeping under the express way up on fullerton with all the others that have no homes. Thats reality. He cant change anything now. He is done. So unless you are almost hittin 50s man you still got time to do and grab every single one of those things you wanted to do with your life before we started getting high.Sorry Woosa this aint a therapy blog, my bad. But when i see someone thats got some momentum built up and a chance to get over that hill once and for all i try to give em a push. No matter who they is. I dont wish this life on anyone. That being said... has anyone in hear seen that Naked Lady that runs around out west? Shes fire right now. Taken her home almost every single day last few months. So good.MadeInChicago
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2016
- Messages
- 264
Made me cringe man lol. Very bad situation and even worse feeling lol. Kicking in jail is hell on earth no exaggeration. Give me a weapon & u have over a 50% success rate in me probably hurting/killing myself in that situation.
I just kicked in jail last July and spent 4 more months in that shit hole, but to be honest, imo, my kick in jail was the mildest kick I've ever experienced. And my habit was very hefty at that time, between 2-3 jabs a day. Idk if it was knowing I couldn't get anything, or survival instinct kicking in and telling my body laying around in here miserable isn't going to cut it. But either way I was grateful not feeling like a piece of dog shit that had been put in a bag and lit on for to be stomped on, lol.
I'm a little older, not 50 yet, but well over half way there. And I know what I need to do to quit, but to be honest, besides a little bit of legal issues from a possession charge, I haven't experienced any really bad consequences due to my dope use. I have my own home (pay mortgage), my own truck that is pay off in full, I was married with a daughter but now divorced not because of my dope use as I didn't start using until after I was divorced, and my daughter is deceased. And I have a great career that I love and make great money doing. And no matter how bad of a habit I've had/have, I always make sure my bills are paid before I spend money on dope. There have been a couple times I've had to tough through a few days of withdrawals because I paid my mortgage over buying dope. It doesn't happen to often because when I'm working I make more than enough to support myself and my habit while still saving a little money on the side. But i work construction and get laid off for a few months in the winter and the last month or so money starts to get tight. I'm not trying to brag or anything, I'm just saying, the only thing i hate about dope is how i have to have it in order to function without feeling like shit. But other than that i love dope and don't see any reason too quit. I'll think about it sometimes, but then I'll ask myself why do i want to quit? Because society looks down upon dope users. But why quit if I can use and feel great and it isn't affecting my life in a big negative way. Like I said the only negative in my eyes is the dependency.Last edited:Sleeptodream27
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Apr 10, 2016
- Messages
- 20
Hey all! Brand new here. Hoping this is an ok question, but what does it mean when the dealers point at their packs of cigarettes here on the west side? Copped for the first time the other day, and I must've had like 8 guys do this.
