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caught bf whacking it to a pic of my bff-and confusion ensues

The picture probably got him really turned on and he didn't think you'd provide an outlet(you admitted yourself you leave him "hanging" all the time), so he decided to take care of it himself. I don't think that's strange.
 
to answer ur Q, specialr, yes i do think we have more than a physical relationship. far more. i think we get along great in EVERY OTHER WAY. to be totally cliche, he is my best friend.

i love to be with him, talk to him, hang out with him, kiss him and cuddle with him. i just have issues going beyond cuddling. (thats a main reason im seeking counseling. i think my reluctance to engage in sexual activity with him makes me feel insecure) ive told him this many times-ithink its much healtheir for the two of us if he goes and fulfills all of his little fantasies elsewhere, while i get myself together. he doesnt want that. i think it would be so much easier, but i dont want it wither. i want him to be happy. and i think hes staying with me because it makes him happy. i cant imagine not being able to have the kissing, cuddling, joking around, talking, etc. with him anymore.

i hesistate to get so angry at him. i do consider myself pretty laid back and i dont mind that he looks at porn. i understand that and ive accepted hes gotta do what hes gotta do. i attribute his strong sex drive to his age, and i hope we can even out eventually.

what made me angry is that he finds someone else attractive. again superficial bullshit i know. but ladies tell me, doesnt every girl want to feel like she is the only desirable person to her significant other??

btw, i would never tell her because i know it would embarass him and im not out for revenge. i think he may already be embarassed that i caught him. i dont feel like he did it with maliaicous intentions. i think he couldnt help himself, not that it makes the situation any better . its actually alarming that he couldnt control it, but i do think he is genuinely sorry about what he did
 
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but ladies tell me, doesnt every girl want to feel like she is the only desirable person to her significant other??
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No, not the ONLY desirable person...that seems quite illogical to me. Do you honestly think he should not find anyone else in the world attractive?
 
realistically i know im not the only girl he finds attractive and i realize that its only normal to find others attractive. its not a big deal. my big problem is my own insecurity. i also feel like desperation caused him to do soething stupid (by doing it in a place where he could easily get caught) and that if desperate enough, i cannot completely trust him to control himself when it comes to actual women, not just pics.

but i think its okay. thanks for your inputs, guys!
 
supertrav77 said:
Is your friend hot?
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Exactly same thing I thought.,, Cmon if you wouldnt get mad at him for wackin to a porno then youshouldnt get mad for with him because he got his jollys of of her. The fact is that im 99.99% sure that your friend is hot and that skanky pic made her hotter. So just because shes your friend doesnt mean she aint hot. Just like he would have jacked off from a porno its the same thing from jackin off from a pic of your friend cuz she is hot. Its just a fantasy just like jacckin off from a porno. So NO dont be mad at him its not like hes gona break up with you to go with her. Its just a picture and he is a guy who is horny. NOw if he was jackin off and lookin at pics of guys then you should be worried. Make long story short. Your bf jackedoff from the pic cuz she is hot regardless if she was your friend or not. She is obviously HOT and that turned him ON just like a porno will. REmember its just a fantasy dont get so mad at the poor guy.
 
Breaking up with him could be a positive move for 2 reasons:

1) Like everyone else, it doesn't seem like you two are sexually compatible. You already caught him whacking off to your bestfriend, but next time you could walk in on him actually porking some other chick. That feeling you felt when you saw him masturbating to your friend, imagine that, but 10X worse :) I'm not saying he's gonna cheat on you, but he seems to be really horny, and if you aren't up to speed with him(which isn't your fault), what would happen if he were at a party drinking with hot girls surrounding him? Who's to say he'll hold back?

2) You have issues. I have issues...everyone does. But it sounds like you're relying on him to make you happy(correct me if I'm wrong). If that's the case, you need to break up with him immediately. You need to work on your self-esteem and bring that confidence level up, BEFORE entering a relationship. The more you stay in this relationship cause you think it's bringing you happiness, the more chance there is for failure. You need to be happy with yourself, because your happiness really is important in this world :)
 
I do not think it is that strange. Just unfortunate he got caught.

The only way this is complicated at all, is if he LET you catch him as a ploy to pressure you for more sex.

At the age of 52, I try and ask myself this question, whenever someone upsets or angers me, " Would I be upset / angry if I had NOT found out about this event"? -- "Is there really any damage, or is it just my ego speaking"?

