I don't write much on here anymore. I have about close to 2 years clean, before that I had about 5 years clean. Lately I've been chipping away using vicodins and suboxone. Yesterday I used heroin for the first time in a long time. It's kinda scary. Today I woke up and I'm really wanting to get high. Ive called all my numbers and no ones doing anything. I'm very scared. This hasn't happened in a while . Ive had thoughts of ridin to the Detroit hood And just asking around : ( . I hope I can stop myself before it gets bad. Sorry for the rant but I had to get it off my chest.
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Caving in
- Thread starter SececaRD
- Start date
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
Is there anything that you wrote on here two years ago that you could go back and read? I imagine that things had gotten pretty bad for you to have gotten sober and stayed that way for two years--maybe seeing your own words about it and reminding yourself of everything that caving will invite back into your life will be enough to get you through today. Then you need to ask why is this coming up now? What is going on in my life that is making me want to use? What else can I do to fix that on a deeper basis?
I hope you can find your balance. Two years is amazing. Do you go to meetings or have any support group for your sobriety?
I hope you can find your balance. Two years is amazing. Do you go to meetings or have any support group for your sobriety?
captaincaveman
Bluelighter
Listen mate, I've been there recently. After sustained periods of sobriety, pressures of life (work in my case) gets to you and you (well I'm talking about me) need to reset yourself. At the moment it sounds like it's pyschological so not too bad. Remember the pain of getting off? Even using subutex is not fun and has a lot of problems itself. If you can't get through to pals (I'm guessing fellowship people) try www.ukna.org they have online meetings. Only takes three days to get hooked so get out while you can!
Think what you've accomplished, loads of clean time. Hats off to that mate. The odd slip is going to happen but don't think that's it I've screwed up so might as well get back in the game. I've had many lapses (don't like the word relapse) but you just pick yourself up and get going. Heroin is a nasty insidious drug and if you let it, will grab everything. Quit while you're ahead and despite this lapse you are clearly well versed in sobriety. Don't slide. PM me if you want as I've been down this road many many times. Still got my job and I see two therapists (one a drug specialist one erm other issues!).
Fight the power! You'll be fine. Just remember three days is when physical addiction kicks in and a whole different ball game (which I'm sure you know). So if you want to chat to someone who has been there many times, shoot us a message
Think what you've accomplished, loads of clean time. Hats off to that mate. The odd slip is going to happen but don't think that's it I've screwed up so might as well get back in the game. I've had many lapses (don't like the word relapse) but you just pick yourself up and get going. Heroin is a nasty insidious drug and if you let it, will grab everything. Quit while you're ahead and despite this lapse you are clearly well versed in sobriety. Don't slide. PM me if you want as I've been down this road many many times. Still got my job and I see two therapists (one a drug specialist one erm other issues!).
Fight the power! You'll be fine. Just remember three days is when physical addiction kicks in and a whole different ball game (which I'm sure you know). So if you want to chat to someone who has been there many times, shoot us a message
tripnotyzm
Bluelighter
Be strong man.
Take a look at the cleanliness you have fought so hard to obtain over the years.
Small slip ups with stuff like heroin happens, but just because you experienced it once again, that doesn't mean you need to continue to break the cycle.
If you are going to use again, try wait a few days at least, or a week.
We both know if you hop on again today you are one large step closer to a bad addiction.
Take a look at the cleanliness you have fought so hard to obtain over the years.
Small slip ups with stuff like heroin happens, but just because you experienced it once again, that doesn't mean you need to continue to break the cycle.
If you are going to use again, try wait a few days at least, or a week.
We both know if you hop on again today you are one large step closer to a bad addiction.
I've been there before and I can reiterate what others have posted. This feeling that you have is not permanent. It will pass, and if you can stay away from the drugs your life will improve. I know it feels like being at the bottom of a deep dark hole but you can stop digging. You have a choice. Things will get better if you take positive action. It might take drastic measures, too... it's no fun checking into detox but you need to evaluate whether you can sustain this alone.
Sepher
Bluelight Crew
SececaRD, I think you're discovering what I believe to be absolutely true, and that is ex-addicts can't chip. Opiates are just too cosy and familiar once you've had a habit, and no matter how much clean time you've got under your belt soon as you start with them again your brain goes into crave mode. Undoes all the hard work you put in getting past the cravings in the first place. Any opiate at all will fire them back up and you're on a slippery slope from that point on. You have to put it down while you still can and get back on track. Continuing with this is likely to only go one way, as you're starting to discover.
What brought the vic and sub use on? Anything in particular trigger it off? 2 years is a long time to be clean to just suddenly decide hey, let's get a shit load of opiates together for a while, that'll be good. What's going on with you lately? Something's started you off again, that much is certain? Think you need to work out what that is if you're gonna put this to bed where it belongs.
What brought the vic and sub use on? Anything in particular trigger it off? 2 years is a long time to be clean to just suddenly decide hey, let's get a shit load of opiates together for a while, that'll be good. What's going on with you lately? Something's started you off again, that much is certain? Think you need to work out what that is if you're gonna put this to bed where it belongs.