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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Can't quit, never happy without Opiates!

T

tripballsalot

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 4, 2013
Messages
4
Hey everyone,
This is my first post here so if I posted in the wrong place please feel free to move it. But please don't delete it.

To try to make a long story short I started using drugs and I was about 13 maybe 12 comma. When I had my first sip of alcohol technically.
I smoked pot for the first time when I was 14 and then when I was 15 I started smoking weed every single day. Before school, during school, after school.

Then I started looking more into things I always have researched everything before I did it.I found out about psychedelics.

They sounded amazing and very mind opening. The kind of thing that would help me with my life. Because I've always, since I was younger, had anxiety, depression and major social anxiety. Not wanting to talk to a lot of people, and my mother is bipolar so we've never had a good relationship.

So anyway I started using psychedelics they were amazing they did help me a lot I started off with DXM and it was incredible I just turned 17 the first time I used DXM. I drank 360 mgs and instantly fell in love! I could talk to anyone, I could go anywhere, I could talk to or kiss any girl, I was the life of the party and I could do anything I wanted, finally. THE WORLD WAS MY OYSTER. It was amazing!

I did this every day for about a year. (Ive even done DXM within the last 6 months. I'm 22 now) increasing dose obviously, but sometimes too much.
Like 60 Robo pills and a bottle of vicks dry cough. 1,260 mgs. Or two boxes of coricidin.

Also I enjoyed mushrooms quite a few times and also LSD. I loved psychedelics by this point.

I went straight from DXM to DMT and I was on DXM 600 mgs of it when I did it the first time and it was awesome lol.


Anyways I still believe psychedelics are amazing and I think that I should do them and they are good for me. However over the years I have gotten into BENZODIAZEPINES and OPIATES.

First benzos because they made me feel clear-headed and focused I felt like I was normal. and then I tried oxycodone 30 mg IR. And, once again, fell in love. That was when I was about 18-19. I have been abusing opiates ever since, now I am 22 I turn 23 soon.
And I've been needing more every time my tolerance has grown extremely.

I've even quit several times, taking Suboxone to taper myself off and been completely opeate free for maybe even a month and a half. Meanwhile needing to smoke tree after tree and do any benzo or drinking. So not really better, it seems.

Then started doing them again it's more of a psychological addiction to me and I don't know exactly how to get past that. IJUSE FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO BE ON OPIATES. Antidepressants, haven't worked. Bud helps. And immodium in high doses.

I was hoping for any advice it would be greatly appreciated I'm just kind of lost I'm getting evicted from my apartment right now and I'm about to move into my parents, I'm withdrawing and they have no idea that I've been doing this, so any advice would be helpful.
Thank you.
Thank you all, if you read lol. And im sorry it was a long post, excuse errors, I posted on my phone.
 
It just takes time. You don't need opiates, you want them. Yes they make everything seem peachy at first, eventually they make everything unmanageable. Keep trying. Eat healthy, exercise, work, school. Most of us here can relate. Hang in there bud.
 
As RS rightly said, your body wants opiates, but it doesn't need them. I'm in no place to moralize or criticize--I'm a chronic relapser--so about the best I can say is, I totally feel you. It really sucks.

But I do find that engaging with folks on BL who are dealing with the same shit is helpful. I hope you do too.

Peace. Sim.
 
Hi Tripsballsalot - since your moving in with your parents, consider going to rehab as you won't have to worry about maintaining an apartment etc. It sounds like you have some unresolved issues, and sobriety should be you biggest priority right now. You don't want to struggle with this for years on end. I went to rehab twice, both times I was in my thirties. I really wish I would have go to rehab in my twenties, so much wasted time and opportunity. While you may be able to maintain this life style now, you are young, I can promise you that after the age of 25 - it gets really hard very quick to try to maintain a job, house, and drugs. You don't want to end up like me, 39 and starting over lol. Your best course of action right now would be to take advantage of being able to move back into your parent's house and use this opportunity to get to the root of what is driving you to use, and go to rehab to dry out. They can help you detox. That being said, if you can't go to rehab and decide to get off benzos the withdrawal is life threateningly dangerous, so don't just stop taking them. You will have to taper off of them, and I recommend a slow taper as that helps to mitigate the nasty withdrawal and subsequent PAWS. I recommend the Ashton Manual to determine the taper specifics. Good luck!
 
