Chasing the Horizon.
8/28/04
You're not a rebound,
and you know it, so cut the bullshit.
You're not here to break my fall.
I know you can lift me up, but no,
you've always got to
hold me up and drop me down
breathe your life into me,
then kill me.
Well, I can hold you up
and drop you, too;
all you are to me, I
can be to you.
Do you want me, do you hate me?
Forever ambivalent, my kingdom of
nothing for just a moment of your certainty,
give me just a glimmer of
fucking clarity as charity.
Why are you so afraid of me?
Why are you so scared of me?
I find courage in alcohol:
an all-out-attack, and I felt you
kiss back, I know it's there:
there's no escape now, no way
for you to deny it tonight:
the bubbly beverages bring out
our Shadow-sides and
I heard your sound,
I caught your smile.
But you push away again:
say you don't want this,
you don't want me,
that you can't be with me
right now, that you can't
settle for anything
save for that place where
everything and nothing
blurs into ambivalence.
How I wish I could say to
hell with you, burn the bridges
down and, once and for all,
sever this torturous tie.
Is there a 12-step program
that can lead me away from the
intoxicating, liberating glow
spinning wild in your dark eyes?
I know that this will never end:
and to think I thought this was over.
The tables turned, just for a minute
I won the upper hand,
but the scales, they tipped again:
if only I could weigh you down
or get the world off my back...
I tried to strive for balance here,
but it seems that's
too much to ask.
Now it seems the only way
to get your attention
is to get you jealous again.
It seems that the act of hurting
you, turning my back on you
in all my cold, is the only road to a reaction,
because you only want what you can't get
and you know now that I'd be yours
at the snap of your fingers.
The only way to get out of my role
is to play the part you're playing
and have you play mine.
If only I could turn
my back and run away...
If only I could change the way
I feel when I see your face...
because I hate wanting you,
and I hate playing games
especially the games we play
over and over again:
the ones that have
no hope for resolution:
you're like chasing the horizon, dear,
like chasing the fucking horizon.
8/28/04
You're not a rebound,
and you know it, so cut the bullshit.
You're not here to break my fall.
I know you can lift me up, but no,
you've always got to
hold me up and drop me down
breathe your life into me,
then kill me.
Well, I can hold you up
and drop you, too;
all you are to me, I
can be to you.
Do you want me, do you hate me?
Forever ambivalent, my kingdom of
nothing for just a moment of your certainty,
give me just a glimmer of
fucking clarity as charity.
Why are you so afraid of me?
Why are you so scared of me?
I find courage in alcohol:
an all-out-attack, and I felt you
kiss back, I know it's there:
there's no escape now, no way
for you to deny it tonight:
the bubbly beverages bring out
our Shadow-sides and
I heard your sound,
I caught your smile.
But you push away again:
say you don't want this,
you don't want me,
that you can't be with me
right now, that you can't
settle for anything
save for that place where
everything and nothing
blurs into ambivalence.
How I wish I could say to
hell with you, burn the bridges
down and, once and for all,
sever this torturous tie.
Is there a 12-step program
that can lead me away from the
intoxicating, liberating glow
spinning wild in your dark eyes?
I know that this will never end:
and to think I thought this was over.
The tables turned, just for a minute
I won the upper hand,
but the scales, they tipped again:
if only I could weigh you down
or get the world off my back...
I tried to strive for balance here,
but it seems that's
too much to ask.
Now it seems the only way
to get your attention
is to get you jealous again.
It seems that the act of hurting
you, turning my back on you
in all my cold, is the only road to a reaction,
because you only want what you can't get
and you know now that I'd be yours
at the snap of your fingers.
The only way to get out of my role
is to play the part you're playing
and have you play mine.
If only I could turn
my back and run away...
If only I could change the way
I feel when I see your face...
because I hate wanting you,
and I hate playing games
especially the games we play
over and over again:
the ones that have
no hope for resolution:
you're like chasing the horizon, dear,
like chasing the fucking horizon.
