I really have trouble relating to sobriety, being clean, or anyone who's clean. I find I naturally gravitate towards people who get high or at least drink. Whenever I hear people saying shit about sober fun or doing stuff without drugs, it makes me roll my eyes. I've tried the meeting route, and I really just get put off by the people in there. The big problem is I need to find sober people I can relate to. I'm caught up in the legal system and if I partake in any form of intoxication I go back to jail. As of now pretty much anyone I'm close with at least has a drink on occasion. I don't buy into the concept of complete abstinence, but I really don't want to put myself back behind bars. Any advice? I feel meeting people outside of meetings who don't do anything would be good for me, but I don't really have any hobbies, and as I said it seems most of society at least can have a drink to relax. Meetings and former addicts just rub me the wrong way, especially due to their obsession with sobriety and being clean. I believe there are far more important things to life than just not using drugs or staying clean
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Can't relate to sober people
- Thread starter evilthree
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bighooter
Bluelighter
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- Mar 31, 2008
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- 1,660
Im in the same boat as you mate and believe me I am finding it extremely hard almost to the point of feeling like giving up, hopefully one day I will be able to 'fit into society' and socialise with 'normal' people.
At the moment im just some jaded sociopath who no one wants to know, give it time ...lots of meditation, exercise, healthy eating, reading, learning etc hopefully I will find salvation... if not then god knows what but just be strong mate know that in your heart theres people out there (just like me) who are suffering just to live. peace
At the moment im just some jaded sociopath who no one wants to know, give it time ...lots of meditation, exercise, healthy eating, reading, learning etc hopefully I will find salvation... if not then god knows what but just be strong mate know that in your heart theres people out there (just like me) who are suffering just to live. peace
masumune
Bluelighter
I am the same for the most part. I find though that really I can't relate to those who have never even tried drugs. I can hang out with people who have drug experience and it simply wasn't for them and they have nothing against drug use, but the people who just never ever even one time took a hit from the bong I just can't be around. And lol at the sober fun shit, "I'm high on life!" . I think it has a lot to do with the fact that 85% of sober people have NO FUCKING CLUE what they are talking about when it comes to drug use. I don't care if you don't need drugs to have fun or achieve a certain level of euphoria but don't try and tell me what is wrong with what I am doing when you have absolutely no experience with it yourself.
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
^ If you use your same logic you could say, "don't try to tell me (the person that has never used drugs but is "high on life") that there is something wrong with what they are doing/saying just because you have never experienced it." Just because you haven't experienced that does not make it unreal.
As a person that has used without abusing and used with abuse drugs for a significant amount of time in her life but now has eclipsed the drug using years with many, many more without drugs I can tell you without a doubt that the happiness I knew as a child before and as an adult after drug use is as intense as any euphoria I got from drugs. The wisdom I gained from using psychedelics is something I have wondered about. Since leaving that experience behind for over 30 years, I wonder if I would have been able to experience that same kind of alternate reality in nature which I still do today had I never had the door opened by psychedelic substances?
I do find myself attracted to people who, through experience, know that much of what is talked about when it comes to drugs is sheer lies and stereotypes. Every now and then you will meet someone who is a complex thinker about the subject without ever having experience with them but it is rare.
Bottom line for me is this: I am most attracted to complex thinkers that are in control of their lives, confident living with uncertainty, able to see shades of grey, able to creatively construct their own unique reality and have fun doing it. If drugs are involved, fine. If they aren't, fine. Drugs are not really the issue and dividing people into two camps--sober or users--seems sadly limiting to me.
As a person that has used without abusing and used with abuse drugs for a significant amount of time in her life but now has eclipsed the drug using years with many, many more without drugs I can tell you without a doubt that the happiness I knew as a child before and as an adult after drug use is as intense as any euphoria I got from drugs. The wisdom I gained from using psychedelics is something I have wondered about. Since leaving that experience behind for over 30 years, I wonder if I would have been able to experience that same kind of alternate reality in nature which I still do today had I never had the door opened by psychedelic substances?
I do find myself attracted to people who, through experience, know that much of what is talked about when it comes to drugs is sheer lies and stereotypes. Every now and then you will meet someone who is a complex thinker about the subject without ever having experience with them but it is rare.
