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caught bf whacking it to a pic of my bff-and confusion ensues

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IAmTheWalrus

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
241
weve been dating for over a year and a half. im nineteen. hes twenty one. hes a little sex crazed and im definitely not. so, lots of times i leave him hanging, but that a different story. i think.

so i invited him to my dorm today and we hung out. we were messing around and i showed him my friend's new facebook pic-joking around something along the lines of i should have figured she would come out with a skanky halloween pic, every other girl on the planet has lol. i dont know why i did that. maybe i was subconsciously testing him. he did seem quite interested, which i guess i should have taken as a warning sign.

so i leave my room for twenty minutes to go to the library. i open my door and hes looking at the pic of my friend dressed as a french maid. i didnt even realize he had his pants down until after i asked him what the fuck he was doing. he started apologizing and i started crying. i wouldnt let him touch me, i just kept bawling my eyes out.

when i was done crying (really after about probably not even five minutes), i started getting pissed. i was pissed that he would do that in my room on my computer to my friend. mean he could have easily looked at any other pics on the internet-why did it have to be one of my friends?

i guess its fair to include the fact that i already have insecurity issues, never thinking im smart enough or pretty enough (which i know is superficial bullshit, but i cant help it). when my bf and i first started dating, i had serious fears about him leaving me for her. it always seemed to me that her and my bf had more in common anyways.

but anyways, im not really sure how to feel now. i realize i should accept some responsibility for showing him the pic in the first place, and never giving him any loving :). but, i also feel disrespected and unwanted. part of me wants to be pissed at her for putting pics like that up, but i know thats pure jealousy at its worst.

the only thing i know is that im in serious need of feedback.

oh and i plan on calling tomorrow to make an appointment to speak with a counselor.
 
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as a particulary horny, fairly young male, this is very strange.
Either you're really not giving him enough (which i seriously doubt, because any should prevent something like this), or you've got one of the horniest people i've ever heard of on your hands.
not sure what you can do about it tho, since cutting him off from sex would probably make things much worse...
 
Yeah , this is a very strange situation...

Even if you are completely depriving him of sex, then he should really take that up with you if it's that bad to the point where he loses himself like that when he sees a picture of a pretty girl....

I would be concerned if i were you. Personally, i would have probably told him to get the fuck out.

I couldn't care less if i found my boyfriend wanking to porn, but to a pic of your friend...? That's just wrong. How does he expect you to trust him after that.

And why do you feel you need to seek a counsellor? Has he somehow convinced you that this is all your fault or something?

You're only 19. You may become more sexual with age, so you certainly don't need to be with someone like him. If he was like that with your friends pic on facebook, how do you think he is going to be around her when he finally meets her? I see much future misery if you stay with this guy. I think he is the one needing the counsellor.
 
i didnt mean to insinuate i was going to see a counselor just bc of this. trust me i was fucked up long before he showed up lol (and thats part of the reason he is sex deprived, plus i had a crazy family life and insecurity issues,etc.) ive been thinking about this for a while, im now finally convinced it needsto get done.

besides sex, we do have a very good relationship. we have a blast together and i love him to death. i feel like werepretty honest and that we feel the same way about each other. we discuss our problems openly and calmly. and even though im only 19, i spent my senior year of high school living with him in our apartment. so i have alot invested in him. seeing him in front of that screen gave me a taste of what it would feel like for him to cheat on me, or what would happen if we just broke up in general. but i am concerned that h cant control himself an desperation will drive him to do something much worse. plus i feel like me not giving him sex isnt fair to him and he needs to go out and be a young man while i figure myself out.
 
You guys really think this is weird?

I would be masterbating to your hot friend in a maids outfit too-especially if i knew her and already thought she was hot.

But i guess thats just me...and yes I am perverted I know this but so are a lot of people and your boyfriend sure is and you're not so i hate to break it you but i dont think the two of you are going to be very compatible
 
Well there ya go, you answered it yourself then.

Don't be envious of your friend now because of this, it isn't her fault.
 
