I associate Cassiopeia with the number 23. 23, I have in my life, with synchronicity. Connections. Perhaps if I had focus with another number, I'd have focus with that number. Themes, I would and do notice, from time to time. Sometimes I lock onto other numbers, and stories, themes, whathaveyou. They get in my head, and then I seem to see it in other things- reflected in my life, as it goes on. Associations. I have had it happen enough to realize, and to completely challenge, that it is not just, well, something to be downplayed or written off as such-and-such, as so many people have tried to do (and perhaps I have, too). I think there is always more to things. And, perhaps less.
But I don't want to go too deep, or I'll, and kind of already have lost myself, in trying to explain, myself- my mind- my experiences.
But why I associate this number with Cassiopeia? It's shaped like a W. W is the 23rd letter of the alphabet, the one (this one) used most commonly in our world. I don't really see it-and that changing any time soon, but I don't have any idea, ultimately. It could also be said to be shaped like our 13th letter- M. This, for one.
As I am writing this, just now (I had written something and deleted it, and forget what it was... In argument for 23 I know),
A Chantal "aeternus" Merlin added me to her circle on Google+, for some reason.
Her last post is May 23rd. There are a few.
Apparently Gamma Cassiopeia is blue (but might change colors, if I remember right). A blue sub-giant. This is the star that my emotions/thought found a peak in. Like an Ahhhhhh. Wish I could telepathically share it, how I experienced it, and this reflection. Everything good, I wish I could. Right? Yes. But bad, keep hidden. Wish.
I'm always looking for ways to fit in.
This star, it has a companion star, and it is apparently more white-blue. I think I read that. It might be a neutron star. Gamma Cassiopeia is apparently hard to get a good reading on. It's also known to be abnormally magnetic. I am just regurgitating what I remember from skimming earlier, but it's quite oval from it's high speed of rotation, very magnetic, changes temperatures drastically, apparently. From what I remember.
The dream I had years ago... I had a dream years ago that felt real. I found myself in a room, golden/orange/yellow/white with a green cube in the center on a pedestal of sorts. I felt like a child. And I felt like I was in a suggestive state, almost, perhaps hypnotized. Drug-like. Half asleep. And psychedelic-like at times.
There was a young girl, there with me. But she was my age. Red hair. I had been searching for a red-head previously, in a dream, which flowed into this one.
God I don't want to detail it so much again... I need to sleep.
There was a door-shaped cut in the wall- the vessel. No window, no barrier. I felt I could just fall out, if I stepped too far. It was kind of scary, but cool. Outside, there was space, and from what I saw, two... stars.
In the past I have wondered what these stars were. I have thought they might be Sirius A and B and didn't know where C or .. I don't know. I thought that they might be the Earth and the moon. But I distinctly remember they both looked on fire. Still, at that distance, they would have blinded me. Maybe there was some filter. Maybe it was just a dream. But it would be neat if it wasn't. But maybe life is just a dream. Right?
There were two other figures in there, other than the red-haired girl-- A man and a woman. The man was made up of what looked like water-colored paint, or something, paint that was coming into existence, from white and "black", and what was in between, and disappearing just as fast, but I could make out a blurry human form. Maybe.. Maybe I just couldn't see him. He seemed to be at a control station of sorts. But it was very, very simple. The room was entirely uncluttered except for his slightly raised position, and something where he was, I think, and this central green cube, on the pedestal.
The woman, she seemed to never do anything. She stood in a corner, facing the cube (she'd be facing a corner of it, looking head on, as she stared from the corner). She was all black. Perhaps her face was white. Maybe her hair was brown. Her head was down, in a humble position, prayer, or something.
The girl, after we frolicked or were children, and something happened (I don't know, got older? simultaneously young and that age I was/around), she would be found on one side of this room. The "back", opposite the doorway to the outside-space.
(Going into detail, while omitting some because I'm trying to...)