I agree with benzo girl. I also went to rehab twice in my 30's and im sober now but not. Clean. I too struggle with opiates. Problem is i have legitimate chronic pain that is unbearable without meds. Like she said, after 25 it gets real hard. Im 40 now and still waiting for my next opiate buzz. I feel like giving up cause my struggle with addiction has been so long. It sucks. Ive tried several times to get off them and the pain brings me back then once i get that buzz its on. Benzo girls advice is really good. A month away from everything to work on yourself would be ideal. Dont turn into me dude. Once you say fuck it and keep using the years fly by. Also, i used DXM for awhile and my colon got infected all over and they had to take it out. Now i have an ostomy bag for life and DXM could have contributed to it according to the drs so keep that in mind. Turning point for you man. Grab it and run with it!!! Good luck
 
I too feel never happy without opiates... Heroin in particular. after recently getting clean and getting a vivitrol shot 5 weeks ago it's a little ,ore bearable to see life without it but I admit the depression and anxiety of not being with the very one thing that takes away all insecurities, pain, emotion and also inhibits accetamd and comfort I mean tell someone you have something they could take to make them feel that way without telling them it's opiates... Every damn person on this planet would be using them too. For now I can't get high but in a week We shall see! By the way check vivitrol out only if you're truly ready to quit, as I am not and made a mistake haha
 
Hey everyone thanks for all your input, I wasn't expecting so many people to respond, but it's greatly appreciated. Sorry I haven't been able to reply sooner. I'm currently taking tramadol, thinking maybe I can just be on it for life. When that stops working go on to suboxone. Idk I just don't want to go to rehab and never get prescriptions lol. Anyways thanks everyone! :)
 
I've got the same problem, it feels like I'll never be happy again. I had script for years and moved to a new state and can't get a script here. It feels like I have no mental energy or enthusiasm for anything, sucks. I've tried a few other options but nothing works, I'm drinking more now just to raise my spirits but I always feel like crap the next day.
 
This thread is old I know but the title is s defining. I don't feel very happy when I'm not on opiates and feel great then normal when I'm on them. I hate being without opiates and I got nobody to blame but myself. I ran out early. I coulda spaced them but couldn't. I'll have some Oxy tomorrow and my script is written for Sunday but even this little time I fee a huge chunk of me is missing. I love opiates and I hate them and if I wasn't in chronic pain i would get off in a sec. But I can't and Larry my tolerance has went up and it's taken more dilaudid to achieve same effect. Then I'll be happy Sunday and won't watch my pill count and end up right back here. Sucks
 
chief ten beers said:
I've got the same problem, it feels like I'll never be happy again. I had script for years and moved to a new state and can't get a script here. It feels like I have no mental energy or enthusiasm for anything, sucks. I've tried a few other options but nothing works, I'm drinking more now just to raise my spirits but I always feel like crap the next day.
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I hear ya. What I wonder is what is it exactly that makes life so dull and pointless without opiates? I think the answer lies within the life that modern society has determined for most of us and is likely what drove many of us to opiate use in the first place. So one might ask themselves what would I do if most all doors were open to me? Then the next question being how possible in whole or in part would it be to actually strive for that life? Then finally what is actually stopping me from trying or in other words do I actually have the balls to try and leave the cage I'm in? Worth pondering IMO and I do. YMMV.
 
Cosmic Trigger said:
I hear ya. What I wonder is what is it exactly that makes life so dull and pointless without opiates? I think the answer lies within the life that modern society has determined for most of us and is likely what drove many of us to opiate use in the first place. So one might ask themselves what would I do if most all doors were open to me? Then the next question being how possible in whole or in part would it be to actually strive for that life? Then finally what is actually stopping me from trying or in other words do I actually have the balls to try and leave the cage I'm in? Worth pondering IMO and I do. YMMV.
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We for sure create a cage around us when it comes to the abusing life. We just don't know it. I mean I know it but at the same time its like I don't. Because it seems impossible to break out of. Its tough. Really tough. I've yet to get out there and be naturally happy again. I know time is what will heal us and getting out into the world again. But I can't see the future. So how do I know that's what's going to happen. Again, stuck in a cage. Just too comfterable where we are.
 
Hmm.. it seems rare for someone to like opiates AND psychedelics so much. For me, the two are really completely opposite drugs. I've tried both but I prefer opiates 100% to psychedelics, but they are MUCH more addictive.

I am sorry to hear about your frustrations and problems :( It sounds like you're in a tough place. It also seems like you might have some general emotional / psychological issues and are using any kind of substance to get out of your head. I don't know how to help you but you should definitely see a doctor about this. Start there.
 
To all those who say 'life sucks without opiates,' the brain has various pleasure centers. When these are constantly being stimulated -- either through drugs or alcohol or whatever your trip is -- when you go back to 'normal' it seems boring and uneventful. That's why people who get used to smoking a joint every night and watching TV get bored watching TV without pot. The hyper-stimulation can't really go back to what it really was. Unless maybe you stop taking the drug for a certain duration of time.

Ultimately, to be honest, I don't think after drug use of any kind (including even alcohol) our brain can ever be fully happy not ever doing drugs. Even if we cut down, the drugs will always be a 'reward' for the brain. I know and I have done a few things myself. I don't regret doing it, but I know that if I hadn't ever done it I wouldn't have had the feeling of it, and thus I wouldn't have been enlightened or exposed to the experience.

