It's been a long time since I've had any kind of recreational experience from substances. This is depressing considering how much shit I get through. It's all about maintenance now. When did I become so high maintenance?
Scripted medications and other self-prescribed 'meds' have become non-optional crutches without which I can't get through a single day. And it's not like I'm doing amazing things with my days, either. Just getting by.
When I get to know people a bit and mention that I'm taking this or that, they look at me with an expression of wondrous curiosity as if I'm a party lovin' free spirit who does what he wants and says 'fuck tha man!'. But it's not like that at all.
I started drinking, smoking weed, and generally taking whatever pills (downers and painkillers) that I could get my hands on way too young, not because I was a wild rebel or anything. Rather, it's because I always felt out of place.
When I was a little kid, I sometimes flipped out over stupid shit. I busted up my favourite bike with a baseball bat, or scratched my skin bloody with my hands. Why? I still don't know.
Maybe I'm possessed or something.. hehehe
Now, in my mid-thirties, I still feel out of place. But I don't scratch myself (or anyone else!) or break things anymore... so that's a start!
To quote the Grateful Dead: "What a long, strange trip it's been"
<end communication>
Scripted medications and other self-prescribed 'meds' have become non-optional crutches without which I can't get through a single day. And it's not like I'm doing amazing things with my days, either. Just getting by.
When I get to know people a bit and mention that I'm taking this or that, they look at me with an expression of wondrous curiosity as if I'm a party lovin' free spirit who does what he wants and says 'fuck tha man!'. But it's not like that at all.
I started drinking, smoking weed, and generally taking whatever pills (downers and painkillers) that I could get my hands on way too young, not because I was a wild rebel or anything. Rather, it's because I always felt out of place.
When I was a little kid, I sometimes flipped out over stupid shit. I busted up my favourite bike with a baseball bat, or scratched my skin bloody with my hands. Why? I still don't know.
Maybe I'm possessed or something.. hehehe
Now, in my mid-thirties, I still feel out of place. But I don't scratch myself (or anyone else!) or break things anymore... so that's a start!
To quote the Grateful Dead: "What a long, strange trip it's been"
<end communication>