I felt suggestible/suggested. I followed a path around the room, walking toward the girl, who was facing the left as I walked toward her from the window/door-- her right, right side of her body against the red-gold wall. I turned left, walked by the woman... And there seemed to be the kind of ropes that theaters sometimes have. Or plays. Or rides. Or what. I don't know. What are they called? Then I turn left. Left, left, and another left, and then a right, to face this green cube, where the "psychedelic" effects would occur.
The cube was a somewhat dark-dull green color, and not very interesting on first glance, or.. The color being as it was, not all bright and happy like trippers/stoners like, as I was. At some point, I did hear the man say his only words: "This may hurt a little bit", or something like that.
The cube, I don't remember the order here... The cube was fluxing in it's color. It would seem to glow, and it was a bright emerald green color, radiating this green color around it. It seemed to flux to this brighter color, where I felt happy, and high, very nicely high. There was an imperfection that I seemed to focus on, in this cube. The cube itself was crystalline, gemstone, quartzish (or what I don't know I've thought it might be many things. Jasper. Maybe not). But I found myself focusing on this imperfection. The one imperfection, seemingly... in the entire room. Everything else so clean. Smooth as silk. Crystal. And here, that's where things seemed to happen. The tiny crack/notching out of the mineralization, from that a liquid/lightning visual would appear... Kind of like ... Flight of the Navigator, when they time travel, and the image in it's "eye" at that time, kind of like that, but green.
...But he said this may hurt at little.
And it did.
I fell, back to earth, through the floor of the ship, in what felt like some kind of strong gravity... putting it lightly. I felt strung, pulled, spaghettied. Broken. I specifically remember a breaking jaw feeling, or like my jaw was separating... My bones separating. The jaw was the worst. I can go into actual life things that influenced all this, or were tied, but it doesn't ultimately detract.
But before I fell, I witnessed the room as a computer, and all of the elements, as parts of that "computer". It was so simple, elegant, and functional. I understood it. Somehow. It was like, the "right under our noses" simplicity, but perfect function. Older than anything on earth. Perhaps older than earth-itself. I don't really have any idea, that's just the feeling I got. Like we derived from it, or from the same technology... if it can even be called that.
Right.
And I saw a green layer, as if I was viewing from inside the cube, or something, but looking top down like it was motherboard (the people, elements, chips, function-ers in the system). The green layering, the only association I have found, and it might not apply here... Motherboards often have this green coating. It's called a solder mask. The color was exactly as that.
It might all be symbolic, but perhaps all literal. I don't really know.
Then I was returned, fell through the floor, and the last person I see, was the darker woman... The last I remember, before I am falling through space, or so it seemed, seeing stars, which I saw weren't stars, but symbols, characters, letters, glyphs... What-ever they might be called. Then one seemed to come into focus in the center, and I seemed to know it meant and explained, somehow, love. Just like how I understood the simplicity, the how it works, of the "computer", I understood this love, as fundamental, normal, essential, true, non-fearing as we sometimes do, and I knew how to love- then. Or something like that. And I wanted to share it with the girl from the dream... The girl I was searching for, before I found myself in that "ship" (passing more or less seamlessly, from another red-room, with red "fog" like heat).
The dream before, I was in love. Fell in love with a girl. But she was standing at a drop-off, and I felt so weak, not like "a man" should. I felt like putting my weight to her, as would happen if I fell- there, would put us over the drop off, and cause injury to her/me. It was just a step down, but the heels of her feet were at the edge. I left her, there, said I needed to say something to my friends, or use the bathroom, but that I'd be back. I just needed to catch myself, before I fell, I think... Or before I fell over her, perhaps hurting her in the process. But when I got back, she wasn't anywhere to be found. I saw another red-haired girl, went up to her, but it wasn't her, and here is where I found myself in the ship. I don't think the one in the ship was the one I was going for.
I know, this is back and forth, and has probably gotten hard to read.
