cant take it ,in a "therapeutic community "

[jake99]

ive been away at rehab for 28 days and now im in a program in vermont which really sucks. i was using heroin and benzos for last year or 2.......
things got really bad and my family sent me from new jersey where my whole life is away to this crazy place............
now they want me to leave my whole life behind and be here for months and start over in vermont where i know no one.
im so overwhelmed its so hard to function with this depression and anxiety . i dont know what to do .
im almost 30 and i feel like ill never see my friends or family for so long now, plus my car, most of my clothes, my compuer are all at home and i have no way to get them here. everyone else here is way more comfortable than me. feels like jail.

 

[yellodolphin]

dude take this as a good oppurtunity. ive been in rehab for the past 9 months.

you just sound afraid. its kinda shocking but not really when you think about it. maybe its not your decision but you can work with it. in rehab you can become a better person and look back on things and take a break from things. its all how you look at it you know. itll be different but most probably its a good thing. have faith. take time to learn more about yourself and discover things other then drugs. im not muslim but ive been reading the quran and now i get on my knees and pray on a prayer rug. although when i tried to light incense and candles in my room and cited religious rights they didnt buy it. fuck that i know what religious rights are.

 

[jake99]

I hear you . i just cant believe they want me to leave my whole life from Jersey behind and this program has me cut off from everything in the "outside world"

 

[Jabberwocky]

from what little i know of reports from addicts and my own experience, not for drug addiction but an eating disorder, disconnecting you from your entire previous life for a prolonged period is standard in IP facilities. its horrible, i've been through a more limited version, but i would guess there are justified theraputic reasons for this to be the norm. i personally am glad they took this approach, if they'd have mostly let me carry on my old life i would never have got into the habits (eating 3 times a day) that probably saved my life. its hard for you now but its only been 28 days. i doubt thats long enough for real changes to kick in.

i've read your posts and never commented but its clear you've needed intensive help for a long time. please, i know how difficult this is, place some trust in the professionals at the clinic. i presume that because its a distance away, your parents have looked at several and hopefully chosen this one for good reasons.

as for starting your life over. i've done it 4 times. its a total bitch and some of the times were disasters, but maybe its what you need?

 

[jake99]

I just dont feel like this place is doing anything but forcing me to be clean and im so depressed being away from all my friends and family , i think its messed up that my father says dont go back to new jersey..........all this is doing is making me feel more anxiety to have to start over in a place i dont know ANYONE. and it is making it even worse that when i left for rehab i only took a tiny bit of my clothes, and i dont have any of my music or stuff i need so im very uncomfortable. all you do in this place is work and some AA at night and see a doctor once a week for meds. most of the "patients" have mental health issues and not addicton . its very lonely , the depression is making it hard to function

 

[Asclepius]

^Sounds like things are very uncomfortable for you emotionally atm Jake.

Rehab's tend to be strict about sobriety - that is their function.
No-one can force another to do anything against their own will, you make your own choices.
If you are not there for your own sake then it is going to be uncomfortable
Although it is very constraining, sometimes it is better to see what you are going to get out of the situation, while you are there; rather than focusing on the restrictions and 'wishing' it away; which only makes a bad situation worse for yourself.

 

[jake99]

thanks, i just dont know how to get over this depression and anxiety ............its like the most homesick you could be and knowing you have to re start your whole life away from everyone you know..............the fear has me feeling "frozen" and its hard to make any simple decision like what to wear

 

[Legerity]

Big change can be uncomfortable but what really matters most is if it's something that could potentially be helpful to you. I didn't feel comfortable at all being in rehab for 4 months and having to cut out some close relationships. It did help me a lot at that time and I'm glad that I went.

If you can just focus on what you have to do in treatment each day rather than trying to plan your whole future, it may take away some of the stress. It's impossible to figure out a new lifestyle all at once.

All the best, do what you need to do there to take care of yourself

 

[ControlDenied]

that's the downside of detox and rehab facilities, absolutely - the sterile, "prison-like setting" [but of course its not like prison; it's just a figure of speech]. is it a rehab out in the woods in vermont? in that case take advantage of being close to nature. if it's an urban rehab with no outdoors and meadows to prance on and lakes to swim in, look into going to a rural rehab. that's what i will probably do in the near future myself.

 

[cj]

give it some time man you have been on opiates for a long time you can not expect to feel normal right away. You need to realize you are in the depths of PAWS that is why you feel so alone and depressed. If you continue being sober you will feel better in time but if you go right back to Jersey you WILL relapse and be right back where you have been for awhile. If you just have to leave rehab you need to stay out of state that doesnt mean Vermont you can go anywhere in the world think about it you have a chance to start completely over be a new person that is a great gift and it would be a shame to squander. Just give it time I mean heroin isnt going anywhere it will always be around if you decide that is what you want your life to revolve around.

 

[jake99]

k

the sterile, "prison-like setting" [but of course its not like prison; it's just a figure of speech].
even though we are outdoors or whatever it still feels like prison to me (ive been ) just not having freedom to get in my car and go to the store sucks

you are in the depths of PAWS that is why you feel so alone and depressed.
Or is it just that i suffer from depresssion ?
Or is it that im away from all my friends and family and any comfort of home , i have most of my clothes in storage and my father wont send them to me , i dont have my music or my laptop to watch any movies or anything , just this computer with no damn sound uhhhhhhhhhhh

Or that my father is forcing me to stay in a program where all you do is work every day and go to 1 meeting at night ..........and see a doctor once a week...............and pay mad money for it . well good night im going to sleep on my matress with the springs popping into my back !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Wolfmans_BrothEr]

Yo dude I'm from new jersey too!

I've been in a few different rehabs and it's always a bitch at first, but eventually you get into the groove of things and meet people and it suddenly isn't so bad. It's a lot easier if you embrace it tho rather than reject it

Plus Vermont is mad liberal and chill..I would love to live up there. You have a good opportunity might as well take advantage of it and get healthy

 

[ControlDenied]

New Jersey truly seems like a cesspool of debauch. Stay out as long as you can, until the tentacles of fucking...The situation or whoever those evil protistutes are, pull you back in and fill you with crack, heroin and other evils...u.gh....new jersey....ugh north eastern america....ugh...

 

[jake99]

i miss the cesspool of NJ

i miss the cesspool of NJ