~Cherub's Corner~ ::Soulmates are to you?::

[cherub]

~Changes in You~


I am gona let you in on alittle story for those who only know me as of now.
Some Old Skoolers on Bl have met with me in the past know some part about me and my Past.
The picture you see above is me now. Picture below is now almost 2 yrs old yes that was me.

Tomorrow I leave on a flight to go back home after 6 yrs.
Only one person knows I am coming back and that is my best friend.
I have business to Finish up. Some that is going to be a bit of drama.

But here is my Thought for you.

Is Revenge sweeter by not saying nothing at all and just being the New you ?

I have searched over and over lately how to handle certain situations that will be coming at me.

1) My bestfriend feels that I need to state my peace to the people who have betrayed me in the past.

2)Me showing up looking better then ever and smiling with out a word might be just good enough for them to have a heart attack alone.
"LIFE IS GOOD NOW ATTITUDE" should state it all.

The changes in our life also can great some questions of how to handle the past.

Any stories or Ideas?

Take care all of you for the next week.
can't wait to here your thoughts on this !

 

[SugarCandy]

I broke off one of the most intense relationships of my life almost two years ago. We had been seperated for 6 months and were still acting foolishly and like we were going out. I decided I'd had enough of my weakness and I left to go to a yoga retreat for a month. There my soul was cleansed in so many ways and I came back feeling pure and in tune with myself. When I got back my ex wrote me a ton of e-mails. I responded with one line. I talked to him later and he said that he knew something had changed in me. He was so right. And in his typical fashion he was jealous of this change and hurtful in his jealousy. But for the first time in a painfully long 2 years I was able to walk away from his attempts at hurting me. I was finally free...and he knew it and it felt so good...though from the e-mails I got from him I imagined he was suffering a great deal.

Sugar

Getting sucked into to an issue that is 6 years old may be more painful to your state of mind then it will be comforting.

 

[Chaotic Action Man]

letting go without malice is the sweetest form of revenge, at least for me.

 

[Raz]

^^^^what these two said..

Sometimes we think we've moved on, and we have...but there will be this tiny lingering part of our minds that still need to feel in control of something which hurt us in the past, which still needs validation.

The hardest thing in the world to realise is that sometimes you don't ever get that validation and you'll feel a million times better about yourself if you can just let that go. Even when people are terrible to us and our life is as low as we can imagine it being, we still learn from that.

My advice is to be thankful for the strength and the integrity that you've found inside yourself from those experiences, and close off that part of your life. If even a part of you is concerned with causing some kind of reaction in these people, all that means is that there's still some part of you they can control.

Of course having said that, none of us is the Dalai Lama, and that shit's a lot easier said than done. Whatever you decide, best of luck.

 

[Charlie Brown]

I heard this poem in Patch Adams anyone know who wrote it cos it sounds really cool !!! anyway i only remember a line of it and goes something like....

evertime you close your eyes I fall asleep.
and evertime your hand is on my chest ....something something...

anyone know what it is ?

edit

actually i did a google search and it came up ...amazing!!! best poetry i heard in a while..im sure this guy is famous!

I

do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

 

[jeebus13]

That is one of Pablo Neruda's best sonnets. I have loved it for years and was thrilled to see it in that movie.

Now, about this impending drama, I would say that the best thing you can do is be a mirror for the people that you are returning to. If you show them who you are in the face of who they remember you being they will be forced to evaluate their changes or lack thereof. I would do my best not to be malicious, but don't be afraid of being direct. After all, Closure is more than a sweet song by Chevelle.

 

[Altered_Soul9]

Without my poetry, I would be a hollowed out shell. My poems are my life.

 

[cherub]

NO I AM NOT QUITTING

but now i have your attention::::::::


1)At what point do you give up on a relationship and all it quits?

Alcoholism?

Drug addiction?

Cheating? one night stand, or a hidden relationship.

Deceit?

At what point do you decide there is nothing left?


Is it the events or your heart make things changes ?

2)Can relationships recover from any of the situations above?

This is not personal for me. I am just actually kinda curious.

 

[rewiiired]

When I break off relationships -- be they friednly, intimate, or every concievable combination -- they are most often rather stormy. Relationship in the past have broken off mostly because the people I've felt very close to have not been honest with me for years as to how they percieved me, and then all of a sudden lashed out. So I guess trust and honesty are big issues with me. I don't think anyone should have to change for anyone else; i don't expect peopl to change for me, and I certainly will not change for them. I think mutual respect can exist between diverse kinds of people, and I think my relationships have been proof of that. I am an often-outspoken atheist, yet 've been
friends with Christians and people of various religious persuasions all my life. Many people commented in high school on my circle of friends, and how unlikely it was that all of us could band together, as we were all so different.

