Chasing the white dragon

I'm no longer using meth to get high... I'm using it to feel normal. I've felt this way for a while now. When I take a hit from a pipe, I don't get the same euphoria that I used to. It just wakes me up like a loud alarm clock inside my head, so I can face the world and do my daily things. Without meth, there is no alarm clock inside my head. Even though I'm awake, it feels as if I'm still asleep... I'm tired, unmotivated, apathetic, and unable to enjoy life.

I want to feel the rush and the euphoria again from when I first started using, but I know that's unlikely to happen. I need more and more just to achieve the same effect. I smoked a gram today and it didn't do much except wake me up and give me an energy boost. It's keeping me awake too... it's now 1:30am and I can't sleep, despite taking a large cocktail of major and minor tranquilizers. I'm chasing that white smoky dragon, but it's flying away and leaving me behind.

 

I'll take a puff please...

peace,
seedlesss

 

^ It's mine. You can't have any.

 

P

This is the same thing that happened to me when I was using heroin too much, and it was for the better that I gave it up.

I know you don't feel right without it, and I know giving it up is not easier said than done.

I think being able to feel normal in life is essential for functioning. Are you trying to cut back? If so that's a good first step.

Take care and have a good one, hope you get some sleep tonight.
CH

 

^ No I'm not trying to cut back. I've tried that in the past, and managed to quit completely for a while, but I couldn't live my life without meth. So I'm back to using pretty heavily. I did get some sleep last night (the first time in a days) with the help of 10mg's haloperidol. Slept for 16 hours straight!

 

LOL man, the number of times I have slept 16 to 24 hours of a day is nearly endless.

Well I'm glad you got some rest P! Sleep is very important, and even on the days I don't use my stimulant ADHD meds I still find it hard to sleep.

I'm about to try to get some sleep now myself. Talk to you later.