Challenge for bluelighters in recovery: Learning Assertive Communication

[herbavore]

There is an amazing thing that I feel relates to your idea there. There was a man who would travel with the fairs back in the day and he would run a thing were people would guess the weight of a large object. Of course people would guess all over the place. The amazing thing about what happened is when they took the average of all the guesses it was almost exactly correct. Im talking with in a few pounds of correct on things that weighed thousands of pounds and this same thing happened over and over and over. I often think about this in relation to a thread. We all have our opinions but it seems that the correct answer becomes apparent from what we all post.

I will see if I can dig the story up. and I'm going to check out the link now

I love that story! I have always found that the "middle way" is a good prescription for living. By that I mean to look at things that are polarized, or to look at the far ends of any continuum, and find the kernels of truth in these opposites that have a harmony where they touch in the middle. It is almost bred into us in america to have strident voices that aggressively assert our opposing opinions as fact. The middle way is an act of listening first, letting the strident voice rise up in our heads (if it is there) and then be softened by other perspectives.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Re my original post, I'll add one I noticed from today.

I have oftentimes been very passive-aggressive about communicating in relation to money, particularly mooney's link to my 'illicit drug' use and the needs/wants in regarding it - mostly because I felt like a piece of shit when I was addicted/dependent and doing unethical things to get my drugs. ‘Cleaning-up’ has allowed me to be more aware of this (past, future and present), so I now am able to communicate my wants/needs in relation to money in a way that is not detrimental to others and myself. For example:

My current girl friend and I are now sharing bank accounts and money; what ever I own, she owns and vice-versa. Doing this previously, without it becoming co-dependent, would have been impossible due to my constant requirement to have money to buy drugs – I was often deceptive and lied to others to get money; this was mainly done in a passive-aggressive way, where I would not talk about the drugs the money was for, then be somewhat aggressive in the form of lying when I was not given the money for what I said it was for.

Anyway, I just think that looking at these modelled behavioural aspects of psychology are helpful, and I would like to share them with others to (hopefully) help them in the same way my awareness of them has helped me.

 

[Maya]

^I am with you on this one, I was very irresponsible with money and alcohol was the major money eater on my situation and I do regret that I have wasted so much money on alcohol.

I am lucky to have self control nowadays and I think that with great sense of responsibility it is possible to stay away from drugs/alcohol specially when you are focusing yourself in other things and setting up small goals.