Control is always an issue in a relationship -- I say no one controls the other, and that trust and mutual respect should be the only rule. When I'm crossed, it's over, period. I'm not a possession, I'm not a dart-board, I'm not a wad of clay to be moulded. I'm not a thing. If respect isn't returned, if someone confuses me being different from them as me being wrong, then fuck it.

So when someone pretends to respect me all those years and suddenly comes out with all this stored-up bullshit that pretty much reveals they've led me to believe a lie all along, that tends to begin a shouting match of some form or flavor that ends the relationship in a very ugly way.

And I don't think I've ever really forgiven. I won't say I haven't, or don't, want to forgive, but it's not an easy thing for me. So I'd say, yes, it's possible to forgive -- but never to forget -- and yet it's got to be a challenge.

 

[neverwas]

1)At what point do you give up on a relationship and all it quits?

At what point do you decide there is nothing left?

Is it the events or your heart make things changes ?

2)Can relationships recover from any of the situations above?

for me personally i (have) to call it quits on any form of relatoinship (be it friends, lovers, family) when i know i have done evreything in my own power to hold things together...

ive been goin through a lot of these things the last few weeks...the whole ending process of life long friends and people who i thought id be friends with forever.

i found that i was the one holding everything together and that i was holding onto bonds and loves that went stale a long time ago and i just never let go of em... there isnt a point where i got to when i decided there as nothing left. it was more of that fact that i couldnt take the hurt of being their friend anymore. the hurt of knowing they didnt care...the hurt of knowing that the people whom i thought cared as much for me as i did them realy didnt. the people i thought were gonna be there in my furture really were not there to begin with.

relationships can recover. friends can drift apart then become friends again. its up to each individual how much the learn from these experiecens though. i have two motos in life and they go like this:

an x is an x for a reason so theres no going back...

and...

when the bad out weights the good...its time to move on and let go.

those two sayings have helped me through somne pretty bad shit.

my friends i have now are awesome people. i have special close ones whom will never leave me and have told me thi s anumber of times. in my hard nights of non sleep they tell me this and it makes me feel at rest cause theres some people i can count on to always be there.

 

[RareForm]

i would simply say that all of the above situations would make a relationship pointless...who the hell wants to go through all that shit.....

 

[cherub]

^^^RareForm,,,,,,,,,,,
i half agree with you, as I see yes that is pointless in the long run if you look at it that way, but MAYBE or you learn from those experiences and choose better wisely next time maybe? Also Cause i do believe that not everyone has a soulmate one and only forever, But I do believe love exist over all,,

One of my bestfriend has been married 13 yrs, over time these two have not had a horrible marriage or ideal, but now at 13 yrs later these two are actually more in love then after they got married in the beginning.

I do understand this is not the norm for all people and you also have the people who will never find that kinda of love, but I think overall bad and good of relathionships it might be a risk but if you find love that is something more then we understand it might be worth it.

Those not all part of our lives are we meant for love either , all people have different view and points on love.

sorry to get off the subject,

 

[cherub]

Soulmates?

So many times you end up with people in your life that you know are suppose to be in your life. Some may not be destined for sexual relations or maybe just a friendship,,,, are these people soulmates?
Can you explain why you have this chemical reaction to them, why you relate to them more then you relate to most people?

Can it be sometimes you just misunderstood the feelings and really they don't feel the same or is there something more?

Do you believe maybe they are from past lives if you choose to believe that theory?

What is your take on soulmates?????

 

[soulfly]

you know? i used to believe in soulmates, and the concept of it all. well, that all changed when that dreaded word "soulmate" was uttered in a love/relationship sense. I had used that word in prior relationships, but only lightly. It was just sort of one of those "puppy love" words that was tossed around entirely too freely.
Well, then i got involved with someone whom i spent three years of my life with. She was everything to me, she was brilliant (and still is to this day, i'm sure). For a period of time, i actually completely bought into the idea that i had found a soulmate. Someone who balanced me out, someone completely opposite who i was but somehow understood me. Even though we haven't had any contact in, wow...a year and a half now, i still believe that she may have been it.
Well, once you label someone your soulmate, i find that you create unrealistic expectations for them. Once you believe in your heart that they are that perfect one for you, you tend to make yourself blind to their shortcomings, out of fear that you may have made a mistake. To never have a soulmate is painful, to honestly believe that you have one, and then to find out that you were wrong, and then have to let go of that feeling...well, that's something else entirely. It's the most helpless and desperate feeling in the world, and i NEVER want to go through that again.

