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Chemical Kids

f13nd

f13nd

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 9, 2007
Messages
500
Location
Over the stars
chemical_kids_by_Blue_56.jpg

We snorted our dignity through dollar bills
Our only peace was popping pills
Needles hit veins with dead hearts blood
So we'd pump our arms up for some love
Powdered mirrors served for dinner
Glass rose light bulbs she used to shimmer
Sexy shadow mouth glow stick X slide in
Saturated senses tingling chemical kids skin
Strung up and out scarecrow guards our seeds so they grow
Corncob crackpipe and arms tied to a .5 cc post
Under the shadow he casts, our wilted rotten crop
We pick the dead flowers now cuz they're all that we've got
 
Last edited:
arms tied to a .5 cc post <- favorite line

great writing I love it, I'd like too see some more of your work!
do you have a fiction press?
 
Wow what a great poem. I really like what's going on here in terms of the sounds. I think the poem picks up especially after line 4, when the images become more concrete and the phonics take center stage. Two images that jumped out at me were "Powdered mirrors served for dinner" and "Glass rose light bulbs" and the scarecrow. I feel like the scarecrow could be expanded, because it's the only concrete 'character' besides the narrators. I love the sound of "Sexy shadow mouth glow stick X slide in" and "Corncob crackpipe and arms tied to a .5 cc post" (I would drop the 'and' between crackpipe and arms).

I think the ending is a bit of a cop-out tho. At the end the flowers are dead, therefore the poem is dead, therefore it's over. I think a poem like this should end with a moment of action, not reflection, and definitely not things dying. I think you should end it with an image/scene as strong as the preceding ones. Perhaps some catastrophe or some sort of drug-related excess. Maybe even humor.

All in all, nice piece. I'll be thinking bout this one.
 
Thank you for the comment, I actually wrote this in the text box while I was posting one that I had already written a while back because it reminded me of a specific period of time. The scarecrow is the only one who become a solid character because he actually is the only one who never stopped...never changed....never would die. 3 overdoses later...and still "alive" if thats what you want to call him.. The rest of us picked our flowers and let them go...he still keeps growing rotten crops...

I do see your points however, and i think I may edit it.
I have a few like this one, I wrote a lot during cold turkey polydrug abuse withdrawal (by choice)
 
We snorted our dignity through dollar bills
Our only peace was popping pills

this grabbed me
 
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