Bottom line for me is this: I am most attracted to complex thinkers that are in control of their lives, confident living with uncertainty, able to see shades of grey, able to creatively construct their own unique reality and have fun doing it. If drugs are involved, fine. If they aren't, fine. Drugs are not really the issue and dividing people into two camps--sober or users--seems sadly limiting to me.
xxsicknessxx
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2008
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its hard have you tried AA? I have the same issues and something hard to except it that unless you meet people in AA ... most people will do something weed, drinking, something.. and its hard to get away from it... its very hard to get away from drinking at least once in awhile and if you need to be sober if like me drinking leads to other things I have to abstain but its horribly hard because its sad but its life...
I havn't tried AA I would be curious what you think about meeting people there... I don't go because its a lie for me I don't enjoy sober fun (yet) i Havn't been clean long enough I guess or im just a sad person maybe im depressed but I do what I have to do to stay clean for now its just staying alone... sad but its what I got to do I dunno how strong I would be if someone pushed drugs on me.
bighooter
Bluelighter
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^^^
same here mate i find being alone is the only way that helps at the moment... its too much to handle communicating with friends/family without being drugged up.
unless im exercising, working, i cant really handle being around anyone at the moment give it time and hopefully i will be allowed to step out from underneath this waterfall of doom.
same here mate i find being alone is the only way that helps at the moment... its too much to handle communicating with friends/family without being drugged up.
unless im exercising, working, i cant really handle being around anyone at the moment give it time and hopefully i will be allowed to step out from underneath this waterfall of doom.
mdmayhem
Greenlighter
I can completely relate to you.
However, when we step back and look at the bigger picture, there is a lot more to life than taking drugs as well.
You are right; our current laws and society are harmful and illogical, but that's not a reason to obsess over it. The legal issues are unfair, but it doesn't matter what's right or wrong... there's cause...effect.
Cause - you take drugs .. Effect - the law will fuck your life up
-first hand experience of that right here!!!!!!
Part of the problem for me was the whole culture that surrounds drug taking - the 'us against the world' - the ' I don't play by the rules' - the fake euphoria and empathy. The way you know everything about someone after 6 hours.
Fuck that though... it's just the opposite end of the "drugs are evil" spectrum... - as my Dad put it : If we went down to the pub and Rosie and Keith were popping pills would you still think it was cool?
It's all perspective, and it's going to be hard but you have to do one of two things
A) be strong enough in yourself to hang round with those people, and have them know and appreciate your situation, and not give in
or B) take up a new hobby to distract yourself and put aside the fact people are of a different opinion to you - yeah I think they're wrong and should open up their mind but I bet they have some interesting things to tell you about other parts of life! And I bet you can both teach each other things.
I haven't decided which one I'm going to do yet :/... I need to stay sober too
GOOD LUCK!
However, when we step back and look at the bigger picture, there is a lot more to life than taking drugs as well.
You are right; our current laws and society are harmful and illogical, but that's not a reason to obsess over it. The legal issues are unfair, but it doesn't matter what's right or wrong... there's cause...effect.
Cause - you take drugs .. Effect - the law will fuck your life up
-first hand experience of that right here!!!!!!
Part of the problem for me was the whole culture that surrounds drug taking - the 'us against the world' - the ' I don't play by the rules' - the fake euphoria and empathy. The way you know everything about someone after 6 hours.
Fuck that though... it's just the opposite end of the "drugs are evil" spectrum... - as my Dad put it : If we went down to the pub and Rosie and Keith were popping pills would you still think it was cool?
It's all perspective, and it's going to be hard but you have to do one of two things
A) be strong enough in yourself to hang round with those people, and have them know and appreciate your situation, and not give in
or B) take up a new hobby to distract yourself and put aside the fact people are of a different opinion to you - yeah I think they're wrong and should open up their mind but I bet they have some interesting things to tell you about other parts of life! And I bet you can both teach each other things.
I haven't decided which one I'm going to do yet :/... I need to stay sober too
GOOD LUCK!
mdmayhem
Greenlighter
p.s feel free to PM me if you're feeling lonely and want to chat about it. We need to help each other here x
I completely understand. mdmayhem has some really good advice. Just give it time and you will eventually find your place in sobriety. There are other things in life that might ignite some passion it just takes time to find it. I think the hardest thing that almost anybody in sobriety will have is finding friends who don't push alcohol or look at you weird when you tell them that you don't drink. Almost everyone I know personally drinks alcohol. What do you enjoy doing in your spare time besides drugs? Reading? Join a book club. Hiking? Join a club. You get the picture. There are ways to enjoy sober things but it takes a lot of time to get used to it. For now, just love yourself and everything else will fall into place.
fivelinefury
Bluelighter
Yeah I'm the same. I tend to spend a lot of time on my own now that I'm 27. (when younger I would get fucked up with other people, who have "moved on"). I find I basically cannot feel any happiness until I at least know I'm going to "get a fix", but I also feel like it's a really strong mindset thing to have to fight.