But the one in the ship... Perhaps was still someone I'm interested in. Because she was there. She just didn't look the same. Wasn't the same one. I don't really know. At all.
But the experience... Mirrors later experience in my waking life. Maybe that's just the power of the human mind, in it's gift of connection-making, but who has laid a claim to the territory of that? Who has defined it?
But I don't want to go too deep, or I'll, and kind of already have lost myself, in trying to explain, myself- my mind- my experiences.
But why I associate this number with Cassiopeia? It's shaped like a W. W is the 23rd letter of the alphabet, the one (this one) used most commonly in our world. I don't really see it-and that changing any time soon, but I don't have any idea, ultimately. It could also be said to be shaped like our 13th letter- M. This, for one.
As I am writing this, just now (I had written something and deleted it, and forget what it was... In argument for 23 I know),
A Chantal "aeternus" Merlin added me to her circle on Google+, for some reason.
Her last post is May 23rd. There are a few.
Apparently Gamma Cassiopeia is blue (but might change colors, if I remember right). A blue sub-giant. This is the star that my emotions/thought found a peak in. Like an Ahhhhhh. Wish I could telepathically share it, how I experienced it, and this reflection. Everything good, I wish I could. Right? Yes. But bad, keep hidden. Wish.
I'm always looking for ways to fit in.
This star, it has a companion star, and it is apparently more white-blue. I think I read that. It might be a neutron star. Gamma Cassiopeia is apparently hard to get a good reading on. It's also known to be abnormally magnetic. I am just regurgitating what I remember from skimming earlier, but it's quite oval from it's high speed of rotation, very magnetic, changes temperatures drastically, apparently. From what I remember.
The dream I had years ago... I had a dream years ago that felt real. I found myself in a room, golden/orange/yellow/white with a green cube in the center on a pedestal of sorts. I felt like a child. And I felt like I was in a suggestive state, almost, perhaps hypnotized. Drug-like. Half asleep. And psychedelic-like at times.
There was a young girl, there with me. But she was my age. Red hair. I had been searching for a red-head previously, in a dream, which flowed into this one.
God I don't want to detail it so much again... I need to sleep.
There was a door-shaped cut in the wall- the vessel. No window, no barrier. I felt I could just fall out, if I stepped too far. It was kind of scary, but cool. Outside, there was space, and from what I saw, two... stars.
In the past I have wondered what these stars were. I have thought they might be Sirius A and B and didn't know where C or .. I don't know. I thought that they might be the Earth and the moon. But I distinctly remember they both looked on fire. Still, at that distance, they would have blinded me. Maybe there was some filter. Maybe it was just a dream. But it would be neat if it wasn't. But maybe life is just a dream. Right?
There were two other figures in there, other than the red-haired girl-- A man and a woman. The man was made up of what looked like water-colored paint, or something, paint that was coming into existence, from white and "black", and what was in between, and disappearing just as fast, but I could make out a blurry human form. Maybe.. Maybe I just couldn't see him. He seemed to be at a control station of sorts. But it was very, very simple. The room was entirely uncluttered except for his slightly raised position, and something where he was, I think, and this central green cube, on the pedestal.
The woman, she seemed to never do anything. She stood in a corner, facing the cube (she'd be facing a corner of it, looking head on, as she stared from the corner). She was all black. Perhaps her face was white. Maybe her hair was brown. Her head was down, in a humble position, prayer, or something.
The girl, after we frolicked or were children, and something happened (I don't know, got older? simultaneously young and that age I was/around), she would be found on one side of this room. The "back", opposite the doorway to the outside-space.
(Going into detail, while omitting some because I'm trying to...)
I felt suggestible/suggested. I followed a path around the room, walking toward the girl, who was facing the left as I walked toward her from the window/door-- her right, right side of her body against the red-gold wall. I turned left, walked by the woman... And there seemed to be the kind of ropes that theaters sometimes have. Or plays. Or rides. Or what. I don't know. What are they called? Then I turn left. Left, left, and another left, and then a right, to face this green cube, where the "psychedelic" effects would occur.
