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Can't 'read' this girl...

Serotonin101

Moderator: SIED
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Jul 23, 2009
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This is starting to drive me nuts. So this girl and I hangout fairly often I'd say 3 or so times a week, we're both flirtatious, she calls me her boo and "love" and other little pet names as such. She also wants to go out to dinner sometime to help me "loosen up" as she notices I get a little shy around her (and only around her). I'm confused as hell though as to her intentions, if she's just being friendly and playful, or if she actually wants something more. Usually I can tell when a girl is interested in me by body language and the way she acts and talks. With this girl I'm drawing a blank, she's very unpredictable. One minute she seems to be somewhat jealous over me chatting with a female friend (she said if I wanted to hangout to call her instead of this female friend [the female friend is quite the ho and could possibly jeopardize my recovery] and her overall demeanor changed when she saw me talking to her) the next minute I might not hear from her all day (she's in drug court, has a child, a job, and other personal stuff) or she seems somewhat distant. She's going through a med change for her anxiety so that may possibly be the culprit for some of her behavior.

In short, normally I can gauge if a girl likes me or not. Not to sound egotistical but I generally have a high success rate with girls when I try to begin a relationship. This girl just seems to be playing hard to get. So... I know two addicts in early recovery is a "no no" but that's not the issue at hand. My question is, is this girl just playing hard to get, likes me but isn't ready for a relationship, or just being friendly and playful? Please feel free to criticize in anyway. I just feel as if I'm beating my head against the wall.

For the ladies: What types of things do you do to play hard to get or to test a guys true motives? Any insight is appreciated.

Thanks all for your input.
 
Just ask her if she wants to go on a date. That should clear things up quickly.
 
Oh dear you need to just go for it, most girls love a bit of confidence and dominance.
 
^ there is a few things that can be going on (opinion)

At the end of the day if I'm into a guy I'm going to be flirty and such as this girl does to you, unfortunately I'm not looking for a sexual relationship, it just makes things "sticky"
If a guy doesn't want to have sex he's either really weird (like the guy who lived with his mother his whole life and is just "odd") or extremely religious (which isn't a bad thing, but u don't have to be a bible beater) Or gay. there are other reasons but this is my first thought
So in the end I don't want to have sex, but the guy I'm into does, so I have to be distant.
But I still want it to work out.

She might like the friend game, but just have a constant jealousy complex.
 
sounds like you're playing games. do you only ever ask girls out if you know, first, that they like you? that seems a little odd and a lot insecure to me.

i think wizekrak hit the nail on the head. ask her out.

alasdair
 
Just ask her out! She probably thinks you're playing games and leading her on if you never ask her out. Just do it!!!
 
sounds like you're playing games. do you only ever ask girls out if you know, first, that they like you? that seems a little odd and a lot insecure to me.

i think wizekrak hit the nail on the head. ask her out.

alasdair

For me, in the past, the girl and I usually mutually come to terms that we are a couple or it was apparent the girl was attracted to me (sadly I usually fall for promiscuous girls so we end up having sex and it evolving from there). It's still early on enough that I'm almost certain I haven't been placed into the dreaded 'friend zone' so I'll just jump at the opportunity. Worst she can do is say "no" right? If she says no and our friendship ends, then I'll just move on. I'll post an update when I can. Thanks for the input. =)
 
I agree with everyone else that you should ask her out - but don't think that it'll end your friendship if she says no. Unless you'd rather not be friends if you can't date her. Try to explain your feelings in a way that would make it possible to remain friends afterwards if that's what you want. Take some advice from Holden in the film "Chasing Amy" if you want haha. He was in a sort of similar situation.
 
i tend to give people the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise

if shes got a job and kids, she may be too busy to talk all day.

im in a similar situation, "talking" to a female, but its reversed, i have the job and all the other shit going on, she doesnt

she never hounds me tho. that would push me away faster than anything other than going to stick it in and seeing an old load fall out
 
Well, Serotonin101, my perfect gentleman :) I think she is interested in you. I would go for it. She is giving you hints. She mentioned dinner, so I would ask her to dinner. I think she is trying to drop hints. She might not be contacting you, so she doesn't seem clingy. Sometimes (like you guys), we don't want to seem like we're smothering you. She is probably not sure how you feel either, and she knows if she is always contacting you and dropping you hints and you aren't biting, she might be wrong about you too and probably doesn't want to annoy you.

In short, go for it. :) You seem like an awesome guy. She's a lucky girl. :)
 
I can't read a girl either unless she has a tattoo in English...

;)

You're killing me lol. Luckily I can read some Spanish and German to "diversify" my options :P. And thanks for the feedback all. We're going to an NA meeting tomorrow and if her mom doesn't mind watching her child then we're going out to dinner :). I'll "pop the question" while at dinner to see if she wants a relationship. I'll post an update later. Gnight all.
 
Update: i met a new girl and we hit it off really well. Her housing situation is rough so shes staying at my house for now. Its been a great last few days. Just had the most unbelievable sex ever. Wish she could keep living here, our bond is awesome and i wouldnt change it for the world. Ive known this girl for nearly 8 months so we know eachother inside and out. Were taking it slow though :) im happy.
 
lmao, so this guy effectively writes the same thread I did (might as well have copied the intent/situation verbatim), is obviously probably sober when he writes it - EXACT SAME DILEMMA.

Welllllll, first things first (heres hoping you werent the retard who mentioned my interest in astrology is foolish), what her star sign? perhaps do a bit of READING into that, instead of being convinced that you're empathic and able to read these females - you may well be, but every so often those empathic traits you possess will get you into shit bud. Especially when its likely that girl who plays the game just that bit better than you, knows she's attractive to other males and has everything a decent guy should desire.

You need to prove why she WANTS you, thats what she's after. She's interested but getting confused at this point won't help.

You obviously already know this but need confirmation and thats fine. Ideally mate you're best not chasing at all. if she wants you she'll come, if she wants to fuck with you, she'll make sure of it.

The girl i posted about, ive given up on - she just loves to play head games, know that men at stirring over her, then she fuckn pisses off without so much as a phone call/txt message unless she's feeling lonely and wants to know you still want her, so she'll send you some bullshit text about her problematic life - truth is she lays in bed all day either hasseling other guys for weed or stealing it off her parents - and just rings up whoever is closest to bring her drugs.

Well im wise on to that game, i hope your situation isn't the same and good luck.
 
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