So...these days, i try to take everything with a grain of salt, and not allow myself to make someone into something that they are not. If i 100% believed that my ex was my soulmate, well...today, i 30,000% believe that the concept of having a soulmate it complete bullshit. People are what we make them out to be, whatever suits our emotional needs at that precise moment in time. This is how we screw our lives up, and set ourselves up for heartache time and time again. Most of us spend our entire existences on this planet looking for someone who is perfect for us, and then we can't accept the fact that we all eventually settle for less than that. So, we label the best person we can find our soulmate, and then do whatever we have to in order to reinforce our false beliefs. Like i said before, i'm never going to put myself through that again... maybe i'm just being negative, but i really don't think my heart can take it.

As for non-relationship soulmates...eh...i've been fortunate enough to meet a few people over the course of my life whom i've had a profound mental connection with, and maybe one or two that are spitting images of myself and the way my mind works. Would I classify them as a soulmate? No...not really. I guess to me, a soulmate is someone who would be able to make me happy when everything in the world is crashing down around me. Friends who offer support and comfort are an exremely important part of my life, but i really don't think they fit the definiton of a soulmate...

 

[Mysticalis]

I used to buy into the belief of a "soul mate," that there was always somebody out there meant to be partnered to someone else. But the fact of the matter is that life is too chaotic and ruled too strongly by chance and choice to let such a fragile romantic notion truly exist.

I do believe in making deep, soulful connections with other people, by virtue of the fact that they will always have had that profound impact on your life that makes them an unforgettable part of your past, present, and/or future. However, to limit such a connection to the boundaries of love, romance, and courtship is to set unrealistically lofty expectations and standards on a relationship that, should chance take its course, will crash down in a hailstorm of disappointment, heartache, and seclusion.

Rather than believing in "soul mates," we should believe in the more sensible concept of a "soul family," since, no matter how far apart we all are in relations, we can always trace back to some form of common ancestry. Familial bonds are the strongest.

 

[Raz]

I love this topic...thanks Cherub

I do believe in soulmates, but I don't believe in the cliched "there's one soulmate out there for me, I just have to find him/her"...

Instead, I believe that there are people who can understand pieces of yourself as intimately as if it was them. Two people spring to mind; one is my best friend in the world, and he always knows exactly what I'm thinking, whether I'm hiding something or not, and vice versa. We've been through heaps together, and have made a massive impact on one another's lives. The other is someone who was enormously important to me for months, who for a while was the only person in the world I could relate to because I knew she understood the dark side of me more completely than anyone; the best anyone else could do was know that there was a dark side, but nobody except her knew what it was like to actually be there.

In other ways small and large I've met people whom I've made that connection with, but it's usually something which is there while it's needed then goes away...the memory is always nice, but once we've fulfilled each other's needs we move on.

I like the "soul family" idea...all of us are bonded on some level or another, it's just that sometimes we're lucky enough to meet the person who we connect with at that time and place.

 

[E-girl]

good topic.

Well, before you can answer the question, you kind of have to sit down and define the word "soulmate" first -- and what it is to you.

Over the years, its one of those words where you find the meaning changes. Based on experience, you formulate the definition over time and time again. So rather than calling it bullshit -- like fate, or destiny -- i call it -- well, something you create and build over time.

I believe the existence of a soul mate in one's life differs from the person they are destined to end up with -- assuming you agree that both destiny and soulmates are real things (and i do). I think its possible you can end up with your soulmate romantically. But i beleive its even more possible that you dont. I dont believe they are one and the same.

Twice in my life -- i thought i had found my soulmate -- that person who, to me, had a significant bearing on my life that no one else would ever have -- the ability to know me and understand me in ways that no one else could -- and who would be there til the end, even if not near by... and who would regard me as the same. Sometimes I still think of them that way... and its nice to think they could still fit the temporary position ... but my real soulmate? I think that person might still be out there.

There was someone though -- who touched me more deeply than any person ever had. And in times when i couldn't trust anyone, i put all my trust into a stranger i had never met. This person made me realize things about myself that i had been blind to recognize. They gave me hope when it was all in the world that i wanted. They tried to open my eyes to the truth about a lot of things. And he never gave up on me. Is it any surprise that i fell in love with a person like that? No. it was inevitable. But like any thing in life that seems to perfect to work out, I fell in love at the wrong time. And way too long after the fact i had my chance to see if it was something that could be woken up again in my heart -- and i made the choice to let it go. I would do a lot of things different if i could turn back time, but knowing that i cant, i'm forced to hang onto old memories. And those memories make me think he really WAS my soulmate. And it was just everything else that happened in both our lives to mess it up.

