Last night, I was struggling, various ways, with a friend, with myself, with the environment, with reality.
I was in my mind (unconsciously) trying to downplay the wonder of space, and things. We were out at his place, standing by his van, looking up at the stars.
I had a moment where I was just seeing them as white dots. I've lived in the city so long, and here we were in the country, my home-land, where the stars are much brighter/more visible. I was in pain, and it's sometimes hard to let go of it. I build reasons... But nevermind that.
I was scanning the sky, as we were, and I was having a feeling of insignificance to everything, and sameness, uniformity... making it nothing... But then I checked that, and remembered that no, we aren't looking at "stars"- not just stars... But entire galaxies, many of them... And here was the milk way- the band of it, and the "fog" that is also, perhaps, stars, and dust (I am not sure, really... But I'd like to know, again).... But I saw how each star or cluster was so varied from the next, and each planet so much different, even if similar enough, from the next. So many possible variations for life, and conditions, formations, pressures, uhh.
I was scanning, and as my imagination built to grasp the possibility of awareness out there, My eyes rested on one star, and that was an "ahhh"... A peak of feeling- like the feeling I had. Like a magnet, my emotions were.
I had no idea, consciously, which star it was, or even if it belonged to a major constellation, though I don't doubt that my unconscious mind had an idea.
Still, my eyes found themselves to, as we found it was, rest on Cassiopeia, the very center of the constellation, of the five "stars" that we see with our naked eye.
From our closest star (system), Proxima Centauri, our system rests in the direction, and in the constellation of Cassiopeia.... And what I felt was genuinely like a magnet in my head/body/heart... The emotional process. I don't know how to say it exactly like I felt. I felt awareness. The feeling spiked at that star, in the center, and the feelings began while looking at that constellation.
This was just an instance, and a way I justify. I moments later looked up at the star furthest to the right, in the constellation, and felt a different kind of "awareness", there. I am sure some of it was projection, and purely "coincidence" (which means nothing but falling together).
I was in my mind (unconsciously) trying to downplay the wonder of space, and things. We were out at his place, standing by his van, looking up at the stars.
I had a moment where I was just seeing them as white dots. I've lived in the city so long, and here we were in the country, my home-land, where the stars are much brighter/more visible. I was in pain, and it's sometimes hard to let go of it. I build reasons... But nevermind that.
I was scanning the sky, as we were, and I was having a feeling of insignificance to everything, and sameness, uniformity... making it nothing... But then I checked that, and remembered that no, we aren't looking at "stars"- not just stars... But entire galaxies, many of them... And here was the milk way- the band of it, and the "fog" that is also, perhaps, stars, and dust (I am not sure, really... But I'd like to know, again).... But I saw how each star or cluster was so varied from the next, and each planet so much different, even if similar enough, from the next. So many possible variations for life, and conditions, formations, pressures, uhh.
I was scanning, and as my imagination built to grasp the possibility of awareness out there, My eyes rested on one star, and that was an "ahhh"... A peak of feeling- like the feeling I had. Like a magnet, my emotions were.
I had no idea, consciously, which star it was, or even if it belonged to a major constellation, though I don't doubt that my unconscious mind had an idea.
Still, my eyes found themselves to, as we found it was, rest on Cassiopeia, the very center of the constellation, of the five "stars" that we see with our naked eye.
From our closest star (system), Proxima Centauri, our system rests in the direction, and in the constellation of Cassiopeia.... And what I felt was genuinely like a magnet in my head/body/heart... The emotional process. I don't know how to say it exactly like I felt. I felt awareness. The feeling spiked at that star, in the center, and the feelings began while looking at that constellation.
This was just an instance, and a way I justify. I moments later looked up at the star furthest to the right, in the constellation, and felt a different kind of "awareness", there. I am sure some of it was projection, and purely "coincidence" (which means nothing but falling together).