When I first met him, I was sort of repelled by him. I've never liked attention from guys. It makes me uneasy. Like I'm being used. Must be from my days in the Middle East where women are objects and not people. He certainly didn't seem my type, or atleast I didn't think he was. He was this big lumbering guy who was just happened to be down any aisle *I* went down, in the grocery store we worked in together. He would look up from the milk crate he was sitting on and grin at me. I was smirk in my condescending way and walk a little faster. I'd try to avoid the aisle coming back just so I didn't have to be looked at. Grocery store aisles are like runways, sort of.
When I transferred to a position of more prestige, the bookstore, beating this boy out at the job, he came to see who had succeeded over him. And so our compeition began. Who was funnier? Smarter? Wittier? Remembered the most quotes from movies. Knew the newest songs. Could relate certain authors to others, recommending them to friends. I was annoyed to find this guy was kinda cute up close and was smart and funny. I found myself now going down the aisle he was working in to say hi, if nothing else.
He had this weird sense of humor. Really ascerbic and topical. He had these crazy blue glasses. Prescription, they were. I found out he liked a few of the authors I did. Deep down, I was worried he would ask me out. I hate confrontation, and because I was screwed up and thought I was in a relationship, I didn't want to deal with it.
One day he told me had have given his notice. I knew, right then, when he was going to ask me out and where and how. I was right. He's so predictable...even way back then, when I hardly knew him. Predictable in the cute way, though. I don't know why people think it's such a bad word.
So, his two weeks came up, and on a Monday night, I believe, as I was putting away my book receiving log, and the store was powering down, he came up to me at my desk and hovered. I felt flustered, and as he said "I was wondering if..." I bent down to put away my pricing gun, and took a deep breath. I popped back up, red faced, and as he played with some sort of book, I explained I was seeing someone, and that I wouldn't be able to go for drinks or to the museum as he had so nicely asked. I told him to hold on, and went to my back room for my coat and bag. I came out, and we walked out the door. In the breezeway, holding the automatic doors open, I got his email address. I wasn't even sure if he had one. But he struck me as a funny guy and I wanted to keep in contact.
I went to the car and told my mom what had happened and watched as his big whale of a car pulled away, thinking I'd never see him again. I'd actually never see him the same way again.
We did what most people don't usually do...we kept our word. I emailed him to explain why I wouldn't date him; it was to do with this stupid relationship with an American I thought I was in. I met him through the Net and it was a long distance thing. I was a little crazy. He wrote back through forwards. I hate forwards, and told him so. He ceased the forwards and instead told me about this new girlfriend he was with. I was pretty upset, but mostly because he sounded so god damned happy. I was also free from the Americano at this point, and felt bad for what I had done, as it is only after the fact we see our mistakes.
So we wrote back and forth. I dedicated a file to him in my email box, and saved most messages he wrote. I still save his messages til this day. Not those ones about him and his girlfriend though. If you ask me, she didn't sound right for him.
We basically shot the shit, not really talking about anything. This was during the Survivor craze of '00, so there was a bit of that. We talked, without really knowing more about eachother. I didn't know if he went to school, where he worked, what his background was. There was this ethereal, innocent quality to our messages. It was like we were messaging ourselves - I forgot what he looked like, and sending messages electronically is like zapping something to space. You aren't sending it to someone as much as somewhere. He sprinkled a lot of innuendos and winking emoticons into our messages, things that make me smile today when I look over what he sent. They were soaked in sarcasm and popular culture. Totally my style, I've found out.
I finally faced up that I liked this guy, definitely as a friend. We found out we were both going to a rave one weekend, and decided to meet up. He has this great rendition of what happened that night, a story I still love to read. I cannot even begin to explain it as well as him, but it makes me feel good to read it.
There are the days I remember we spent 'shopping' which was more drifting and talking and making fun of people. We did concerts together. He protected me from the surging crowd. We helped eachother through hard nights at parties, him holding my hair incase I threw up. I did my best to cool him down when he overheated. Finally, after a cool September night spend in a field at a party, him staying by my side by a bonfire, even though he was still freezing, we decided to be together. Even now, I don't know what we meant though. We had the perfect relationship before that happened.
The past year was spent laughing and driving, visiting bookstores. We went on a few trips, some better than others. I'll forever remember Minneapolis and will try with all my might to forget New Years in Calgary. Friends were confused by our relationship. We would hold hands while insulting eachother. It took us a while to have a real argument, but we finally did. And they were never over anything we had done to eachother, it was over family matters, or external influences. I guess that was an indication of what was to come.