LoveAlways said:
You guys really think this is weird?
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I think it's pretty weird he did it at a time where he could have very easily been caught. Maybe it was a plan.... sometimes people play fucked up games like that to get a reaction. It sure has been done to me in the past (nothing like that, but weird hurtful games in general)

I feel he should have waited till he was alone at home and just fantasized about the friend. Not done it there and then with his girlfriend just ducking out of the room. Where did he expect to blow his load? All over the keyboard? :\ Seriously there is a time and a place.
 
^yeah.
the fact that he could look up her facebook at home alone means one of three things to me

1. whacking has become a serious problem he can't control
or
2. maybe he's really into the whole risk of getting caught thing (like fucking in a car in a busy parking lot).
or
3. like rockstar said, maybe it was just some incredibly fucked up way of letting you know he's into your friend
 
Uh huh.
And if it was a matter of :
igotthatwork said:
or
2. maybe he's really into the whole risk of getting caught thing (like fucking in a car in a busy parking lot).
Click to expand...

Then that also to me is a big warning sign that there will much much more and worse heartache ahead of you. You think that was bad, imagine if you ducked out of a room and left him there with a good looking girl, and you came back to find him banging her on the computer desk... nasty thought, huh? :|
 
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Stop putting yourself down like this is somewhat your fault. It's not, so you have some issues, the main thing is your working on them so don't blame yourself for all the faults in him or your relationship and don't take responsibility for anything that isn't your fault, that is going to make things worse for yourself and perhaps create issues that weren't there to begin with. When seeking help, make sure you're doing it for your sake :)

No matter how sex crazed he is, i think that behaviour is kind of pathetic :\ By that i mean batting off to YOUR friend at YOUR computer.. Your his girlfriend ffs.. If his not happy with the sex life then i could think of plenty of other, more respectful way's he could be coping!
 
u shud , he will feel embarrased, and then he will never jerk off to any of his girlfriend/friends BFF's ever again!
 
LoveAlways said:
You guys really think this is weird?

I would be masterbating to your hot friend in a maids outfit too-especially if i knew her and already thought she was hot.

But i guess thats just me...and yes I am perverted I know this but so are a lot of people and your boyfriend sure is and you're not so i hate to break it you but i dont think the two of you are going to be very compatible
Click to expand...

I agree. I don't find this that weird at all. I also do not think that the OP and the BF are compatible. BBF? Are you in highschool or something? Last time I saw that term was in the Kelly video where she sings "Let me borrow that top!" to her neighbor and chaos ensues!

See here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPDl2g8Upvk

Don't feel bad about this at all. Most people masturbate or lust about other people besides their partner(s) and it's human nature to do this. Relax, it's only fantasy.
 
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I am freakin appalled, I am sorry boys and girls.... This isnt a nice thing, there should be some kindof. self honour and not dumbness... I dunno, it just seems kindof wierd to have a boyfriend... go off and smoke his cock to his girls friend... while shes there!!!LORD.

what the fuck is he thinking. sorry... Im not pleased... life please hand me a baton..... so i can smoke him..
 
It's not that weird.... everyone does it, he just got caught. It doesn't mean she's hotter or better or anything like that, guys just beat off over anything with two feet and a heartbeat
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that's great... much more friendly sounding than the 'pulse and a hole' that i've heard muttered =D
 
LoveAlways said:
You guys really think this is weird?

I would be masterbating to your hot friend in a maids outfit too-especially if i knew her and already thought she was hot.

But i guess thats just me...and yes I am perverted I know this but so are a lot of people and your boyfriend sure is and you're not so i hate to break it you but i dont think the two of you are going to be very compatible
Click to expand...

x2 !
 
I think you should get the fuck away from this dude. That's pretty risky what he did. And you're definitely not going to feel like having sex with him now. Like everyone ahead of me said.... you two don't sound compatible. And with all your insecurity issues and problems you're facing, this guy sounds like he's only making it worse. You sound like you need some time to be independent and find your confidence again. You deserve someone that you KNOW is all about YOU, and only YOU. Not worrying if its your best friend.
 
he knew he could of got caught very easy..but still did it.

Its looks like to me he has no respect for you..You should get away from him. If your feeling bad about yourself now and before this happened if you stay with him i feel your going to start feeling alot worse..

nothing against blokes doing that to other pictures on the net..but over your best friend its totally out of order
 
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