Give a kid candy and he won't want to go back to broccoli.
 
I think it takes the brain a long time to return back to normal. Whatever drug your on or were on. Alcohol fucked my shit up for years but I don't wanna drink but the brain being bored is terrible. Now I'm on opiates for chronic pain and been taking dxm which has been interesting but I'm just putting my brain back in the hole. I've been in opiate wd so I'm not feeling great. Like my earlier post I don't think I can live without opiates. I scored some percs do I feel better. It's just ridiculous. Anyway, I agree about the brain stuff
 
scarlet_tunic said:
To all those who say 'life sucks without opiates,' the brain has various pleasure centers. When these are constantly being stimulated -- either through drugs or alcohol or whatever your trip is -- when you go back to 'normal' it seems boring and uneventful. That's why people who get used to smoking a joint every night and watching TV get bored watching TV without pot. The hyper-stimulation can't really go back to what it really was. Unless maybe you stop taking the drug for a certain duration of time.

Ultimately, to be honest, I don't think after drug use of any kind (including even alcohol) our brain can ever be fully happy not ever doing drugs. Even if we cut down, the drugs will always be a 'reward' for the brain. I know and I have done a few things myself. I don't regret doing it, but I know that if I hadn't ever done it I wouldn't have had the feeling of it, and thus I wouldn't have been enlightened or exposed to the experience.

Give a kid candy and he won't want to go back to broccoli.
Click to expand...

True from my experience. Once you open Pandora's Box that's it.
 
Cosmic Trigger said:
True from my experience. Once you open Pandora's Box that's it.
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That's right :( Unfortunately many people end up opening that box. I am trying to cut down on my kratom use and now I'm finding that when I don't do it, I have trouble sleeping at night. I am fine going the evening without it if I have to (OK, fine but it kind of sucks too lol), and I fall asleep, but then I wake up around 2 or 3 in the morning with restless legs. I don't know what's going on but I'm going to keep trying to get through this and to keep dosing at the times I want to dose (ideally 4 times a week). It's possible that I got used to numbing the pain from my workouts with krat, and now that I don't have it I feel the pain in my legs more acutely.
 
I love opiates and phycadelics. Only drugs I like. I wish I had more access to the phycadelics but they'll be around. Just a little bit, you know? Not enough to turn me into a muppet. Opiates I'm really stuck, bad. I have no desire to stop which I can't as I've wrote before my chronic pain keeps me tied to these things. Sounds like an recuse but it's really not. Their too serious medical problems to fix with yoga or PT. I've lose 212 lbs in last year. Good and bad. I cantblivevwithout opiates and whether it be my brain telling me that or whatever I really feel like that
 
Man, I will be screaming in agony begging the lord for mercy from my chronic back pain and a couple percocet will shut me up. Of course something that strong is gonna fix whatever's wrong with your head, if it is strong enough to stop people from being bothered by surgery or broken bones or car accident injuries or cancer. Sounds like you need therapy for your mental health. The sooner the better man because it only gets worse especially with drug use like that. I'm no different apart from the back pain giving me much more of a reason to use that particular drug. Still an addict at heart. I'm fucking miserable without them, miserable than I ever thought possible...

I don't know what's wrong with your head but be thankful that your body is healthy if it is. I took that for granted before it was stolen from me. Things can always get worse and you just don't see it. You know, like the privilege of going for a walk in the sun was stolen for me because I did some fucking squats in a gym. You're not going to get a prescription for opioids for anything other than acute or chronic pain. Your doses are higher than mine and I'm using long term for back pain and prescribed and diagnosed. That's fucked when I think about it, I had tons of mental health issues before I hurt my back and never ever EVER would have considered this miserable fate until it had been 2 years that I couldn't fuckin walk and lost everything. Just smoked a lot of weed for my depression before shit hit the fan.

I don't have any answers though man and I don't mean to judge you. If you stopped opioids, it's not just over in a week. The anxiety, depression, mood disorders, all that stuff you potentially had before comes back with a vengeance. And that's the hard part, man when I'm in withdrawal I don't even think about my back pain the overall feeling is so horrific. Then it comes back 2 weeks later with all my other mental health problems and I go back to the pills. In my experience, I could never make a full recovery, but at least I am medically supervised and don't really abuse (I have though). It's definitely worth seeing what your other options are. Oxy always gives me a lot of energy. Maybe next time you are on it, think about what other possibilities there could be? I'm not sure if you will get anywhere, I know how stuck you can feel on this shit. I'm on benzos too because I started having severe panic attacks multiple times daily. I hope you can figure your shit out man because there is a huge difference between your age and mine (closer to 30). It's when people start doing shit with their lives, and others like me fall behind. Trust me you don't wanna be dealing with hardcore addictions while your buddies are starting up sick career lives and stuff.
 
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