Gannicus
Bluelighter
I can't be intimate with people who are straight edge. I do things without thinking all the time. I get drunk, and next thing I am doing drugs. and I know that I can't do that around someone who isn't into that. If it was just weed it wouldn't be a big deal, but I don't smoke weed. The drugs I partake in aren't as socially embraced. So for me it's best to just find someone that sees things the same way I do.
wow... I have been here one year.
wow... I have been here one year.
dave00004482
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2012
- Messages
- 1
I'm one of those sober people who have never even taken a single hit off a pipe or bong. I am offended when people say I don't have a clue about drug use. I do have a clue. I'm a musician in a regional (midwestern), touring rock band, and most of the people I hang with are other musicians who are not unfamiliar with drug use themselves. Do you have any idea how many of them I've visited in jail? Sat with in hospital emergency rooms when they overdosed? Drove them to their court dates because their licenses were revoked? Would you have a general idea of how many times I've had to sit in a cloud of pot smoke that I did NOT want to be in, simply because the people I care about are into that??
*I* don't even have a general idea, because these things are an ongoing part of my life. I hate to sound harsh, but I don't need to commit a crime and be thrown in jail to "have a clue" that it's illegal. I sort of know that already. So, I'm sorry to disagree with you, but I do indeed have a clue about drug use. One of my band members was offered 'shrooms at one of our gigs last year, and as a result, I had to babysit him through 4 hours of a HELLISHLY bad trip during which he screamed, cried, pissed himself, and thought that street lights were police helicopters out to get him. That's what *I* did, while the evil dirtbag who GAVE him the mushrooms was already off somewhere on his own, probably giggling about how I don't have a clue because I've-never-done-it. Screw that.
I'm sorry that you don't like people who are "high on life" but I sort of am. Why would that offend you? I like to play music and listen to music and tell jokes and entertain people and read books and go for walks and talk to interesting people--- both sober AND nonsober--- and go out to eat dinner with people I like, and be in a relationship, and enjoy my day job, and help other people out.... and you take offense with that because I'm SOBER??! Sheesh. What's up with that? I've seen enough damage, destruction, and havoc caused by drug use--- I've seen it first-hand--- that I really don't need to actually TAKE the drug to "experience" its effects. I can see the effects first-hand, and from my outsiders' perspective--- which is just as valid as a users' perspective--- the risks and damage outweigh the pleasures by such a huge margin that I'd be ridiculously stupid to try using it myself.
*I* don't even have a general idea, because these things are an ongoing part of my life. I hate to sound harsh, but I don't need to commit a crime and be thrown in jail to "have a clue" that it's illegal. I sort of know that already. So, I'm sorry to disagree with you, but I do indeed have a clue about drug use. One of my band members was offered 'shrooms at one of our gigs last year, and as a result, I had to babysit him through 4 hours of a HELLISHLY bad trip during which he screamed, cried, pissed himself, and thought that street lights were police helicopters out to get him. That's what *I* did, while the evil dirtbag who GAVE him the mushrooms was already off somewhere on his own, probably giggling about how I don't have a clue because I've-never-done-it. Screw that.
I'm sorry that you don't like people who are "high on life" but I sort of am. Why would that offend you? I like to play music and listen to music and tell jokes and entertain people and read books and go for walks and talk to interesting people--- both sober AND nonsober--- and go out to eat dinner with people I like, and be in a relationship, and enjoy my day job, and help other people out.... and you take offense with that because I'm SOBER??! Sheesh. What's up with that? I've seen enough damage, destruction, and havoc caused by drug use--- I've seen it first-hand--- that I really don't need to actually TAKE the drug to "experience" its effects. I can see the effects first-hand, and from my outsiders' perspective--- which is just as valid as a users' perspective--- the risks and damage outweigh the pleasures by such a huge margin that I'd be ridiculously stupid to try using it myself.
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T. Calderone
Bluelight Crew
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- 8,981
I'm on both sides of the fence, so to speak. As a former addict and so pleased to get off the drugs, I still drink. Rationalise it with "it's legal" yet I don't go anyplace in the car drinking. I don't have many friends that aren't drug addicted or alcoholic or both. My very best friend is still an addict, shut in and depressed and she sleeps all day. It upsets me that I never hear from her. When I phone her, everytime she says she couldn't find my number and how come I don't keep in touch? I love her a lot but when I go to see her, she's very medicated and it makes me want to get high because we did all the drugs together for so many years.
