• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: streaM Freak

Can't stop thinking about mdma

Donkey Danni

Donkey Danni

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 17, 2015
Messages
7
Location
UK
Hi guys, occasional BL visitor, done a lot of reading. I hope I'm posting in the right place, please correct me if I'm not!

I'm not an addict or even frequent user, but I'm really battling with my desperation for the next roll.

My partner and I have used four or five times a year for the last couple of years. The last time was somewhere towards the end of last summer. That's when my partner was taken very ill and is now on a huge amount of drugs and trying to get back on top of it all.

Understandably we have been focusing on getting his health back in check and using hasn't even come into question.

There in lies my problem. I have not been able to stop thinking about it, hoping for the next time, and quite honestly obsessing over it. Although I know he's still not well enough and it's not even an option this year at the very least, it will not leave my thoughts.

Just wondering if I'm alone here, and any tips on how to get over it. It's tearing me up, and now summers coming around again it's just getting worse. I have to get over it for now, I know that, but it won't go away.

My partner is the only one I want to do it with, it's a quiet and intimate thing for us, so it's just a case of forgetting about it for now, and it's just not that easy.

This feels so trivial compared to the rest of the posts in this section, I don't want to be a nuisance, I'm just really struggling ?
 
I would say I am easily addicted to things.
The only damaging psychological addiction I have had previously was extremely heavy cannabis use from ages 14-17. I was then taken very ill and diagnosed with Bipolar and entered into treatment for that.
Discovered pills around age 18 when homeless and went a bit mad with them, taking more and more and whenever I could get them.
That stopped when I was taken into strict supported housing. And then a good ten year gap until taking the mdma with my current partner.
 
I see a psychiatrist fairly regularly to review meds and report any problems Bipolar wise. Never got on with counselling, tried it when I was first taken ill. I find just talking to the psych really stressful
 
Donkey Danni said:
Hi guys, occasional BL visitor, done a lot of reading. I hope I'm posting in the right place, please correct me if I'm not!

I'm not an addict or even frequent user, but I'm really battling with my desperation for the next roll.

My partner and I have used four or five times a year for the last couple of years. The last time was somewhere towards the end of last summer. That's when my partner was taken very ill and is now on a huge amount of drugs and trying to get back on top of it all.

Understandably we have been focusing on getting his health back in check and using hasn't even come into question.

There in lies my problem. I have not been able to stop thinking about it, hoping for the next time, and quite honestly obsessing over it. Although I know he's still not well enough and it's not even an option this year at the very least, it will not leave my thoughts.

Just wondering if I'm alone here, and any tips on how to get over it. It's tearing me up, and now summers coming around again it's just getting worse. I have to get over it for now, I know that, but it won't go away.

My partner is the only one I want to do it with, it's a quiet and intimate thing for us, so it's just a case of forgetting about it for now, and it's just not that easy.

This feels so trivial compared to the rest of the posts in this section, I don't want to be a nuisance, I'm just really struggling ��
Click to expand...

I find the solo mdma roll unbeatable even when in love. It will still do you both good imo. Or he can just hang with you and get that contact high. I assume he loves you a lot so he should be more than willing to be there.
 
Cosmic Trigger said:
I find the solo mdma roll unbeatable even when in love. It will still do you both good imo. Or he can just hang with you and get that contact high. I assume he loves you a lot so he should be more than willing to be there.
Click to expand...

This. Just know that scratching the itch is not going to make those cravings go away.
 
Thanks guys, didn't really think that would be an option. Not heard of anyone doing it before. Maybe that's something to consider
 
MDMA can be addictive guys. I personally knew someone from years back who would roll more nights than not out of a week. Not worth it.

I personally don't like it enough to ever want to do it again.

REMINDER: no triggering content.
 
Is it possible your craving an escape because looking after a loved one who is seriously ill is very stressful? As much as you love your partner you still have to take care of you, keep that in mind. If at all possible take some time do stuff that you find relaxing and soothing. Personally, I wouldn't try the MDMA because of the addiction possibility, and I have found in the past that turning to substance for a brief interlude from stress makes me use it more frequently, even if it was never a frequent thing in the past. Consider having a you day and pampering yourself.
 
Last edited:
x_benzo_girl said:
Is it possible your craving an escape because looking after a loved one who is seriously ill is very stressful? As much as you love your partner you still have to take care of you, keep that in mind. If at all possible take some time do stuff that you find relaxing and soothing. Personally, I wouldn't try the MDMAbevause of the addiction possibility, and I have found in the past that turning to substance for a bread interlude from stress makes me use it more frequently, even if it was never a frequent thing in the past. Consider have a you day and pampering yourself.
Click to expand...

I'm coming to realise this is almost definitely the case. I'm fighting to come to terms with how our lives have changed so drastically. Thank you for such a sweet and considerate answer, much appreciated xxx
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top