Carrot on a string...

I have six roxies sitting in a little pill box directly in front of me...

I can't take them, because of the bupe in my system. I wasted two this morning trying to guage how far I had to go in order to feel anything. Probably about two more days, cause I barely felt shit... And I'll probably be ill as hell and ready to pull my hair out by then.

FUCK I wanna get high!!

... *Sigh* I'll never get this demon off my shoulder. Even if I manage to stay clean the rest of my life, that little voice in my ear will never go away...

 

i hate the paradigm that we must be either clean or using, ignoring the possiblity that there are other states of existence. That we we're taught to ignore that little voice i think speaks of a denial in the medical establishment and our society about the biological causes of addiction. perhaps we're lacking in endorphins, or a stressed upbringing results in hormonal responses that inhibit the uptake of our bodies painkillers.

i've used on and off my entire life. the real question is outcomes. Yes a destructive addiction is bad yet for all those who placate that little voice every now, whilst living a productive life surely we can be allowed to maintain a sense dignity and respect. to not feel like a little kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar, or to be made to feel like a dirty junkie just because they decide to swallow some of those little white instant release pills.