I've never hung out much with straight people. My entire family is/was addicted or alcoholic. Most have passed on before their time. I only have my stepdad left and my sister and son (all addicted too) I hope to one day reconnect with cousins, aunt and uncle when we move back to Michigan. They sort of shunned me growing up because of my craziness. So it perpetuates you know? When we moved to Florida in 1984, we completely lost touch. It seems once you get that label, it sticks with you. This post is all over the place but hope someone understands.
I've never hung out much with straight people. My entire family is/was addicted or alcoholic. Most have passed on before their time. I only have my stepdad left and my sister and son (all addicted too) I hope to one day reconnect with cousins, aunt and uncle when we move back to Michigan. They sort of shunned me growing up because of my craziness. So it perpetuates you know? When we moved to Florida in 1984, we completely lost touch. It seems once you get that label, it sticks with you. This post is all over the place but hope someone understands.
opium
Bluelighter
Exactly.
I tend to isolate myself cause it seems easier than having to deal with life sober. When i used drugs i was around. Now i work and sit at home listening to music for hours upon hours. I cant deal with real life mixed with sobriety. Just cant. It has only been about 3 weeks, but it doesn't look like much will change
and T i got you..and i respect that you can still see that friend and stay on your path, much respect.
and yeah anyone who needs to talk, me or anybody else would probably be happy to talk to anybody. I know i am
Friends even alot of your best friends will not change their habits just because you have to change yours. An example from my life is that when a doctor told me i had asthma when i didnt( it was just really bad bronchitus) not one of my friens stop smoking around me in enclosed areas. People just dont care. Fuck even this chick i dated for 5 months didnt care enough to not do it and complained if i asked nice. Needless to say i dumped her ass.
mrflowers00
Ex-Bluelighter
OP i think it's like that for every drug user
"Cause - you take drugs .. Effect - the law will fuck your life up
-first hand experience of that right here!!!!!!"
I get what you are trying to say but i find this comment to be particularly stupid. Yes you are right in what you are saying but that does not mean it is right or fair and we should just except it. We as a society should do something about this. There are more then enough of us to make a change.
hthr007
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 22, 2012
- Messages
- 1,061
I don't believe in the whole "opposites attract" theory. Generally people become friends with other people because of what they have in common with them. Very rarely do we see people who are friends with another person because they dislike them and share no interests. It is human nature to gravitate toward people who have things in common with you and vice versa.
If you are trying to get clean and only make friends with those who use, this can pose a real problem. If you are exposed to the influences of drugs/alcohol you're more likely to use -- it's more or less a known face. However, if you surround yourself with people who do not use and are opposed to drugs, then their traits are more likely to rub off on you. Not all former addicts are obsessed with meetings or being clean. You just have to find the right personality type. There are plenty of drug addicts who annoy me and plenty of non drug addicts that annoy me. It's a personality type more than a huge generalization.
If you are trying to get clean and only make friends with those who use, this can pose a real problem. If you are exposed to the influences of drugs/alcohol you're more likely to use -- it's more or less a known face. However, if you surround yourself with people who do not use and are opposed to drugs, then their traits are more likely to rub off on you. Not all former addicts are obsessed with meetings or being clean. You just have to find the right personality type. There are plenty of drug addicts who annoy me and plenty of non drug addicts that annoy me. It's a personality type more than a huge generalization.
opium
Bluelighter
i agree with you ^
Opposites dont attract, at least not in my opinion. Like Hthr said, you dont go man, she hates the music i like, and thinks i dress bad...were a match made in heaven..no
And if you find people who dont use, it wouldnt be opposites attract. You can find a non user with many traits in common with you, just because they are not users does not mean they are opposite of you..
They are very different, but can also be very alike at the same time. Just gotta take time and choose your friends wisely.
Opposites dont attract, at least not in my opinion. Like Hthr said, you dont go man, she hates the music i like, and thinks i dress bad...were a match made in heaven..no
And if you find people who dont use, it wouldnt be opposites attract. You can find a non user with many traits in common with you, just because they are not users does not mean they are opposite of you..
They are very different, but can also be very alike at the same time. Just gotta take time and choose your friends wisely.
If everyone arrested for drugs from this point on spoke out, protested, etc I think it would work fucking wonders. It's sad even as a group, drug use as it lies now, illegally, tends to isolate people from one another, even other drug users from another, so its def. a hard thing to accomplish. Think how long it took to bring marijuana to the medical use it rightfully deserves...