The other person i thought was my soulmate was my ex -- who we all know and hate. That was just so many little understood things between us, that i still to this day think only he and i could have together - and sometimes out of the blue something will happen and i'll think of him and how only he would understand it..... but he was just too big an asshole to give that title to. and i wont.

Soulmates are nice to believe in. I believe that we dont really know until the end of our lives, who that person ended up being. You have to kind of experience the big picture first, and then decide. But along the way, all the prospects make you appreciate those people more.

 

[cherub]

So many great responses,, it is funny to read how everyone associates the word and there past have a play in that. Life seems to change our perception of how we relate to words i notice that from the different replies.

I think i believed as a child of "soulmate" as that special someone my prince charming, my night and shinning armor. That it was meant for only one person in my life.

I don't feel that now,,,,, but even as I grew up and through the years My idealism of what soulmates is or if they exist have changed.

I like what mysticalis had to say as in "Soul Family" I have people in my life and have been in my life that not only do i feel are my "soulmates" though i dont feel they are meant to be "one and only" "love of my life" one is a female. Though i tend to bond with males more. I have like a level of friendship with the people i care about. I do have people in my life i have a chemical reaction, emotionally, intectually, physically, mentally. I consider these people who can comepletely become on the same level of as me as soulmates. I don't even have enough to count on one hand but they exist.

I understand e-girls comment that we may never know for sure until the "time" of questions to be answered but I feel some people are more aware of this then others, for whatever reason or there gentic chemical make up.

The people in my life that i consider soulmates have stood the test of time and respect and trust and faith with me,, i am pretty confident and consider myself lucky except for one which I feel is in my heart but remains to be seen.

I never look for people to be this way in my life I used to But i realize more and more everyday that things happen for a reason and I have no control over the future or who or when i might meet as a soulmate ("soul family" I like that word so much better"thank you mysticalis")

But I do know my "Soul Family" is something i don't take for granted or tarnish it with false ideas. I just stop questioning or analazing it to death and just accept what is.

Loved to hear more from people.

 

[neverwas]

Re: good topic.

nice topic cherub

Well, before you can answer the question, you kind of have to sit down and define the word "soulmate" first -- and what it is to you.

to me the word soulmate isnt about something 'romantic or intimate'. its more about being able to 'grow old' with someone and knowing that they care for you as much as you do them. thats what soulmate is to me. someone whom cherish's my friendship to them as much as i do theirs to me.

so many people come and go from my life and its hard to even begin to build a friendship or form a trust when they come and go so often. i never use to place much emphasis on friends growing up cause i was always the odd duck out. it wasnt untill i was shown how awesome a true friend can be that i realised that i already had a soulmate. i just hadnt found him/her yet.

unfortunantly for me i dont 'bond' well with girls so its pretty easy to say i dont think i will have any female 'soulmates'. i do have girls i am close with...but i dont feel the whole 'soulmate' thing with any of em. who knows maybe i do have a female soulmate out there somewhere and i just havent found her yet...

*shrugs*

if you were to ask me have i found a 'soulmate' if i was to use MY definition of what a 'soulmate' is to me?

id have to say yes. there is one guy whom ive known since earlly last year and hes been thorugh a lot with me. (hes gonna kill me for callin him my soulmate but to me he is)...he has not only been through thick and thin with me but he has built up an amazing fondness in my heart and i know that he will never hurt me. friendship to him is the same as it is to me and he is genuine and caring and when i look in his eyes i can see a mirror of my emotions and feelings.

that person who, to me, had a significant bearing on my life that no one else would ever have -- the ability to know me and understand me in ways that no one else could -- and who would be there til the end, even if not near by... and who would regard me as the same.

the above quote by e-girl is what a solumate is to me...and im glad ive found him.

i may find more osulmates...who says it only can be one but untill i do im not gonna stress over not finding the soulmate...cause im quite content with what i have

 

[lost_boi]

I believe we all have soulmates and I believe in past lives. I believe that somewhere in the beginning(whatever and wherever that is/was) we all knew eachother as individual souls all with apath of our own to find or follow and along the way(new lives/reincarnation) we meet new souls all the time. Some of these souls we connect with, maybe because we have some sort of karma with eachother to balance out, in turn making us soul mates in this/that life.
Where we are heading though I do not know.
Just my take on it all.

Hope that makes sense to you all!