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Cheating, Where Do You Draw the Line?

tricomb

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If this has already been covered, please link me to that thread so I can shift my shit to it, I'm creating this in the spur of the moment I do not mean to clutter SLR <3

Now, regarding cheating, everyone has different definitions of what infidelity is.

To some, cheating is having vaginal sex with someone else while you're in a monogamous relationship.

This provokes the question.... vaginal? What about anal or oral sex? Or non-penetrative sex, like a hand job?

Let's dig deeper? What about flirting? How far is too far? Cyber sex with someone you've never met? Cyber sex with someone other than your SO, who you know in real life? Dirty texting with people other than your SO?

Kissing?

Where do you draw the line? <3
 
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To me, cheating is sex (anal, oral, vaginal), hand job, etc. Kissing in a sexual way (a peck on the lips/cheek with a good friend or something, not a big deal).
Flirting - that one is kind of tough. In general, I wouldn't be too comfortable with it, but it really depends on the situation.
Cyber sex with someone he/I have never met, I wouldn't consider it "cheating" but I still wouldn't be comfortable with it.
Cyber sexy with someone he/I know, yeah probably cheating.

It's definitely different from person to person, but that's kind of how it is in my opinion and in my relationship. :p
 
Kissing and above is cheating. End of story.
I just find it a lot easier to be in a relationship where all of the above is acceptable.. call it a shallow relationship, but it's the only one that works for me. Jealousy just fucks everything up.
 
I'd much rather be physically cheated on than emotionally.
A partner going behind their partners back and building a stronger relationship with someone else is much more damaging than taking another guys dick in their pussy or whatever.
That's just me though.
 
I'd much rather be physically cheated on than emotionally.
A partner going behind their partners back and building a stronger relationship with someone else is much more damaging than taking another guys dick in their pussy or whatever.
That's just me though.

Nah, I can see your point, but I wouldn't put up with either.
 
if you're in a monogamous. loving relationship..
beyond flirting, it's all cheating.


~token
 
My partners and I don't really do monogamy so this is a moot question for me. Love is limitless and it has a direct relationship with freedom. Telling your partner they can't be with or love someone else is a conditioned love that I ultimately can't tolerate. Just because I am with someone else does not mean my love for any given partner is somehow cheapened. I'm open and honest about all my activities. It's the concealment, lies and deceit that end relationships. IME the philosophy of monogamy is not conducive to full disclosure.

I respect if monogamy works for others but it doesn't work for me.
 
Yeah this only applies to monogamy, I drift between monogamy and polygamy but have been on the monogamous path for a while now.

Just curious -- what has made you drift between the two? I'm in a similar boat right now. (Maybe answering by PM is preferable.)
 
Kissing and above is cheating. But oral/manual/vaginal/anal sex are on the same level for me, while kissing/making out/hard petting/whatever are... I don't know how to say, minor cheating? Cybering is just something I would not be happy about.
Anyway quasi-sex will probably lead to sex afterwards, unless one of the two is just teasing, and I'm not asking my SO to fill a questionnaire after each, uhm, flirtatious session.
 
nothing. I am not monogamous and I really feel I have no right what so ever to tell anyone who they can share affection with, physical, sexual, emotional or otherwise.

Affection and love are among the very, very, few things that make life wonderful, exciting, and something you want to keep being alive for. Not is only is one of the very few, it is imo the very best of those few things. For someone to demand/enforce that another person limits the love and affection they feel and share with the world, is the worst possible crime they can commit AFAIAC. It's simply not right to demand that we reduced our love and affection towards others.
 
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I'd have to agre with Josair and say that kissing or anything beyond would be cheating in my book.

A friend of mine has a really untrustworthy girlfriend. They have an incredibly unhealthy relationship that has been going on for 3 or so years. She beats him up, she has cheated on him, etc. I remember a year in, he tried to say she could only hug guys from the side, not front to front. Strange, I know but he has since given up on that.

One female friend of mine said that her main reason for only having sex in a relationship these days is that she said she use to be slutty and sleep with whoever and she got an STD that way though it was apparently curable. I think that ties into the whole cheating thing. She said she just wants to know that whatever guy she is sleeping with is sleeping with her only and that she can trust him to not give her anything, etc.

Honestly, I wish my current relationship was open because I have a really high sex drive and while she is willing to blow me, she doesn't want to have sex yet since we just became official yesterday. I will absolutely not cheat on her but damn...my sex drive came back with a vengeance after not getting ANY for about a year. It's like I'm randomly horny many times through the day, masturbating helps somewhat but not quite good enough. Still though, she's a sweet girl and while sex with other females would be awesome, I'm not going to do something to break the trust of someone I care about.

But yeah, totally jealous, rangrz! :P
 
I think is a long term relatioship thats loving and etc anything beyond flirting is cheating.
 
i am not in a fully open relationship, but our boundaries are a lot looser than other couples i know. kissing, flirting, dirty texts and such aren't an issue. nor is stuff like sharing a bed, spooning or hand holding.
 
The only definition that matters is the definition that you and your significant other have come to an agreement on. If you have not discussed it and come to an agreement then you need to. If you have discussed it and cannot come to an agreement then I would expect one of you to take advantage of the grey area sooner or later.

If I have to ask myself whether or not something is cheating then I know I shouldn’t do it. If I would have a problem telling my wife about something I am going to do with a member of the sex I am attracted to then I probably shouldn’t be doing it. If I am going to do something that would upset me if my wife did it then I know I shouldn’t. If I am seeking something from someone else that my SO does not provide I owe it to my SO to talk to them BEFORE I act on it. If you don’t have honesty in your relationship then it is worth nothing more than a sack of shit.

As far as I am concerned there is no excuse for cheating, if you don’t respect someone enough to be honest then you owe it to them to end the relationship. If you cannot do that then you deserve whatever heartache and trouble comes up in your life, 10 fold.
 
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