Cbt with an unfamiliar therapist when in a complete meltdown

[Doomed2pain]

I am not looking forward to this session at all, I haven't slept in 72 hours. My pain is just ridiculous and I'm now back to being in a bubble, a bubble filled with ice burns lightning bolts and fire.

I can't cancel, as I had to cancel last weeks appointment due to tests at the drs, and if I keep having to cancel they will withdraw my therapy. I've been waiting for 18 months to get help with this.

She's only ever seen me at my normal level of anxiety. She comes to my home which is happen a good job or I would not be going. I will have to be carried downstairs as I do not feel comfortable seeing a therapist in my bedroom, my safe place.

I have a feeling that this is going to be a completely disaster...

 

[Dave]

If she's good, she'll see that something different will have to be done. Obviously, the focus will be to get you as calm and comfortable as she can, and little else.

I hope that it went well. Did it?

 

[Doomed2pain]

I rang them and we decided that as I was in no fit state to work on the cbt that it wouldn't really be of benefit to me. We are rearranging when this pain relapse goes down abit but I am still working with my work books, keeping my panic diary daily and using my meditation techniques the best that I can.

Had an awful time last night, had a really bad adrenal reaction to the pain and thought I was losing my mind for good, need to maybe review my meds, it's difficult as my conditions bounce off each other and make things worse.

Not feeling as insane today, I managed two hours of sleep in 15 min instalments. My adrenaline's still extremely high though as the pain isn't subsiding at all.

Urgh my brain hurts.

 

[Sappy_6794]

awww *hug* Just try to focus on calming down, and if you meditate, maybe try that? I have no idea what you feel like pain-wise and im probably giving super shitty advice, but i tried : )

 

[Doomed2pain]

I do try my best with meditation, when my pain's back down it helps a lot but when it relapses like tis the only thing I can do is try and keep my brain busy and distract myself. Can't read full books or focus on tv so the interwebz helps tons, articles that I can study etc coz then when I get a bad shock wave I can recover myself then get back to it. If I do that with tv, I have to keep pausing what I'm watching and just get pissed off :/

Thanks for the *hugs*, back at ya

 

[Sappy_6794]

Damn, I imagine that you have reached a new level of being pissed that ive never even imagined was possible : D If i couldnt read a full book, id kill someone haha

 

[Doomed2pain]

Yeh can't read a full book when I'm like this, and I do get ready for throwing things throw the window and going a little Kieth Moon. I've been on left handed throwing sprees before but they tend to result in damage to my property that I then can't replace so stopped doing that now, I'm too poor ha.

 

[swmo]

have you ever tried a pain mgmt / craving suppressant technique called 'flooding'? it's effective, if only temporary. the jist of it is to flood your mind with the minutiae of your surroundings. really put your mind in the middle of it. look at shapes, colors, counts, past uses. also, listen real attentively to sounds of mother nature. what kind of bird was that i heard? i wonder how old it is? what sex? where it lives? just let your mind envelope your surroundings anywhere. the most trivial things make the best distractions. don't focus on any 1 thing very long. 15 seconds, then move to something else. if u're really concentrating, pain / cravings become secondary. i don't have room in my brain for pain or cravings when i'm immersed in my environment.
i hope it works for you.

 

[Doomed2pain]

Yes I have thanks swmo. This is, this is the most intense relapse I have had. I have crps in my right side, so the slightest pressure or temp change causes even more pain. I can't even bathe properly on a good day, it takes me a good 2 hours to get myself cleaned. On a day of a relapse, I can't bathe at all. My mum has to try and help me with bed baths etc.

This is the worst I have been, my throat is raw from all the throwing up from the pain. Not nice. When I'm at my usual 8 the flooding helps a lot though.

I don't remember what it feels like to not be in pain. And ever winter makes the pain worse the following year. And I know that to be true because the first 2 winters I was only on 30/500mg codeine coz I couldn't get a decent dr. I tried all the other stuff like gabapentin, lyrica, amitriptyline, guanthedine nerve blocks etc. But for 18 months I was on minimum amount of opiates.

I just wonder how much longer it can keep getting worse before I end up with brain damage.