Changes...

[titania]

something happened today
it'll make me change the way i am
change the way i think forever
i've learnt from this...

tomorrow comes
but i'm just the same
seems that i have forgotten
the lessons of yesterday...

why can't i learn
from the lessons life gives?
why do i still do and think
the things i said i would change?

why do i continue to hurt the people i love?

xxx

 

[cherub]

Alittle motherly advice,,


I know you enough to know you are not a malice person,
we all make mistakes,

I think you get to hard on yourself darlin


I enjoyed reading this but sadden by the thoughts behind it


thinking of you both


love cin

 

[titania]

Thanks Cin,

i just get really frustrated cause it seems that i try to change and get it right for a little while then go straight back doing the things i don't want to...

there were a couple of different things behind this...someone i've known for a long time (my brothers best friend) died on tuesday...he died of cancer with no family around (his parents are dead and his sister is mentally ill) and most of his friends have moved away from our home town...the thing that got me was when i was living there i was never very nice to him...as kids sometimes do, we used to tease him (not to his face...but behind his back)...when i got older i just never really paid him much attention...i ignored the fact that he was a really really good person (and i'm not just saying that because he is dead, but because he was...he gave his whole life to help others) it made me realise again how shallow i've been so many times in my life...and by doing so i could be hurting people and also missing out on getting to know amazing people...

Things keep happening that make me swear that I will never make fun of anyone again or never be horrible to anyone again and then before i know it i'm doing exactly what i said i wouldn't...why is it so hard to be a good person...it's all i want to be...

Another thing that this came from was being grumpy to seuss in the mornings or at night when i can't sleep...he's the most patient amazing wonderful caring person i have ever met...and i hate being grumpy and not nice to him...but i find myself doing it and then promise myself i wont ever again and then the next morning i'm doing it again...it makes me not like myself at all when i'm like this...

Sorry about going off on this rant...i think i just needed to get it out...