I loved what we had. I only hope he will come to trust me again. Give me the space and time I need.
------------------
-Kelly
"It's no use going back to yesterday because I wasn't the same person then" Alice, "Alice in Wonderland"
http://plaza.powersurfr.com/kellyanne
When I transferred to a position of more prestige, the bookstore, beating this boy out at the job, he came to see who had succeeded over him. And so our compeition began. Who was funnier? Smarter? Wittier? Remembered the most quotes from movies. Knew the newest songs. Could relate certain authors to others, recommending them to friends. I was annoyed to find this guy was kinda cute up close and was smart and funny. I found myself now going down the aisle he was working in to say hi, if nothing else.
He had this weird sense of humor. Really ascerbic and topical. He had these crazy blue glasses. Prescription, they were. I found out he liked a few of the authors I did. Deep down, I was worried he would ask me out. I hate confrontation, and because I was screwed up and thought I was in a relationship, I didn't want to deal with it.
One day he told me had have given his notice. I knew, right then, when he was going to ask me out and where and how. I was right. He's so predictable...even way back then, when I hardly knew him. Predictable in the cute way, though. I don't know why people think it's such a bad word.
So, his two weeks came up, and on a Monday night, I believe, as I was putting away my book receiving log, and the store was powering down, he came up to me at my desk and hovered. I felt flustered, and as he said "I was wondering if..." I bent down to put away my pricing gun, and took a deep breath. I popped back up, red faced, and as he played with some sort of book, I explained I was seeing someone, and that I wouldn't be able to go for drinks or to the museum as he had so nicely asked. I told him to hold on, and went to my back room for my coat and bag. I came out, and we walked out the door. In the breezeway, holding the automatic doors open, I got his email address. I wasn't even sure if he had one. But he struck me as a funny guy and I wanted to keep in contact.
I went to the car and told my mom what had happened and watched as his big whale of a car pulled away, thinking I'd never see him again. I'd actually never see him the same way again.
We did what most people don't usually do...we kept our word. I emailed him to explain why I wouldn't date him; it was to do with this stupid relationship with an American I thought I was in. I met him through the Net and it was a long distance thing. I was a little crazy. He wrote back through forwards. I hate forwards, and told him so. He ceased the forwards and instead told me about this new girlfriend he was with. I was pretty upset, but mostly because he sounded so god damned happy. I was also free from the Americano at this point, and felt bad for what I had done, as it is only after the fact we see our mistakes.
So we wrote back and forth. I dedicated a file to him in my email box, and saved most messages he wrote. I still save his messages til this day. Not those ones about him and his girlfriend though. If you ask me, she didn't sound right for him.
We basically shot the shit, not really talking about anything. This was during the Survivor craze of '00, so there was a bit of that. We talked, without really knowing more about eachother. I didn't know if he went to school, where he worked, what his background was. There was this ethereal, innocent quality to our messages. It was like we were messaging ourselves - I forgot what he looked like, and sending messages electronically is like zapping something to space. You aren't sending it to someone as much as somewhere. He sprinkled a lot of innuendos and winking emoticons into our messages, things that make me smile today when I look over what he sent. They were soaked in sarcasm and popular culture. Totally my style, I've found out.
I finally faced up that I liked this guy, definitely as a friend. We found out we were both going to a rave one weekend, and decided to meet up. He has this great rendition of what happened that night, a story I still love to read. I cannot even begin to explain it as well as him, but it makes me feel good to read it.
There are the days I remember we spent 'shopping' which was more drifting and talking and making fun of people. We did concerts together. He protected me from the surging crowd. We helped eachother through hard nights at parties, him holding my hair incase I threw up. I did my best to cool him down when he overheated. Finally, after a cool September night spend in a field at a party, him staying by my side by a bonfire, even though he was still freezing, we decided to be together. Even now, I don't know what we meant though. We had the perfect relationship before that happened.
The past year was spent laughing and driving, visiting bookstores. We went on a few trips, some better than others. I'll forever remember Minneapolis and will try with all my might to forget New Years in Calgary. Friends were confused by our relationship. We would hold hands while insulting eachother. It took us a while to have a real argument, but we finally did. And they were never over anything we had done to eachother, it was over family matters, or external influences. I guess that was an indication of what was to come.
I loved what we had. I only hope he will come to trust me again. Give me the space and time I need.
------------------
-Kelly
"It's no use going back to yesterday because I wasn't the same person then" Alice, "Alice in Wonderland"
http://plaza.powersurfr.com/kellyanne
