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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Caved in at 36 hours. Start over 100%????

I remember making a thread like this a few years back and it was very helpful for me
I think I gave up on that thread as soon as I relapsed
So I give you a lot of credit for coming back and writing about your slip up instead of just either lying or completely disappearing
That shows a lot of commitment so keep at it man and you will succeed
I'm not sure if you post in the getting clean thread in sober living but I like to.and you should also
There's a lot of positive vibes there from bluelighters in the beginning stages of getting clean
Including myself and I am.coming up on 3 months in a week and some change
Looking forward to updating everyone with a positive update helps me want to stay clean
As simple as it sounds I really don't want to let bluelight down
All the best
 
Wow everybody who posted in this thread have made me feel amazing and I will no doubt personally respond to the last few posters when i get home from work because like everyone else their posts are very inspiring and gracious to say the least. Im just on my phone and only have 10 minutes do i thought I'd update and write to others later.

Im at a new 50 hours since i took my last 15mg and I can say the withdrawsls are almost non existant and I feel amazing that i didn't even want to take off from work. I slept 4 hours no rsl that bad and on a scale from 1-10, 10 being the worst im probably a 1-2. :)

I also know im on the other side because i have 2000 in the bank and I have the thoughts of "that was wothdrawal? A couple days im good to go i can do it again"

BUT it wasn't a few days, it started weeks ago before i made this thread being in and out of shittt withdrawals every 36-48 hours so I know not to kid myself of it only being a couple days.

So during this thread i used a 30 after 36 hours. Then a 30 after 72hrs. Then a 15 after 36-48 hours or something and sonething of the likes a week prior to creating this thread.

No doubt im on the other side because in withdrswal you NEED opoates. Im at the point where I don't need them but I just want them.

I'll check back later, sry for the typos im really im a rush

Much love to everyone!!
 
Nice work=D


Looks like your through the physical dependence. I would consider coming up and implementing a plan to treat your addiction.

Addiction Guide
The Brain and Addiction
SMART Recovery (Support Group information and discussion)
Twelve-Step Addiction Recovery Support Groups
Varied Approaches to Addiction Recovery

We can choose never to eat, but we can't choose never to be hungry. We can choose never to drink, but we can't choose never to be thirsty. We can choose not to do the drugs we are addicted to, but we can't choose never to crave.
 
nygiants1313 said:
Wow man it's truly crazy when you hear other people's stories who face the same demons. that most deffinitly rings true about the first couple weeks you go from weaker to stronger IF you don't use its disgusting how the second you feel a little better you think "eh it wasn't that bad" and go use again. It's grossly comical if you know what I mean.
Click to expand...

Yeah it's crazy, literally. The same thought process relentlessly haunted me while I was on opiates (for 10 years, many withdraws). You start to feel better when you're past acute withdrawal and then your addict mind just remembers the good times and you convince yourself to try it "one more time". Addiction makes us somewhat insane I think.

I finally kicked opiates, it's been a year (in a few days) and I have never felt better. :) I've felt good for a long time now too. The first week is the worst, then the weeks after that are shaky because of cravings. The longer you go though, the better it will get, until you realize you're not thinking about opiates all the time. I don't even get cravings anymore personally. You can do it! :)
 
^^^^update :/

Well after 4 days clean and out of the woods a bit, with 2000 grand in the bank and coworkers wanting ne to party Friday night turned in to a destructive 4 day 1000 dollars spent on coke + alcohol + opiates + strippera to a full blown relapse binge that led me to being so ashamed i couldn't log in here to tell you all how i let down everybody :(

The good news is im 72hrs without anything and out of money until next Friday. Im sorry everyone, but ill makecsure to set myself up better next friday for success. I'd type more but im about to go in to work .

To the ppl who PM'd me I will respond in a little bit during th day when I have time.

Shit is wack and can make you fucking insane. Withdrawals are deffinitly the easy part. Thanks again
 
nyg, please don't apologise for anything - this thread has made me realise what a terribly difficult time people have had, and are having dealing with situations like yours. I'm quite sure nobody will 'judge' you, least of all me. Tho only person you might need to apolise to is yourself perhaps, and I sincerely hope you will manage to do that? Your courage and honesty are truly inspirational, and I am sure everyone is rooting for you, probably more than ever.

I am probably the most poorly qualified, and least experienced person here, as I have never faced trouble with anything more than alcohol and a minor 'benzo' problem many years ago myself. I have however undergone the painful task of detoxing a heroin addicted ex- (three times), who went through it all, but slipped up within a week afterwards, despite being one of the toughest, most wilful, determined b**ches I ever knew, and a good friend who lived across the road, and went on rehab for a couple of months - yet slipped up a month later when he decided he deserved a treat one day, which turned out to be his last. I'm not of course mentioning these two to 'put you off', or worry you to encourage abstinence, only to say I know how fiendishly difficult it is - and you don't need reminding of that either!


The trouble is, figuratively speaking, those woods go a long way, and there are nasty little copses and inviting, shady groves all over the place. I don't know if this is good advice, but maybe you can just write this off as a Weekend binge, which almost everyone enjoys now and then, and go back to your 'normal weekly routine', which is now free of drugs. I mean, you've proved you can do it, and done very well - it's only a slip up?


One thing I did give up, long ago, was guilt - no point kicking yourself, I fucked up (many times!) and will learn from it, not kick myself! And shame... a useless, pointless emotion, what's done is done, same thing - try not to do it again, it's in the past....
Still working on worry, that's a tough one...and unfortunately 'weakness' can be too, but it a lot easier to overcome without guilt and shame!

Stay strong and don't forget - you've done it once, and you can and will do it again! All the best to you and your family and friends, you can do this, have faith in yourself? And no more strippers, hangover or not....
 
PS Unless that wasn't an SP, and you still have $1999,000 in the bank, in which case maybe a stripper or two is allright?
 
^^hey thanks so much I'll write more when I get home from work. I had a little 3 day slip of oxys when I went out one night but hey I ended up in a strip club lolol.

I'll be a week clean again in the morning :) only with 6k in the bank that I can't touch haha

Pay day friday i day number 8 will be hard. We'll see thanks again I'll get back later
 
Good luck nyg - you are doing well I reckon? And anticipating possible pitfalls is no bad thing... maybe have a quiet night in, and put it off for another week... or treat yourself to something you don't need or particularly want, but might be distracting fun - like a radio controlled aeroplane?
 
You have been in the right mind frame since I became a member here. Its just a matter of all the tumblers falling into the right sequence, your only 25 man and young enough for this to just be a road bump in the scheme of things although it probably doesn't seem like it now. Having the mind frame is the most important factor in the fight because without it you have no water to pour on the flames. I was very much like you, and I thought I was old as shit at 25, the major reason for feeling that way personally was because I knew I was better than the life I was living. I was too old to be doing the same dumb shit, too old to be an active addict. I was better than having to have an inner battle going on all the time and it made me feel weak. But your stronger than I was because there is no way I would have put the work in if I wasn't either jobless and broke with a major addiction or next to death's door. I would just have a constant inner battle going on inside my head that ruined my 20's.

No matter how much time it takes, you will get there bro. I would bet much sooner than later in your case.

What you said to me, made me take a break on my partying because I knew you were right and that I would eventually go back to opiates if I continued. I can't thank you enough for that!

Take care!!!
 
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