cj
Bluelight Crew
Change. It's inevitable so I should just embrace it right? I wish. It's terrifying to me which is odd considering my life was objectively trash until November 8 2019. Everything changed on that night when I met the one. Her the big relationship that will define my life. No pressure Andrew no pressure at all......
So 16 months later I haven't blown it yet. We have walked through hell side by side. Saved each other's life multiple times. Ran cons stolen everything that wasn't tied down everything short of murder. Bonnie and Clyde. We have had the worst fights. Beat the hell out each other I used to judge on that stuff but fuck if I didn't punch you in the face that day. Love is a beautifully dirty emotion.
Through it all she has been the only sure thing in my life. How many other beautiful intelligent ambitious women would of stayed outside in a Minnesota winter?..... Yeah exactly none. Ali did because she is special. She thinks I helped her so she wasn't going to leave me in the lurch. For that she has my undying devotion.
A part of me wants to freeze time right now and just live out today on repeat. Things are just so good right now I worry about a million unlikely scenerios. Mostly I worry I'm not enough. That she is going to realize how much I suck. Crippling self doubt consumes me to the point where I just want to jump off a bridge. But I don't.
I wanted to write something about how I feel in order to speak some truth into the cosmic darkness on the subject of my existence. Instead its 5 am and I'm more confused then before. She is snoring beside me in bed and I just want too freeze this moment. Heaven can't be real because nothing could be better then right now. Damn..........
So 16 months later I haven't blown it yet. We have walked through hell side by side. Saved each other's life multiple times. Ran cons stolen everything that wasn't tied down everything short of murder. Bonnie and Clyde. We have had the worst fights. Beat the hell out each other I used to judge on that stuff but fuck if I didn't punch you in the face that day. Love is a beautifully dirty emotion.
Through it all she has been the only sure thing in my life. How many other beautiful intelligent ambitious women would of stayed outside in a Minnesota winter?..... Yeah exactly none. Ali did because she is special. She thinks I helped her so she wasn't going to leave me in the lurch. For that she has my undying devotion.
A part of me wants to freeze time right now and just live out today on repeat. Things are just so good right now I worry about a million unlikely scenerios. Mostly I worry I'm not enough. That she is going to realize how much I suck. Crippling self doubt consumes me to the point where I just want to jump off a bridge. But I don't.
I wanted to write something about how I feel in order to speak some truth into the cosmic darkness on the subject of my existence. Instead its 5 am and I'm more confused then before. She is snoring beside me in bed and I just want too freeze this moment. Heaven can't be real because nothing could be better then right now. Damn..........
