Chapter II: The Abyss is Eternal !

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sad

need moral support [don't i always]

when everything good happens bad things happen too
this should be the time of my life
and it's just been a continual monumental failure one thing after the other
life is my coffin and it's time to close the lid
 
Captain.Heroin said:
sad

need moral support [don't i always]

when everything good happens bad things happen too
this should be the time of my life
and it's just been a continual monumental failure one thing after the other
life is my coffin and it's time to close the lid
Click to expand...

We all need moral support, you know. Don't be an emotional tampon, that's the mistake of many ppl trying to help others, help yourself before you wanna help others. There are people out there, who never heard ''Everything will be ok''.
 
Shady's Fox said:
We all need moral support, you know. Don't be an emotional tampon, that's the mistake of many ppl trying to help others, help yourself before you wanna help others. There are people out there, who never heard ''Everything will be ok''.
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indeed shady i am not trying to be

i just have more on my plate bumming me out

i think putting on a dishonestly brave face is worse than being emotionally honest with yourself about how you feel

just saying

asking for help is better than getting worse because of being too proud to ask for help, a lesson i have learned painfully
 
The Wizard of the Creek said:
Incorrect, a life full and beautifully living mr @Captain.Heroin sir!

fuckn’ believe that shit dude!

—Wizard
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I should be thankful for what I have
but as an absurdist I tend to reject the value of life
an inherent assumption apparent in most western thinkers
if life matters tell me why, exactly, no one has, no one can
it's the MOOing and BAAing of the masses
people zonked out on heroin, cannabis
I was too sober even on these drugs
 
if life had meaning
a value
i would have felt it
i'd have known, realized it by now
everyone would for we are all doing it
it is meaningless, no one has the answers, an explanation
religious people will point to the bible; a thousand page long sleeping pill
I need my hypnotic benzos that shit doesn't work on me
 
The Wizard of the Creek said:
That’s wonderful and thank you for that, but truth be told, you just may have stubbled on something important: this is that again,

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dealing with nihilism by ignorance is not an explanation for absurdism

i am stuck searching for something I know I am bound to never find

like love

it's an addiction, a compulsion and I'm sickened by it and I want out

I am sure many of you have things in your lives that make it worthwhile
partners, kids, I don't have things like that
I've lost too much too quickly and it's made me realize how badly I don't want to suffer anymore by wanting things or by regretting loss
I seemingly cannot accept loss in the same way others can and it's slowly destroying me
 
i have come to understand there are many things not right with my brain due to at least one neurological disease and the best i can do is to not come off as a fucking ingrate but I realize that's how I come off every day and I'm not a fan of it either

if i was anyone else observing me i'd be like SHUT UP BUTTERCUP THAT PITY PARTY IS COCK REPELLENT

but um

I can't even take my own advice/observations

"stuck in self"

this is probably why people think ketamine helps with depression

I don't even think I would want to do that right now -.-
 
btw no one likes a debbie downer
this is why I NEED my downers so I can make that frown turn upside down
but do THE DEMOCRATS care to give me benzos NOPE lol

old ppl not getting the covid in their last year of life is way more important than me getting mental health meds, somehow

even though they should just mail them to 'murrkans to make them bzd's out and complacent i.e. RUSSIA and i would be totally ok but nooOOoOOOoooo

cure worse than the memes etc

republicans are killing us all
 
Captain.Heroin said:
i'm beginning to think my suicidal thinking and self-hating shit is probably due to not having mental health meds and I cannot realize that because i'm stupid and stuck in self
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Yesterday my wife showed me an article, I didn't care to look but she said, ok I will send it on wapp, I know you will find interesting enough. And, I did -- this was their last fingerprint

///=====///////

“I cannot tolerate the idea that somebody could hurt you because of what I did, I prefer that we leave and forget this world. I have no hope, I have been defeated and humiliated. The man who told me he loved me left me alone, very alone. They all left me with nothing, everything I worked for, everything I lived for, all I loved, all I gave, it was snatched away in an instant. My mistake was to trust the wrong people. I failed the person I love most in my life, I cannot afford to pay for his studies, I do not even have enough money to give him hot food. I have placed him in danger and I am sorry for failing you, son. Every day is more difficult and filled with threats, debt, and lack of love. I cannot do it anymore. I will be told I am a coward, but only God knows the distress of being terrified that someone will hurt you because of me. If only somebody could help me, but who can lend me the money or even a home? There is nobody. The world is dangerous and I cannot protect you. Every day is grey. My heart beats with anxiety. I cry with frustration and impotence. I am a loser. This time I will not fail you, my son. Nobody will hurt us anymore.”

Nearly 800,000 people die by suicide.

///=====///////
 
D14b5KL.jpg
 
Shady's Fox said:
Yesterday my wife showed me an article, I didn't care to look but she said, ok I will send it on wapp, I know you will find interesting enough. And, I did -- this was their last fingerprint

///=====///////

“I cannot tolerate the idea that somebody could hurt you because of what I did, I prefer that we leave and forget this world. I have no hope, I have been defeated and humiliated. The man who told me he loved me left me alone, very alone. They all left me with nothing, everything I worked for, everything I lived for, all I loved, all I gave, it was snatched away in an instant. My mistake was to trust the wrong people. I failed the person I love most in my life, I cannot afford to pay for his studies, I do not even have enough money to give him hot food. I have placed him in danger and I am sorry for failing you, son. Every day is more difficult and filled with threats, debt, and lack of love. I cannot do it anymore. I will be told I am a coward, but only God knows the distress of being terrified that someone will hurt you because of me. If only somebody could help me, but who can lend me the money or even a home? There is nobody. The world is dangerous and I cannot protect you. Every day is grey. My heart beats with anxiety. I cry with frustration and impotence. I am a loser. This time I will not fail you, my son. Nobody will hurt us anymore.”

Nearly 800,000 people die by suicide.

///=====///////
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that was so fuckin' long I don't think I can read that

I don't believe in God so this person's plight doesn't really have a lot to do w/ me but thx for sharing i guess shady lots of love
 
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