The cube was a somewhat dark-dull green color, and not very interesting on first glance, or.. The color being as it was, not all bright and happy like trippers/stoners like, as I was. At some point, I did hear the man say his only words: "This may hurt a little bit", or something like that.
The cube, I don't remember the order here... The cube was fluxing in it's color. It would seem to glow, and it was a bright emerald green color, radiating this green color around it. It seemed to flux to this brighter color, where I felt happy, and high, very nicely high. There was an imperfection that I seemed to focus on, in this cube. The cube itself was crystalline, gemstone, quartzish (or what I don't know I've thought it might be many things. Jasper. Maybe not). But I found myself focusing on this imperfection. The one imperfection, seemingly... in the entire room. Everything else so clean. Smooth as silk. Crystal. And here, that's where things seemed to happen. The tiny crack/notching out of the mineralization, from that a liquid/lightning visual would appear... Kind of like ... Flight of the Navigator, when they time travel, and the image in it's "eye" at that time, kind of like that, but green.
...But he said this may hurt at little.
And it did.
I fell, back to earth, through the floor of the ship, in what felt like some kind of strong gravity... putting it lightly. I felt strung, pulled, spaghettied. Broken. I specifically remember a breaking jaw feeling, or like my jaw was separating... My bones separating. The jaw was the worst. I can go into actual life things that influenced all this, or were tied, but it doesn't ultimately detract.
But before I fell, I witnessed the room as a computer, and all of the elements, as parts of that "computer". It was so simple, elegant, and functional. I understood it. Somehow. It was like, the "right under our noses" simplicity, but perfect function. Older than anything on earth. Perhaps older than earth-itself. I don't really have any idea, that's just the feeling I got. Like we derived from it, or from the same technology... if it can even be called that.
Right.
And I saw a green layer, as if I was viewing from inside the cube, or something, but looking top down like it was motherboard (the people, elements, chips, function-ers in the system). The green layering, the only association I have found, and it might not apply here... Motherboards often have this green coating. It's called a solder mask. The color was exactly as that.
It might all be symbolic, but perhaps all literal. I don't really know.
Then I was returned, fell through the floor, and the last person I see, was the darker woman... The last I remember, before I am falling through space, or so it seemed, seeing stars, which I saw weren't stars, but symbols, characters, letters, glyphs... What-ever they might be called. Then one seemed to come into focus in the center, and I seemed to know it meant and explained, somehow, love. Just like how I understood the simplicity, the how it works, of the "computer", I understood this love, as fundamental, normal, essential, true, non-fearing as we sometimes do, and I knew how to love- then. Or something like that. And I wanted to share it with the girl from the dream... The girl I was searching for, before I found myself in that "ship" (passing more or less seamlessly, from another red-room, with red "fog" like heat).
The dream before, I was in love. Fell in love with a girl. But she was standing at a drop-off, and I felt so weak, not like "a man" should. I felt like putting my weight to her, as would happen if I fell- there, would put us over the drop off, and cause injury to her/me. It was just a step down, but the heels of her feet were at the edge. I left her, there, said I needed to say something to my friends, or use the bathroom, but that I'd be back. I just needed to catch myself, before I fell, I think... Or before I fell over her, perhaps hurting her in the process. But when I got back, she wasn't anywhere to be found. I saw another red-haired girl, went up to her, but it wasn't her, and here is where I found myself in the ship. I don't think the one in the ship was the one I was going for.
I know, this is back and forth, and has probably gotten hard to read.
But the one in the ship... Perhaps was still someone I'm interested in. Because she was there. She just didn't look the same. Wasn't the same one. I don't really know. At all.
But the experience... Mirrors later experience in my waking life. Maybe that's just the power of the human mind, in it's gift of connection-making, but who has laid a claim to the territory of that? Who has defined it?