Also getting "caught" masterbating may seem serious to you, but it is NOT a big deal to most guys -- more of an inconvenience.
 
So all you people saying she shouldn't have a problem with it would be totally OK if you came home and found your SO getting off with a picture of your best friend, or sister, or brother, or father, or mother in front of them. That's fine and dandy by you is it?

I'm pretty open minded but that is not OK with me at all. I'm not out to play thought police, but I just wouldn't feel comfortable in a relationship again after walking in on something like that. The ick factor is way too huge. Casual acquaintance maybe, but best friend. No. Just. Not. Cool.

Stop being so nice about trying to break up with this guy, because that's what you are trying to do anyway. You're telling yourself you're doing it for him so he won't be tied to a not so sexual relationship but I think deep down inside you know that he's a bit of a jerk, despite him being fun to be around sometimes.

Right now I think the biggest indicator of your self-esteem issues is your inability to break off this relationship that's doing you no good at all. Dump him, dump him today. Don't let him talk you out of it.
 
I think what is most disturbing to the OP is the fact after 20+ minutes he was yanking it, in her room, to a pic of her friend! correct me if Im wrong


If I had a friend who told me he was caught doing that under theses circumstances, I would of laughed my head off, then after that was over I would of felt a little odd and asked, WTF, why couldnt you of waited... Or if you just had to why not go back to the page later after you have left.

Im sorry, I dont remember how long you said you have been with this dude, but if I were you, and it hasnt been that long, an event like this would set off too many alarms and Id be outta there.
 
A work friend told me that a while ago, she started renting out one of her rooms to overseas students. At one point, there was a really cute Asian girl staying with them. One afternoon, she went looking for her husband (they've got 2 kids) and heard a noise at the side of the house. When she went to investigate, she found her husband looking though a crack in the bathroom window at the student who was having a shower at the time, and he was beating off.

She stayed with him...
 
Don't ya just love it when people ask you for help with something bad their partners do, so when you try to tell them your thoughts they start defending their partner no matter what they did? Justifying their actions to themselves and us.

OP, if you're happy then stay with him! Good luck to ya love!
 
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samadhi said:
A work friend told me that a while ago, she started renting out one of her rooms to overseas students. At one point, there was a really cute Asian girl staying with them. One afternoon, she went looking for her husband (they've got 2 kids) and heard a noise at the side of the house. When she went to investigate, she found her husband looking though a crack in the bathroom window at the student who was having a shower at the time, and he was beating off.

She stayed with him...
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Maaaaaaan....... i can't even imagine finding my boyfriend doing something like that. Why these women stay i don't know. I feel sorry for them.
 
WTF? I jerk off to pictures of my girlfriend's friends constantly. Especially pictures of her and her friends together. I jerk off to pictures of every girl I know that I can find a picture of... especially ex's and girls who I've had crushes on or hugged or kissed before.

I jerk off every time someone leaves the room, also. This is what most men do, at least if you consult my circle of friends. I can't count how many times I've been almost caught jerking off to my girlfriend's friends' MySpace photos in the office at work...
 
drugfukkdrockstar said:
Maaaaaaan....... i can't even imagine finding my boyfriend doing something like that. Why these women stay i don't know. I feel sorry for them.
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Uh maybe it's because while jerking off to a young co-ed might be improper for reasons which I don't need to expand on, it doesn't merit having your kids grow up without a father. I mean, if that's the worst of his sins...
 
What else is a man supposed to jerk off to besides a young co-ed?
 
^The man was clearly highly attracted to the young girl if he was doing something as extreme as that, who's to say he didn't fuck her as well? Or at least try to. Trying to is as bad as actually doing it as far as i am concerned.

Once again on this matter you and i will have to agree to disagree, as there has already been a thread about that sort of topic.

Edit: for supertrav.
 
Coolio said:
WTF? I jerk off to pictures of my girlfriend's friends constantly. Especially pictures of her and her friends together. I jerk off to pictures of every girl I know that I can find a picture of... especially ex's and girls who I've had crushes on or hugged or kissed before.

I jerk off every time someone leaves the room, also. This is what most men do, at least if you consult my circle of friends. I can't count how many times I've been almost caught jerking off to my girlfriend's friends' MySpace photos in the office at work...
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I'm sorry, but that's really pathetic. At least jerk off to PORN or something. That's seriously freaky as hell.
 
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